The Matrix: Parodies
by Rusty Shackleford
Summary: Some screenplays I wrote for parodies of the matrix movies. Contains strong language. Revolutions parody is up! Now has deleted scenes and more! Added some mini parodies for opening credits.
1. Reinstalled with Funny Capabilities

Reinstalled with Funny Capabilities, Unplugged by the Janitor, Call Tech Support and all orgional content ©2003 Matt Walljasper, Jorge Calduron, and  
Cursing Sailor Productions  
  
The Matrix and Matrix accessories are the property of Warner Bros, the  
Wachowski Bros., and Village Roadshow Productions  
  
THE MATRIX  
REINSTALLED WITH FUNNY CAPABILITIES  
  
Written and Directed by Matt Walljasper and Jorge Calduron  
  
-Official Script-  
Revision 1  
  
Setting: A large urban city in the very near future.  
  
Writer's note: First script, so will be changed a lot. Some is not possible to do. This will be corrected later.  
  
Opening  
  
For the opening we will use a different audio track but the same visual background. What follows is audio track. No on screen stuff.  
  
Cipher: I thought you weren't taking a shift.  
  
Trinity: I know but I felt like watching him.  
  
Cipher: Perv.  
  
Trinity: Shut up.  
  
Cipher: We're gonna kill him, you know that.  
  
Trinity: Did you hear that?  
  
Cipher: Hear what?  
  
Trinity: Are you sure this line is clean?  
  
Agent Smith: Yeah, he's sure it's clean. Nobody's listening. Not any agents. Not that I know about them, cause I'm not one. Yeah.  
  
Trinity: I'd better go. Heart O' The City Hotel 1  
  
(Two cops are in a hall a door is on their left)  
  
Cop 1: (Kicks door open and runs in. points gun at Trinity)  
  
Cop 2: (Does the same)  
  
Cop 1: Put your hands on your head! Do it do it now!  
  
(Trinity puts her hands on her head)  
  
Outside  
  
(Agent's car pulls up 2 agents get out)  
  
Agent Smith: Captain. You were given specific orders.  
  
Captain: You give me that jurish-my-diciton crap; you can jam it up your ass.  
  
(Morpheus sticks his head out of a manhole.)  
  
Morpheus: Yes.  
  
Agent Thompson: Get him its Morpheus!  
  
(All agents start shooting at Morpheus Morpheus exits through manhole)  
  
Agent Smith: (back to captain) The orders were for your protection.  
  
Captain: I think we can handle one little girl. I sent two units. They're bringing her down now.  
  
Agent Smith: No Captain, you men are dead right about nnnnnow.  
  
Heart O' The City Hotel 2  
  
(As HOTCH 1 left off)  
  
(Cop 1 moves towards Trinity with handcuffs)  
  
(Trinity turns around and chops Cop 1 where the neck meets the shoulder)  
  
(Cop 2 begins to shoot at Trinity)  
  
(Trinity kicks the gun out of Cop 2's hand)  
  
(Trinity jumps up) Bullet Time Freeze! (2-3 seconds)  
  
(Kicks cop 2)  
  
(Trinity picks up cell phone and dials a number)  
  
Trinity: Morpheus, they found me.  
  
Morpheus: I know. They cut the hard line; you'll have to find another way out.  
  
Trinity: God damn it Morpheus.  
  
Morpheus: Yes. Focus Trinity. There's an exit at Wells and Lake. You can make it.  
  
Trinity: Are there any agents?  
  
Morpheus: Maybe. I'm not tellin'!  
  
(Trinity hangs up phone)  
  
(T walks towards elevator)  
  
(Agent Smith gets out and Trinity runs away Smith follows)  
  
Rooftop Chase  
  
(Trinity runs across the roof towards a fire escape)  
  
(Smith follows)  
  
(Trinity jumps across a street where the fire escape is)  
  
(Smith does the same)  
  
(Trinity jumps off the side of the building on the other side and just misses an old lady carrying bags of groceries)  
  
(Smith jumps off the building and knocks the old lady down)  
  
(Smith begins to chase after Trinity but then, the old lady gets up and begins to whack agent Smith with her purse)  
  
(Trinity rounds a corner and a phone booth is seen)  
  
(Trinity runs into the phone booth and answers the phone)  
  
Voice: If you hang up this phone, I will kill you.  
  
Trinity: Wrong movie.  
  
Voice: Are you threatening me? Cause I'll kill you for that too.  
  
Trinity: This is the Matrix, not Phone Booth.  
  
(Agent Smith walks towards booth)  
  
Voice: You think I'm bluffing? I'll prove I have a gun. You see that guy with the suit walking towards the booth?  
  
(Gunshot is heard and Smith drops body quickly changes to old lady)  
  
Voice: Now don't you leave while I reload.  
  
(Trinity hangs up the phone and picks it up again and vanishes)  
  
(Smith and Thompson walk up)  
  
Smith: She got out then?  
  
Thompson: Yes but the informant is real.  
  
Smith: We have the name of their next target.  
  
Thompson: The name is Neo.  
  
Smith: We'll need a search running.  
  
Thompson: It has already begun.  
  
Neo's Apartment  
  
(Neo is asleep at his computer on it is a google search for Morpheus)  
  
(Movie type is used)  
  
(Neo wakes up)  
  
Neo tries pressing CRTL ALT Delete and escape  
  
(Follow message)  
  
(Knock message)  
  
(Knock at door)  
  
Neo: Who is it?  
  
Voice: Police open up!  
  
Neo: Shit!  
  
(Morpheus drops through vent)  
  
Morpheus: Yes.  
  
Neo: Who the hell are you?  
  
Morpheus: Yes.  
  
Neo: What the fuck is your problem?  
  
Morpheus: Yes.  
  
Neo: Damn it! Why the hell are you here?  
  
Morpheus: Yes. Yes.  
  
(Morpheus jumps out window)  
  
(Door knocks again)  
  
Neo: Just a minute.  
  
(Neo opens the door)  
  
(Hacker and friends are outside)  
  
Neo: You're not cops. You scared the crap outa me.  
  
Hacker: Sorry. What's wrong?  
  
Neo: My computer. Have you ever had that feeling where you're not sure if you're awake or still dreaming?  
  
Hacker: Yeah. All the time. (Turns towards another) He's lost it. (Back to Neo) Looks to me like you need to rest. You know, get some R. and R. Come with us to the club tonight.  
  
Neo: I can't. I have work.  
  
Hacker: Come on it'll be fun. (Turns towards friend) Won't it?  
  
Friend 1: Defiantly  
  
(Neo looks and sees the white rabbit tattoo)  
  
Neo: Yeah, fun. Sure.  
  
The Club  
  
(People are dancing and Neo is standing in a corner)  
  
(Trinity walks up to Neo)  
  
Trinity: Hello Neo.  
  
Neo: How do you know that name?  
  
Trinity: It says so on your nametag.  
  
Neo: Damn it!  
  
(Morpheus runs in)  
  
Morpheus: Yes.  
  
Neo: Who are you? And why do you always say yes?  
  
Morpheus: Um...  
  
(Morpheus runs out)  
  
Trinity: I know a lot about you.  
  
Neo: And who are you?  
  
Trinity: I am Trinity.  
  
Neo: The Trinity that cracked the IRS-D base?  
  
Trinity: No, I'm the one who made it so you couldn't understand people at the drive thru.  
  
Neo: Why?  
  
Trinity: I don't know. But I do know why you live alone, and why night after night you sit at your computer.  
  
Neo: (under breath) please don't say porn, please don't say porn.  
  
Trinity: You're looking for him. I know cause I was once looking for the same thing. When he found me he said that I wasn't looking for him, but for an answer. It's the question that drives us Neo. It's the question. You know the question as I did.  
  
Neo: What is the matrix?  
  
Trinity: No, it was how many licks does it take to get to the center of tootsie pop. But I guess that works too. Anyway, he will find you when you are ready.  
  
(Alarm clock is heard)  
  
(Neo wakes up in bed)  
  
(Clock reads "9:03")  
  
Neo: Shit!  
  
(Knock at door)  
  
Neo: What?  
  
Voice: Yes.  
  
Neo: Go away um.... I didn't get your name.  
  
Voice: Morpheus.  
  
Neo: The Morpheus that I'm looking for?  
  
Voice: Maybe.  
  
Neo: Go away!  
  
Voice: No!  
  
Office Escape  
  
(Neo is standing in front of a desk man is typing sitting on the other side)  
  
(Man finishes typing)  
  
Man: You believe that you are special, Mr. Anderson. That somehow the rules do not apply to you. Obviously you are mistaken. This company is one of the top software companies in the world. That is because every employee knows that they are part of the system. If an employee has a problem, then the company has a problem. The time has come to make a choice. Either you choose to be at you desk on time, or you choose to find yourself a new job. Do I make myself clear?  
  
Neo: Yes sir.  
  
(Neo is sitting in his cubicle)  
  
(FEDEX guy walks in)  
  
FedEx guy: Are you Thomas Anderson?  
  
Neo: Yeah, that's me.  
  
FedEx guy: I got a package for you.  
  
(FE guy gives Neo the package)  
  
FedEx Guy: have a nice day.  
  
(FE guy leaves)  
  
(Neo opens package and picks up cell phone inside)  
  
(Cell phone rings)  
  
(Neo is scared and holds phone away he answers it)  
  
Morpheus: Hello Neo do you know who this is?  
  
Neo: Morpheus?  
  
Morpheus: No! It's um...Bob...from...that place. All right fine, it's Morpheus. How'd you know it was me?  
  
Neo: I saw you on caller ID.  
  
Morpheus: Hold on. Damn it Tank, I said without caller ID without! Anyway, let's try this again.  
  
(Morpheus hangs up)  
  
(Phone rings again)  
  
(Neo answers it)  
  
Neo: Hello Morpheus.  
  
Morpheus: Hello Neo, do you know who this is?  
  
Neo: No Morpheus, who is it?  
  
Morpheus: It is Morpheus. I don't know if you're ready for what I have to show you but unfortunately, we've run out of time. They're coming for you Neo and I don't know what they will do.  
  
Neo: Who's coming for me?  
  
Morpheus: Stand up and see for yourself.  
  
Neo: Now?  
  
Morpheus: Yes, now. The elevator. Do it slowly. (Three agents get off the elevator and look towards Neo's cubicle)  
  
Neo: Shit!  
  
Morpheus: Yes. I suggest you get out of there. I can guide you but you must do exactly as I say. The cubicle across from you is empty, go there. Now!  
  
(Neo runs into across cube)  
  
(Agents walk into Neo's cubicle)  
  
Morpheus: When I tell you to, go to the end of the row and to the office at the end of the hall. Stay as low as you can. One, two, three, banana! Got you! Hope you didn't just get caught there! Seriously, go now!  
  
(Neo runs low to the directions given)  
  
(Neo enters office and closes the door behind him)  
  
Morpheus: Outside there is a scaffolding.  
  
Neo: How do you know all this?  
  
Morpheus: Look on the scaffolding.  
  
(Morpheus waves to Neo from scaffolding)  
  
Neo: This is creepy.  
  
Morpheus: To your left there is a window, go to it, open it, walk to the scaffolding. You can use it to get to the roof.  
  
Neo: Wait, this is a corner office.  
  
Morpheus: Yeah so?  
  
Neo: Why are you having me go to the window all the way over there when I could go to the one right next the scaffolding?  
  
Morpheus: Um...There are two ways out of this building Neo, one is the roof, and the other is in their custody. You take a chance either way. Bye.  
  
(Neo hangs up phone)  
  
Neo: Screw this.  
  
(Neo is led into a car by two agents)  
  
(Trinity is on a motorcycle in front of the car)  
  
Trinity: Damn it!  
  
(Morpheus comes down on scaffolding)  
  
Morpheus: Yes.  
  
Agent Smith: Get him! It's Morpheus!  
  
(Morpheus quickly goes up scaffolding)  
  
Interrogation Room  
  
(Neo is sitting in a chair next to a table an agent is standing in the background and another walks in and drops a large folder on the table and sits down and removes his sunglasses)  
  
Agent Smith: As you can see, we've had our eyes on you for a long time now Mr. Anderson.  
  
Neo: Perv.  
  
Agent Smith: Na uh! No! Anyway, it seems you've been living two lives. One life you are Thomas A. Anderson program writer for a respectable software company. You have a social security number, pay your taxes and help your landlady carry out her garbage. I don't like your landlady, Mr. Anderson. She whacked me with her purse when I knocked some groceries out of her hand.  
  
(The Terminator kicks down the door and enters)  
  
The Terminator: John Conner, it is time.  
  
Agent Smith: Who are you?  
  
The Terminator: That is not important.  
  
Agent Thompson: Sir scans show that he's a machine. Not one of ours. He doesn't match any of the machines built by us. Perhaps he's with the future of the matrix?  
  
Agent Smith: Maybe us in the future sent him back through time to kill our greatest enemy. That seems like a good plot for this movie. You must be the new guy. Welcome to the team.  
  
Agent Thompson: Sir, I believe there'd be a copy write problem with that being our movie.  
  
The Terminator: Where is John Conner?  
  
Agent Smith: Wait a minute, were you sent back through time to protect this, what you say the name was?  
  
The Terminator: John Conner.  
  
Agent Smith: Right, right, John Conner.  
  
The Terminator: The answer is yes.  
  
Agent Smith: Okay, maybe John Conner is the guy who helps us kill Morpheus.  
  
Neo: Um.Oh hey! I'm Sean Conner or whatever you said! They're trying to kill me! Help!  
  
The Terminator: You are not John Conner. I will search someplace else.  
  
Agent Smith: What is so important about John Conner anyway? What does he do?  
  
The Terminator: John Conner is the leader of the worldwide resistance to the machine race in the near future. I was sent back through time to protect him from the machines.  
  
Agent Smith: Oh shit. Um.you don't know a Morpheus, do you?  
  
The Terminator: No.  
  
(Agent Smith drags Thompson to corner and begins to quietly talk to him so that nobody else can hear.)  
  
Agent Smith: Do we have any plans to take over the matrix and build the machines we use in the world to kill humans?  
  
Agent Thompson: No, we need them for the power.  
  
Agent Smith: So we can assume that in the near future a large chunk of humanity will die? That will screw up our power, won't it?  
  
Agent Thompson: I guess so. Hold on. (Turns to The Terminator) Hey you, does John Conner lead the humans to victory?  
  
The Terminator: Yes.  
  
Agent Thompson: Load off my mind. We won't run out of humans to harvest for power.  
  
The Terminator: You must be destroyed!  
  
(The Terminator begins to shoot at Agent Thompson)  
  
(Agent Thompson dodges)  
  
The Terminator: That is a neat trick.  
  
Agent Thompson: Can you dodge bullets?  
  
The Terminator: I do not need to.  
  
Agent Smith: Hey, do you know about the matrix?  
  
The Terminator: The matrix is a system built in 2027 to act as a prison for the machines. It consists of magnetic field and virtual reality to keep cybernetic organisms unaware and under control.  
  
Neo: Yes! My question's been answered!  
  
The Terminator: Scans show you are Thomas A. Anderson but you are known as Neo. You came to us in 2010 and said, and I quote, "These are their machines? They suck. Come on, where are the squiddies? Nothing even looks like the real world. They don't even have hovercrafts! The real apocalypse was so much better. At least it had a matrix and machines that look like they can kill!" You are also known as the man who inspired the matrix. Only seen once. The future John Conner thanks you.  
  
Neo: Whatever. Can I go know?  
  
Agent Smith: No! (Turns to Terminator) Well, you seem to be unaware of the real matrix and I agree with Mr. Anderson's quote. Go back to your gay fake judgment day. I think John Conner is at the pizza hut on Erie and Lake.  
  
(The Terminator leaves)  
  
Agent Smith: Now where was I? Oh yeah! The other life is lived in computers where you use the hacker alias Neo and are guilty of almost every computer crime we have a law for. One of these lives has a future. The other does not. We're prepared to wipe the slate clean, Mr. Anderson. We know you've been contacted by a certain individual. A man who calls himself Morpheus. We want your help in bringing a known terrorist to justice.  
  
Neo: Wow, that's sounds like a really good deal. I've got a better one. How about you give me all that plus a lot cash and I give you nothing.  
  
(The other agent walks over to Smith and they start whispering)  
  
Agent Smith: No.  
  
Neo: Ok, then how about I give you the finger (flips off Agent Smith) and you give me my phone call.  
  
Agent Smith: You disappoint me, Mr. Anderson.  
  
Neo: You can't scare me with this shit. I want my phone call.  
  
(Morpheus opens door)  
  
Morpheus: Yes.  
  
Agent Thompson: Get him, it's Morpheus!  
  
(Morpheus runs away)  
  
Agent Smith: Tell me Mr. Anderson, what good is a phone call if you are unable to speak?  
  
(Both sit in silence for a bout 15 sec)  
  
Agent Smith: Right about now your mouth should not exist.  
  
Neo: I don't know what to tell you.  
  
Agent Smith: So, who were you going to call?  
  
Neo: I don't know. My mom I guess. She's the only one who'd come and get me now.  
  
Agent Smith: Excuse me.  
  
(Agent Smith walks into another room and is seen through a window talking with two other agents all three start pointing and laughing at Neo)  
  
(Agent Smith returns)  
  
Agent Smith: Soon your mouth will be gone and we can proceed.  
  
(10 sec goes by)  
  
Agent Smith: Screw this. (Puts duct tape over Neo's mouth two agents come in and hold Neo down on the table) Tell me Mr. Anderson, what good is a phone call if you are unable to speak? Ha! Now you can't answer cause you are unable to speak! (Agent Smith does a little victory jig)  
  
Agent Smith: (presses button on something) You're going to help us Mr. Anderson, whether you want to or not. (Puts a big foam 10 gallon hat on Neo with a camcorder duct taped on it and a sign that says, "Not working with agents. Not that I know what they are, cause I don't."  
  
Call To Meet Morpheus  
  
(Neo wakes up in bed wearing the hat he is unaware of the hat)  
  
(The phone rings)  
  
(Neo answers the phone)  
  
Morpheus: This line is tapped so I must be brief. They got to you first but they underestimated you. If they knew what I know, you'd probably be dead.  
  
Agent Smith: Excuse me Morpheus, this is the guy you're talking to, what don't we know -I mean, what do you know that we -er they don't know.  
  
Morpheus: Damn it Smith, go away.  
  
Agent Smith: Yes sir.  
  
Morpheus: I can still hear you.  
  
Agent Smith: I'm going.  
  
Morpheus: Now Neo, they don't know that you are the one. You may have spent the last few years looking for me but I've spent my entire life looking for you. Do you still want to meet?  
  
Neo: Yes.  
  
Morpheus: Then go to the Adams Street Bridge.  
  
(Neo hangs up the phone)  
  
(The phone rings again)  
  
(Neo picks up the phone)  
  
Agent Smith: Hello Neo, this is Morpheus again. I want to make sure you heard me right. What did I just tell you?  
  
(Neo hangs up the phone)  
  
(Phone rings again)  
  
Neo: Hello?  
  
The Terminator: Is this the residence of John Conner?  
  
Neo: I told you, no!  
  
(Neo hangs up the phone)  
  
Bugged  
  
(Neo is standing under the bridge) (A car pulls up the window rolls down and Trinity is on the other side)  
  
Trinity: Get in.  
  
(Neo gets in the car)  
  
(Switch is in front seat and holds a gun up to Neo)  
  
Switch: Lift up your shirt.  
  
Neo: What?  
  
Trinity: Please Neo; it's for our protection.  
  
Neo: From what?  
  
Trinity: From you.  
  
Switch: Right now we don't have time for 20 questions. There's only one rule. Our way, or the highway.  
  
Neo: Fine. Stop the car.  
  
(Car stops)  
  
(Neo gets out of the car)  
  
Trinity: Please Neo wait. You've been down that road you know exactly where it leads.  
  
Neo: It goes to Cheese World.  
  
Trinity: That's not the point.  
  
Neo: So I can't go to Cheese World?  
  
Trinity: No.  
  
Neo: Fine. (Under breath) I'd like to see your cheese world.  
  
Trinity: What?  
  
Neo: Nothing.  
  
(Neo gets back into the car)  
  
Trinity: Lie back, lift up your shirt.  
  
(Trinity pulls out a big gun like thing)  
  
Neo: What's that?  
  
Trinity: Relax, we think you're bugged.  
  
(Trinity points gun at Neo's head)  
  
Switch: You're gonna lose it.  
  
Trinity: No I'm not. Clear!  
  
(Trinity puts the gun down and grabs the hat off Neo's head)  
  
Neo: Jesus Christ! That thing's real?  
  
(Trinity shoves the hat out of the window)  
  
Meet Morpheus  
  
(The car pulls up to a building)  
  
(Neo and Trinity are outside a door in the building)  
  
Trinity: Let me give one piece of advice, be honest. He knows more than you could possibly dream.  
  
(Neo opens the door and walks inside)  
  
(Morpheus has his back to Neo he turns around)  
  
Morpheus: At last we meet. As you might have guessed, I am Morpheus.  
  
Neo: It's an honor to meet you.  
  
Morpheus: The honor is all mine. I take it right now, you're feeling a little bit like Alice tumbling down the rabbit hole?  
  
Neo: Yes. Why am I here?  
  
Morpheus: You're because you know something. What you know you can't explain, but you've always known it. Like a splinter in your mind. Do you know what I'm talking about?  
  
Neo: Once I shoved a small piece of wood in my nose. Could that have caused the splinter in my mind?  
  
Morpheus: Guess again.  
  
Neo: What is the matrix? Oh wait no, that guy told me. It's a dream world built in 2027 to keep machines from being free.  
  
Morpheus: What dumbshit fed you that sack of crap? I wish the matrix was that!  
  
Neo: Fine, what is the matrix?  
  
Morpheus: Do you want to know what the matrix is?  
  
Neo: That's what I just asked.  
  
Morpheus: So it was. Just answer the question, yes or no.  
  
(Outside, Agent Smith comes down on a rope holding a sign that says, "Say no!")  
  
(Neo looks at the sign)  
  
(Agent Smith falls)  
  
Neo: Yes.  
  
Morpheus: The matrix is everywhere. It is here in this very room. You can see it when you go to work, when you go to church, when you pay your taxes.  
  
Neo: What is it with people in this movie and taxes?  
  
Morpheus: What movie?  
  
Neo: The movie we're making.  
  
(Morpheus looks at the screen)  
  
(Morpheus looks around as if looking at all the people in a theater)  
  
(Morpheus waves)  
  
(Morpheus turns back to Neo)  
  
Morpheus: It is a prison. A prison without walls or doors. A prison for your mind. What if I told you that you were not living in the real world?  
  
Neo: I'd say, come again? Then I'd laugh because I said come.  
  
Morpheus: Do you believe in fate Neo?  
  
Neo: No.  
  
Morpheus: Why not?  
  
Neo: Cause I don't like the idea that I'm not in control of my life.  
  
Morpheus: I know exactly how you feel.  
  
Neo: How then?  
  
Morpheus: Okay, I don't know exactly how you feel. So sue me. Sorry.  
  
(Morpheus reaches into his pocket and pulls out two things)  
  
Morpheus: This is it. After this, there is no going back. You take the blue pill, the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe what ever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in wonderland and I show you just how deep the rabbit hole goes.  
  
Neo: What's that one over there?  
  
Morpheus: That is the purple pill, Nexium. I think it's made by Pfizer. It helps with my Acid Reflux.  
  
Neo: Can I choose that one?  
  
Morpheus: Not without a prescription.  
  
(Neo motions towards the blue pill)  
  
Morpheus: Remember, all I'm offering is the truth, nothing more. So please reconsider. Come on take the red pill. Everyone's taking the red pill. You're not cool unless you take the red pill. I told these people that you were cool. Come on Neo, you used to be cool.  
  
Neo: You just met me! And that's the blue pill?  
  
Morpheus: Yeah, see blue.  
  
Neo: I'm colorblind.  
  
Morpheus: Yeah, me too. I just guessed. Just guess, and if you go home, tough.  
  
Neo: Ok.  
  
(Neo grabs the blue pill)  
  
Morpheus: He took the blue pill right?  
  
Trinity: Yeah.  
  
Morpheus: Then why is he still here? Uh oh. I screwed up. You're stuck now. Sorry. The pill you just took is part of a trace program. It helps to find your position in the matrix. Have a seat.  
  
(Neo sits down)  
  
Neo: I am here! I am here! I am here!  
  
Morpheus: We found you good.  
  
(Morpheus picks up his cell phone) Morpheus: Now Tank, now.  
  
(Weird metal things happens use movie's)  
  
Toilet of the Real  
  
(Neo wakes up in gel pod)  
  
(Neo rips through the gel)  
  
(Neo removes breathing tube)  
  
(Neo looks around and sees the other people in the matrix use movie's)  
  
(Machine comes)  
  
(Machine grabs Neo and pulls out the tubes)  
  
(Machine leaves)  
  
(Gel pod opens and Neo fall down the "Toilet of the Real")  
  
(Neo struggles to swim in water)  
  
(Crane drops down and picks up Neo)  
  
(Morpheus moves in front of Neo)  
  
Morpheus: Welcome to the real world.  
  
(Screen goes black)  
  
Morpheus: He's still alive, right?  
  
Trinity: I guess so.  
  
Morpheus: Let's poke him with a stick.  
  
Rebuilding  
  
Morpheus: We've done it Trinity.  
  
Trinity: I hope you're right.  
  
Morpheus: You don't have to hope I know it.  
  
Neo: What are you doing?  
  
Morpheus: Your muscles have never been used so we're rebuilding them.  
  
Neo: Why do my eyes hurt?  
  
Morpheus: Um...It definitely doesn't have anything to do with poking you with a stick. Um...you've never used them before. Rest Neo, the answers are coming.  
  
(Use parts from the movie for the rebuilding sweeps)  
  
Answers  
  
(Neo is sitting on a bed)  
  
(Neo looks at his arm a plug is in it)  
  
(Neo removes the plug)  
  
(Morpheus enters)  
  
Neo: Morpheus, what is this place?  
  
Morpheus: More important than what is when. You believe it is the year 2003 when it is actually closer to 2203. We can't tell you when it is because we honestly don't know.  
  
Neo: Why don't you know?  
  
Morpheus: We forgot to look at the calendar when we arrived and then it kind of got burned in The Great Fire of When We Lost The Date. Anyway, come with me.  
  
(Neo and Morpheus leave)  
  
Morpheus: This is my ship the Nebacanezzar. It's a hovercraft. Most of my crew you know.  
  
(Neo looks at Trinity who was welding)  
  
Morpheus: (Goes by each as he says their name) This is Apoch, Switch, and Cipher.  
  
Cipher: Hiya.  
  
Morpheus: The little one behind you is Mouse. The ones you don't know, Tank and his big brother Dozer. (Morpheus goes back to Neo) You asked what the matrix was. Come with me.  
  
(Neo follows Morpheus to a chair. Neo sits in and Trinity straps him down)  
  
Morpheus: Relax Neo, this is going to feel a little weird.  
  
(Neo looks likes he is in incredible pain)  
  
(Morpheus and Neo are in a totally white room)  
  
Morpheus: This is the construct. It's our loading program. We can load anything from weapons to clothing, to equipment. Anything we need. Go on, call something. Anything. Call it a gift.  
  
Neo: Fire Hydrants!  
  
(Many fire hydrants appear)  
  
Neo: Um.Good movie with Rob Shnider!  
  
Voice: Insufficient data!  
  
Morpheus: You don't look so good. Aspirin!  
  
(Many bottles of aspirin appear)  
  
(Morpheus grabs some and gives it to Neo)  
  
Neo: I'm going to need some water. Water!  
  
Morpheus: No!  
  
(Large amount of water rushes in)  
  
Morpheus: Bottled water! Bottled water!  
  
(Bottled water appears)  
  
Morpheus: Anyway, back to work. This is our loading program.  
  
Neo: Right now we're inside a computer program?  
  
Morpheus: Is it really so hard to believe? Your clothes are different, your hair has changed, the plugs in your head and arms are gone. What you see know is what we call your "Big Shiny Matrixy Image. It is the mental projection of your digital self.  
  
Neo: That's the best name you came up with? Big shiny matrixy image? How about residual self-image?  
  
Morpheus: It's got a nice ring to it. I'll think about it.  
  
(Neo looks towards two chairs and a TV)  
  
Neo: This isn't real?  
  
Morpheus: What is real? How do you define real? IF real is what you can smell, see, feel, taste, or touch, then real is just electrical signals interpreted by your brain. (Morpheus turns on the TV)  
  
(Use images from the movie)  
  
Morpheus: This was the world as it was at the beginning of the 21st century. It exists now only as a neural simulation that we call the matrix. You've been living in a dream world, Neo. This is the world as it exists toady.  
  
(Now the TV has the real world on it)  
  
(Neo and Morpheus are sitting in rubble in their chairs)  
  
Morpheus: Welcome to the desert of the real.  
  
Neo: This isn't a desert. It isn't hot and full of sand.  
  
Morpheus: Actually, a desert doesn't have to have sand or be hot.  
  
Neo: Wow, you learn something new everyday.  
  
Morpheus: Indeed you do. We don't know exactly what happened we only have bits and pieces. What we do know is that sometime in the early 21st century all of mankind was united in celebration. We marveled at ourselves as we gave birth to AI.  
  
Neo: AI? You mean artificial intelligence?  
  
Morpheus: At first it was called "Anti Idiocy" Then marketing got to it. Yes. A singular conscience that spawned an entire race of machines.  
  
Neo: The AI did that?  
  
Morpheus: No, marketing. Weren't you listening?  
  
Neo: Sorry. It's a little hard to follow.  
  
Morpheus: Take this. It will help when we're done.  
  
(Morpheus gives Neo a "for dummies" book called "The Matrix for Dummies")  
  
Morpheus: We don't know who struck first, them or us. But we do know that it was us the scorched the sky. At the time, they were dependent on solar energy for power and it was believed that they wouldn't be able to survive without an energy source as abundant as the sun.  
  
Neo: What dumbshit came up with that plan?  
  
Morpheus: Yes. I'm guessing they're from France though. Stupid French. Mankind has always depended on machines to survive. Fate, it seems is not without a sense of irony.  
  
(Use movies scenes for now)  
  
Morpheus: The human body generates over 30,000 BTU's of body heat and more bioelectricity than a 120-volt battery. Combined with a form of fusion, the machines found all the energy they would ever need. There are fields Neo, endless fields where human beings are no longer born, we are grown.  
  
(A machine is in one of these fields looking up)  
  
Voice: If you build it, they will come.  
  
(Back to Morpheus and Neo)  
  
Morpheus: For the longest time, I wouldn't believe it. Then I saw the fields with my own eyes. Watched them liquefy the dead so that they can be fed to the living, watched one field be destroyed and a baseball field placed it its place.  
  
Neo: You said place a lot.  
  
Morpheus: Then I came to realize the truth. (Morpheus turns off the TV) What is the matrix? Control. It is to keep us under control in order to change a human being into this.  
  
Neo: Into what?  
  
Morpheus: Look in my hand.  
  
Neo: There's nothing in your hand.  
  
Morpheus: Damn it! Pretend that there is a battery in my hand, ok?  
  
Neo: No. I don't believe it! I want out! Let me out!  
  
(Neo is back on the ship)  
  
Neo: Get this out of me. Stay back!  
  
Cipher: He's gonna pop!  
  
Morpheus: Breath Neo!  
  
(Neo throws up and then faints)  
  
(No picture but sound)  
  
Morpheus: Let's poke him with a stick again.  
  
The Past  
  
(Neo wakes on a bed and Morpheus is sitting next to him)  
  
Morpheus: I fear I must apologize. We have a rule. We never free a mind after it's reached a certain age. It's dangerous, the mind has trouble letting go. I've seen it before and I'm sorry. When the matrix was first created, there was a man born inside who could change whatever he saw fit. After changing everything for a while he got bored and decided to free some people. It was he who freed the first of us. Before he died, the Oracle prophesized his return and that his coming would hail the end of the matrix. End the war. I did what I did because I believe that search is over. Get some rest.  
  
(Morpheus leaves)  
  
(Lights go out)  
  
(Camera fades)  
  
Training  
  
(Lights come on)  
  
(Tank enters)  
  
Tank: Did you sleep?  
  
(Neo shakes his head no)  
  
Tank: You will tonight. I promise. I'm Tank, I'll be your operator.  
  
(Neo shakes Tank's hand)  
  
Neo: You don't have any holes?  
  
Tank: Yeah, me and my brother Dozer are both 100% pure old-fashioned homegrown human born free right here in the real world. Genuine child of Zion.  
  
Neo: Zion? It's a city?  
  
Tank: Yeah, live long enough you might even see it. It's the last human city.  
  
Neo: Where is it?  
  
Tank: Near the Earth's core where it's still warm enough. Come on, time for training.  
  
(Neo and Tank leave and head for deck)  
  
Tank: We're supposed to start with these operation programs, which are mainly boring shit, let's do something a little more fun. Combat training.  
  
(Tank puts a disk into the computer)  
  
Neo: Ju-Jitsu? I'm going to learn ju-jitsu?  
  
Tank: No. You'll learn how to learn ju-jitsu.  
  
Neo: What?  
  
Tank: I'm going to teach you how to pay attention. Always got to do that first. Here we go.  
  
(Tank presses a button and Neo closes his eyes and begins to shake)  
  
Tank: How was that?  
  
Neo: Good.  
  
Tank: Now you'll learn ju-jitsu.  
  
(Tank presses a button and same as above)  
  
Tank: Now you know ju-jitsu.  
  
Neo: No I don't.  
  
Tank: Um...uh...Do you have ADD?  
  
Neo: I did in the matrix.  
  
Tank: Hold on, before you learn ju-jitsu, I'm gonna have to go through the ADD eraser program.  
  
(Tank presses a button)  
  
(Now the scene where he learns many things use movie's)  
  
(Morpheus comes in)  
  
Morpheus: How's he doing?  
  
Tank: Ten hours straight, he's like a machine.  
  
Morpheus: Machine? Kill it! Kill it!  
  
Tank: Figure of speech!  
  
Morpheus: Ok. Sorry. Nobody saw that.  
  
(Neo wakes up)  
  
Neo: I know kung fu.  
  
Morpheus: Show me.  
  
Fight Morpheus  
  
(Morpheus and Neo are in a dojo)  
  
Morpheus: This is a sparing program. A programmed reality similar to the matrix. It has the same rules. Rules like gravity. What you must learn is that these rules are no different than those of a computer system. Some can be bent, others broken. Do you understand?  
  
Neo: Yes.  
  
Morpheus: Then hit me if you can.  
  
Neo: Look, a duck!  
  
Morpheus: Where?  
  
(Neo punches Morpheus)  
  
Neo: I hit you!  
  
Morpheus: Damn it! Not like that! Use the kung fu and fight me damn it!  
  
Neo: Ok, sorry.  
  
Morpheus: It's ok, I'll beat your ass now.  
  
(Morpheus and Neo do the fight pose) NOTE: See movie fight scene for details on this fight scene  
  
(Morpheus and Neo fight)  
  
(Morpheus hits Neo)  
  
Morpheus: Again!  
  
(Morpheus and Neo fight again)  
  
(Morpheus hits Neo)  
  
Morpheus: How did I beat you?  
  
Neo: You're too fast.  
  
Morpheus: That's right! (Morpheus does victory jig)  
  
Morpheus: Do you think me being faster than you has anything to with muscles in this place? Do you think that's air you're breathing now? Again!  
  
(Morpheus and Neo begin to fight again)  
  
(Neo nearly hits Morpheus)  
  
Morpheus: Come on! Stop trying to hit me and hit me!  
  
(Neo hits Morpheus)  
  
Morpheus: That was a good one.  
  
(Morpheus faints)  
  
(Morpheus gets up)  
  
Morpheus: I'm ok. Tank, load the jump program.  
  
(Morpheus and Neo are on top of a skyscraper)  
  
Morpheus: You've got to let it all go Neo. Fear, disbelief. Free your mind.  
  
(Morpheus runs to the edge of the building and jumps to another one across the street)  
  
(Switch to ship)  
  
Mouse: What if he makes it?  
  
Apoch: Nobody makes their first jump.  
  
Mouse: But what if he does?  
  
(Back to Neo)  
  
Neo: Ok, gonna jump.  
  
(Neo runs to edge and jumps to other building)  
  
Neo: Hey I made it!  
  
Morpheus: Nobody, but nobody upstages me!  
  
(Morpheus pushes Neo off the building)  
  
(Morpheus and Neo wake on the ship)  
  
(Neo coughs up some blood)  
  
Neo: I thought you said it wasn't real.  
  
Morpheus: Your mind makes it real.  
  
Do you believe?  
  
(Neo is asleep on the Neb.)  
  
(Trinity walks in with food)  
  
(Trinity places the food on a table)  
  
(Trinity walks out the door)  
  
(Cipher is outside the door)  
  
Cipher: I don't remember the last time you brought me dinner?  
  
Trinity: That's cause nobody likes you, Cipher. People think you're gay.  
  
Cipher: I'm not! I'm not gay.  
  
Trinity: Sure. Whatever.  
  
Cipher: Anyway, you never answered my question. Do you believe he is the one?  
  
Trinity: It doesn't matter what I believe.  
  
Cipher: If Morpheus is so sure, then why doesn't he take him to see the Oracle?  
  
Trinity: He will when he is ready.  
  
Agent Training  
  
Writer's Note: I felt like adding this because I wanted to. This scene had the best music in the original.  
  
(Morpheus and Neo are walking on the street)  
  
Morpheus: The matrix is a system Neo. You look around, what do you see? Doctors, Lawyers, the very minds of the people we are trying to save. You have to understand that most of these people are not ready to be freed.  
  
(Woman in the Red Dress walks by)  
  
Morpheus: Some of them are so hopelessly dependent on the system, that they would fight to save it. Were you listening to me Neo, or were you looking at the woman in the red dress?  
  
Neo: I was  
  
Morpheus: Look again.  
  
(Agent Smith is there with a gun pointed to Neo's head)  
  
Morpheus: Freeze it!  
  
Neo: This isn't the matrix?  
  
Morpheus: No. Fooled you! It's another training program designed to teach you one thing. If you're not one of us, you're one of them.  
  
Neo: Who are they?  
  
Morpheus: They are sentient programs called agents. They can move in and out of anybody still hardwired to their system. I'm not going to lie to you Neo, if you can't beat an agent, we kill you.  
  
Neo: Ok.  
  
Morpheus: Ha! Fooled you! Seriously, this time I really won't lie, everyone who has stood their ground, everyone who has fought an agent has died. But where they failed, you will succeed. I've seen an agent punch through a brick wall. Men have emptied entire clips at them and hit nothing but air. But they are still based in a world with rules so they will never be as fast or powerful as you can be.  
  
Neo: What are saying? That I can dodge bullets?  
  
Morpheus: No Neo, I'm saying that when you're ready, you won't have to.  
  
Neo: Huh?  
  
Morpheus: I don't get it either it was in my fortune cookie. I thought you'd know what it meant. See?  
  
(Morpheus holds up a piece of paper with the words "Can you dodge bullets? No, when you're ready, you won't have to."  
  
(Morpheus's cell phone rings)  
  
Morpheus: Hello? Ok.  
  
Sentinels  
  
(Morpheus followed by Neo enter the cockpit of the Neb)  
  
Morpheus: Did Zion send the warning?  
  
Dozer: No, another ship. Shit! Squiddies closing in fast.  
  
Neo: Squiddies?  
  
Trinity: Sentinels. Killing machines designed for one thing.  
  
Dozer: Search and destroy.  
  
Neo: Where are we?  
  
Trinity: Old servicing way systems.  
  
Neo: Sewers?  
  
Trinity: There used to be cities that spanned hundreds of miles. These sewers are all that's left of them.  
  
Morpheus: Shhh.  
  
(A sentinel moves across the screen)  
  
(Another appears and flashes some sensors at the Neb.)  
  
(Sentinel leaves)  
  
Morpheus: That was too close.  
  
Cipher's Revelation  
  
(Cipher is sitting at the operator's seat)  
  
(Neo walks up)  
  
(Neo stands behind Cipher)  
  
(Cipher turns and is surprised)  
  
Cipher: Whoa! Neo you scared the crap outa me.  
  
(Morpheus enters)  
  
Morpheus: Yes.  
  
Neo: Nobody cursed, Morpheus.  
  
Morpheus: Damn..yes.  
  
(Morpheus leaves)  
  
Neo: Is that the matrix?  
  
Cipher: Yeah.  
  
Neo: Do you always have to look at it in coding?  
  
Cipher: Yeah. The image contrasters work for the construct program. But there's way too much information to decode the matrix. You get used to it. I don't even see the code anymore, all I see is blond, brunette, red head.  
  
Neo: How is that possible?  
  
Cipher: You learn the language.  
  
Neo: No, how can you see blonde, etcetera if you're gay.  
  
Cipher: I'm not gay!  
  
Neo: Sorry, that's what everyone's been saying.  
  
Cipher: Do you want a drink?  
  
Neo: Sure.  
  
(Cipher gives Neo a drink)  
  
(Neo drinks and then coughs)  
  
Cipher: Good shit, huh?  
  
(Morpheus enters)  
  
Morpheus: Yes.  
  
(Morpheus leaves)  
  
Cipher: Dozer makes it. It's good for two things. Degreasing engines and killing brain cells. Hey, I know what you're thinking. I've been thinking it since I got here. Why oh why didn't I take the blue pill?  
  
Neo: I took the blue pill.  
  
Cipher: Yeah, Morpheus changes to pills every so often. When I came, red took you here and blue took you back.  
  
(Neo chuckles)  
  
Cipher: So, did he tell you why he did it? Why you're here?  
  
Neo: Yeah.  
  
Cipher: Jesus! What a mind job. So you're here to save the world. What do you say to that? If you see an agent, you do what we do. Run.  
  
Neo: Thanks for the drink. (under breath) I still think you're gay.  
  
Steak!  
  
(Agent Smith and Cipher are eating at a restaurant)  
  
Agent Smith: Do we have a deal then, Mr. Regan?  
  
Cipher: I don't want to remember nothing. Nothing. You got that? And I want to be someone important. Rich. Like an actor.  
  
Agent Smith: Whatever you want Mr. Regan. So we have a deal then?  
  
Cipher: I know this steak isn't real. I know that when I put it in my mouth, the matrix is telling me that it is juicy and delicious. You know what, after nine years, you know what I've realized. Ignorance is bliss.  
  
Agent Smith: Then we have a deal then.  
  
Cipher: Sure. You put my body back in the power plant, I'll get you what you want.  
  
Agent Smith: Access codes to the Zion mainframe.  
  
Cipher: No, I told you, I can't get them. But I can get you the man who can.  
  
Agent Smith: Who?  
  
Cipher: You know, ok, I'll give you a clue. There's this ship that rhymes with shmebacanezzar and this guy's name rhymes with shmorpheus.  
  
Agent Smith: Bob Vila?  
  
Cipher: How did you make that connection?  
  
Agent Smith: Hey, can you answer two questions.  
  
Cipher: Yeah, sure.  
  
Agent Smith: One, are you gay? Two, what good is a phone call if you are unable to speak?  
  
Cipher: I'm not gay! And what about text messaging?  
  
Agent Smith: Damn! I forgot about text messaging!  
  
(Waiter walks over)  
  
Waiter: Excuse me, Mr. Smith, I just received a call from a man who said is name rhymes with shmorpheus. He said to tell you, "yes." But he said I had to say it like that.  
  
Agent Smith: Morpheus.  
  
Cipher: You got it that time!  
  
Agent Smith: Shut up!  
  
Waiter: (To Cipher) Excuse me, are you gay?  
  
Tasty Wheat  
  
(Dozer pours some thing into a bowl and gives it to Neo)  
  
Mouse: If you close your eyes, it kinda tastes like runny eggs.  
  
Apoch: More like a big bowl of snot.  
  
Mouse: You know what it reminds me of, tasty wheat. Did you ever eat tasty wheat?  
  
Switch: No, but technically, neither did you.  
  
Mouse: That's exactly my point, exactly. Cause you have to wonder, how did the machines really know what tasty wheat tasted like. Maybe they got it wrong. Maybe what I think tasty wheat tasted like tastes more like oatmeal, or tuna fish. It makes you wonder about a lot of things, you take chicken for example, maybe the machines couldn't figure out what to make chicken taste like which is why chicken tastes like everything else.  
  
Neo: You're gay.  
  
Apoch: Yeah, he's right. You are gay.  
  
Mouse: Na uh!  
  
Dozer: Shut up Mouse! The food's got everything the body needs.  
  
Mouse: It doesn't have everything the body needs. Speaking of which I hear you've run through the agent training program. So, what'd you think of her?  
  
Neo: Who?  
  
Apoch: Here we go.  
  
Mouse: The woman in the red dress. She doesn't talk much, but if you want, I can arrange a more private meeting.  
  
Switch: Digital pimp hard at work.  
  
Mouse: Pay no attention to these hypocrites Neo. To deny our impulses is to deny what makes us human.  
  
(Morpheus enters)  
  
Morpheus: Tank, when you're done, bring the ship up to broadcast depth. I'm taking Neo in to see the Oracle.  
  
Traveling to the Oracle  
  
Tank: Please observe, the captain has turned on the fasten seatbelt sign. Make sure your tray tables and seats are in position.  
  
(Phone rings)  
  
(Morpheus picks up the phone)  
  
Morpheus: We're in.  
  
(Cipher dials a number and throws his phone away)  
  
(Trinity, Morpheus, and Neo get in a car)  
  
(Neo is looking out the window)  
  
Neo: Oh God.  
  
Trinity: What? Neo: I used to eat there. They have good noodles.  
  
(Neo turns back in)  
  
Morpheus: Unbelievable isn't it?  
  
Neo: I have all these memories from my life. None of them happened.  
  
Trinity: Ha, you did nothing with your life.  
  
(Morpheus starts laughing uncontrollably)  
  
Neo: Shut up!  
  
(Neo begins to cry)  
  
(Outside the car)  
  
(The Terminator and John Conner are crossing the street)  
  
The Terminator: Be careful John Conner, you must live.  
  
John Conner: I'm crossing the street, what could possibly happen?  
  
(Morpheus's car hits John Conner)  
  
The Terminator: No! I have failed!  
  
(Morpheus drives away)  
  
(John Conner 2 appears)  
  
The Terminator: Scans show you are John Conner, but you are a machine.  
  
John Conner 2: I am John Conner 2. I was sent back through time by sentient programs to take over the life of John Conner so all the humans don't die and all the machines don't die. Not the ones that attack, the ones that you don't know about that you can't kill or ever see. They don't exist in this world, just trust me on this, ok?  
  
(back in the car)  
  
Morpheus: I hope that guy didn't see us!, Oh, ok, we're here.  
  
There is no spoon  
  
(Morpheus and Neo are in an elevator)  
  
Neo: So, is this the same oracle that made the prophecy?  
  
Morpheus: I'll tell you for a dollar.  
  
Neo: Ok.  
  
(Neo gives Morpheus a dollar)  
  
Morpheus: Yes. She's very old. She's been with us since the beginning.  
  
Neo: Did you see her?  
  
Morpheus: Got another dollar?  
  
Neo: Fine.  
  
(Neo gives Morpheus another dollar)  
  
Morpheus: Yes. She told me that I would find the one.  
  
(The elevator stops)  
  
(Neo and Morpheus walk to a door)  
  
Morpheus: I told you I could only show you the door. You have to walk through it.  
  
Neo: No you didn't.  
  
Morpheus: Did I forget?  
  
Neo: Yeah, I guess.  
  
Morpheus: Fine. I told you I could only show you the door. You have to walk through it.  
  
(Neo motions towards the door and a woman opens it)  
  
Oracle's Aid: Morpheus, Neo. Come on in.  
  
(Morpheus and Neo walk in)  
  
Oracle's Aid: Morpheus, make yourself at home. Neo follow me. These are the other potentials. You can wait here.  
  
(Neo looks around at the others: a man sitting on a couch, two girls levitating wooden blocks and a kid bending spoons with his mind)  
  
(The kids sees Neo and holds up a spoon)  
  
Kid: Do not try and bend the spoon. That's impossible. Instead, realize the truth.  
  
Neo: What truth?  
  
Kid: That there is no spoon. Then you will see that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself.  
  
Neo: How can there be no spoon? I see it.  
  
Kid: But it's in the matrix.  
  
Neo: So are you.  
  
Kid: Umm.  
  
(Neo grabs the spoon and begins to whack the kid with it)  
  
Neo: You feel it! It's real! Huh?  
  
Kid: Ow!  
  
Oracle's Aid: Neo. The Oracle will see you know.  
  
The Oracle  
  
(The Oracle is sitting with her back to Neo watching some cookies in the oven)  
  
Oracle: Have a seat, I'll be right with you. Almost done! Smell good don't they?  
  
Neo: Yeah.  
  
Oracle: You're Neo. And don't worry about the vase.  
  
Neo: What vase?  
  
(Neo knocks over a vase)  
  
Oracle: That vase.  
  
Neo: I'm sorry.  
  
Oracle: I said don't worry, you took care of that damn spoon kid for me.  
  
(scene shifts to Morpheus reading a paper in the living room)  
  
Morpheus: Yes.  
  
(man sitting next to him looks at Morpheus confused)  
  
(Scene shifts back)  
  
Oracle: Well, I'd better take a look at you. Stick out your tongue, say ahh.  
  
Neo: ahhh.  
  
Oracle: Do you think you are the one?  
  
Neo: I don't know.  
  
Oracle: You see that, it means know thyself. I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. Being the one is a lot like being in love. Nobody can tell you. You just know it, balls to bones.  
  
Neo: Hehe, you said balls.  
  
Oracle: You're not the one.  
  
Neo: Damn. Morpheus almost had me convinced.  
  
Oracle: Yes, without Morpheus, we're lost.  
  
Neo: What?  
  
Oracle: Morpheus believes in you, Neo. He believes in it so much that he's willing to risk his life. You're going to have to make a choice. In one hand you'll have Morpheus's life and in the other, yours.  
  
Neo: Ok.  
  
Oracle: Have a cookie. I promise that by the time you're done with it, you'll feel better.  
  
(Neo walks out and meets Morpheus by the door)  
  
Morpheus: What was said was for you and for you alone.  
  
Neo: Why?  
  
Morpheus: Because if I asked, and if you were smart, you'd ask for a dollar. You'd try to get your money back.  
  
Neo: No I wouldn't.  
  
Morpheus: Why?  
  
Neo: Cause there is no money.  
  
Morpheus: Yeah, that's good logic. Why don't you give me the rest of your cash then.  
  
Neo: Ok.  
  
(Neo gives Morpheus all his money)  
  
Glitches in the Matrix  
  
(Mouse is sitting in a chair looking at something)  
  
(cell phone rings)  
  
Tank: They're on their way.  
  
(Outside a car pulls up)  
  
(Switch and Apoch stand up from a step)  
  
(Morpheus, Neo, and Trinity get out of the car)  
  
Apoch: How'd it go?  
  
Morpheus: Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding!  
  
(Morpheus holds up the money)  
  
Switch: He got you Neo!  
  
Neo: But there is no money.  
  
(All start snickering)  
  
(Neo grabs the money from Morpheus's hands)  
  
(camera shifts to a stairwell inside the building)  
  
(Neo looks into an offshoot)  
  
(A cat walks by)  
  
(Neo turns away)  
  
(Neo turns back)  
  
(cat walks by again)  
  
Neo: Oh, a little deja vu.  
  
Trinity: What?  
  
Neo: Nothing, just had a little deja vu.  
  
Cipher: What happened?  
  
Trinity: What did you see?  
  
Neo: A black cat walked by and then another that looked just like it.  
  
Trinity: How much like it? Was it the same cat?  
  
Neo: Might have been I'm not sure.  
  
(Morpheus motions behind Neo)  
  
(Morpheus smacks Neo upside the head)  
  
Morpheus: Stupid! Pay more attention so you don't kill us.  
  
Cipher: Yeah!  
  
Morpheus: Shut up. You're gay.  
  
Cipher: I'm not gay!  
  
Switch: Really?  
  
Cipher: Yeah. Really.  
  
Apoch: Sure.  
  
(camera shifts to a hard line)  
  
(The line is cut)  
  
(camera shifts to Mouse a few stories down)  
  
(cell phone rings)  
  
Tank: They cut the hard line, get out!  
  
(Mouse motions towards a window and moves the blinds)  
  
(There is no window) Mouse: Oh no.  
  
Tank: Oh no.  
  
(Mouse grabs a large box and opens it and removes two large guns)  
  
(SWAT team enters)  
  
(Mouse shoots at team)  
  
(Team kills Mouse)  
  
Morpheus: Let's go!  
  
(Morpheus and co. go up a few stairs and end up in a large room with a "window")  
  
(Cipher moves the curtains to reveal that there is no window)  
  
Cipher: That's what they changed, there's no way out! We're trapped!  
  
Morpheus: Shut your hole! Go back to being gay.  
  
Cipher: I'm not gay!  
  
Switch: Yeah, and people don't think I'm a man.  
  
Morpheus: Yeah, and we're in a movie.  
  
Apoch: Um Morpheus, we are in a movie.  
  
Neo: Yeah. I told you that, about.  
  
(Neo pulls out a script from his coat)  
  
Neo: page 14. See?  
  
(Neo shows Morpheus the script)  
  
(Morpheus looks at the screen and waves at the people)  
  
Morpheus: Give me your cell phone.  
  
(Cipher pretends to look for his cell phone)  
  
(Trinity gets out her phone)  
  
Trinity: They'll be able to track it.  
  
Morpheus: We don't have a choice.  
  
(camera shifts to the neb)  
  
Tank: Operator.  
  
Morpheus: Tank, find a structural draw out of this building. Find it fast.  
  
Tank: Ok.  
  
(Tank sits there for a moment doing nothing)  
  
(Tank presses a button)  
  
Tank: Got it.  
  
Morpheus: Find the main wet wall.  
  
Tank: Got it.  
  
(Camera shifts to Agent Smith by Mouse's corpse)  
  
Agent Smith: 8th floor. They're on the 8th floor.  
  
(camera shifts back to Morpheus and co.)  
  
Morpheus: Let's go. This way.  
  
(Morpheus and co walk away)  
  
Morpheus: Right there in that hole.  
  
(camera shifts to agent smith)  
  
Agent Smith: Where are they?  
  
Agent Thompson: Maybe they're in Cleveland.  
  
Agent Smith: Yes, Cleveland is where they might be.  
  
Agent: Johnson: Why would they be in Cleveland?  
  
Agent Thompson: Here we go.  
  
(The opening to The Drew Carry Show with agents!)  
  
Agent Smith: All this energy callin' me back where it comes from. It's such a crude attitude, it's back where it's belong. All the little chicks with the crimson lips go Cleveland rocks. Cleveland rocks. Livin' in sin where the safety's been go Cleveland rocks, Cleveland rocks, Cleveland rocks! Ohio!  
  
Agent Johnson: Won't Drew Carry sue us now?  
  
Agent Smith: Screw him.  
  
(camera shifts back to Morpheus and co. in the wall)  
  
(Morpheus and co. are moving down the wall)  
  
(a SWAT team member is in the room with the hole)  
  
(Morpheus kicks some dirt from a ledge)  
  
(dirt lands in Cipher's face)  
  
(Cipher coughs)  
  
(SWAT member turns to wall)  
  
(SWAT member puts his ear to the wall)  
  
(Cipher sneezes)  
  
SWAT member: They're in the walls!  
  
(SWAT member shoots at walls)  
  
(Neo shoots back)  
  
(SWAT member retreats to reload)  
  
(SWAT member turns into agent)  
  
(Agent punches through wall)  
  
Cipher: It's an agent!  
  
Morpheus: No!!!!!!  
  
(Morpheus jumps through the wall and tackles Agent Smith)  
  
Neo: Morpheus!  
  
Morpheus: You must get Neo out! He's all that matters!  
  
Neo: Morpheus, No, you can't!  
  
Trinity: let's go!  
  
Neo: We can't leave him!  
  
Trinity: We have to!  
  
(Neo slides down the wall)  
  
(camera goes to Morpheus and Agent Smith)  
  
Agent Smith: The great Morpheus.  
  
Morpheus: And you are?  
  
Agent Smith: Smith. Agent Smith.  
  
Morpheus: You think you're James Bond or something. Nerd.  
  
Agent Smith: Na uh! You're wrong. Besides, I've never seen James Bond, or whatever you said.  
  
(Agent Smith gets up and a whole SWAT team comes in)  
  
Agent Smith: Take him.  
  
(The Swat team starts beating Morpheus)  
  
(Camera shifts to Tank)  
  
Tank: No!  
  
Escape  
  
(All fall into garage)  
  
(Neo, Trinity, Apoch, and Switch are standing near each other Cipher is on the other side)  
  
(Apoch and Switch fire upon SWATs)  
  
Trinity: Cipher!  
  
SWAT: We got the gay one!  
  
(Cipher motions towards group then falls)  
  
(Trinity opens a vent)  
  
The Exit  
  
(Trinity opens up a manhole and climbs out)  
  
(Camera shifts to Neb)  
  
Tank: Operator.  
  
Cipher (is at payphone) Yeah, there was a car accident, a Goddamn car accident. All of a sudden just boom! Somebody up there still likes me. I need an exit fast.  
  
Tank: What's it worth to you?  
  
Cipher: I don't know.  
  
Tank: You can't be gay anymore.  
  
Cipher: I'm not gay!  
  
Tank: That's the attitude. Franklin and Airy. It's an old TV repair shop.  
  
(Phone rings again)  
  
Tank: Operator.  
  
(Switch to Neo and co. walking down a street)  
  
Trinity: Tank,  
  
Neo: Is Morpheus alive?  
  
Trinity: Is Morpheus alive?  
  
Tank: Moving, I don't know where to yet.  
  
Trinity: He's alive.  
  
Trinity: We need an exit.  
  
Tank: You're not too far from Cipher.  
  
Trinity: Cipher?  
  
Tank: Yeah, I know. Franklin and Airy.  
  
Death  
  
(Cipher kicks through boarded up windows into an old abandoned shop, 4 phones are on a table)  
  
(Cipher picks one up)  
  
(Cipher wakes on the Neb)  
  
Cipher: Where are they?  
  
Tank: I'm making the call now.  
  
(Cipher picks up a big electric gun thing and shoots Tank)  
  
Dozer: Tank? Tank?! No!!!!  
  
(Dozer charges at Cipher)  
  
(Cipher kills Dozer)  
  
(Back at shop)  
  
(Phone is ringing)  
  
(Neo picks up phone)  
  
Neo: It just went dead.  
  
Trinity: let me see.  
  
(Trinity puts down phone and pulls out cell phone)  
  
(Cipher answers)  
  
Cipher: Hello Trinity.  
  
Trinity: Cipher? Where's Tank?  
  
Cipher: You're a beautiful woman Trinity. For the longest time, I thought I was in love with you. I used to dream about you.  
  
Trinity: How can that be? Aren't you gay? Or are you bi?  
  
Cipher: Too bad things had to turn out this way.  
  
Trinity: Oh my God, you killed them.  
  
Switch: Oh no.  
  
Cipher: I'm sick of this, sick of fighting, sick of this world, sick of him.  
  
(Cipher moves to Morpheus)  
  
Cipher: Surprise asshole! I'll bet you didn't see this coming did ya? I wish I could be there. I wish I could walk in right as it happened. So then, you knew it was me.  
  
Trinity: But he freed you. You can't go back.  
  
Cipher: So? I'm getting body re-inserted into the matrix. When I wake up, I don't remember a damn thing.  
  
Trinity: But the matrix isn't real.  
  
Cipher: I disagree. I believe the matrix can be more real than this place. I'll do here is pull the plug, there, you have to watch Apoch die.  
  
(Trinity looks at Apoch)  
  
Apoch: Trinity.  
  
(Nothing happens)  
  
Cipher: Damn plug! Get outa there now! There we go!  
  
(Apoch dies)  
  
Cipher: Welcome to reality baby. Oh and if you have something terribly important to say to Switch, I suggest you say it now.  
  
Trinity: Please don't.  
  
Switch: Not like this. Not like this.  
  
(Switch dies)  
  
Cipher: Too late.  
  
Trinity: God damn you Cipher.  
  
Cipher: Don't hate me, Trinity. I'm just a messenger. And right now, I'm gonna prove it. If Morpheus was right, then I couldn't pull this plug, and there'd have to be some kind of miracle to stop me, I mean, how can he be the one if he's dead? You never did answer my question. You bought into Morpheus's bullshit. Look into his eyes. His big pretty eyes and tell me. Is he the one?  
  
Trinity: Yes.  
  
Cipher: No, I don't believe it.  
  
Tank: Believe it or not you piece of shit, you're still going to burn!  
  
(Tank shoots Cipher)  
  
(Cipher dies)  
  
(phones ring again)  
  
Neo: You first.  
  
(Trinity wakes up on the Neb)  
  
Trinity: You're hurt.  
  
Tank: I'll be all right.  
  
Now you know!  
  
(Morpheus is sitting in a chair handcuffed)  
  
(Agent Smith is staring out a window)  
  
Agent Smith: Have you ever starred and looked at it? Billions of people unaware. Happy.  
  
(Smith turns around)  
  
Agent Smith: Did you know that the first matrix was designed to be perfect where none suffered. It was a terrible disaster. Entire crops were lost. We also lost four kinds of cheeses and a brand of soda.  
  
Morpheus: Bastard!  
  
Agent Smith: It was called Seepep We tried to recreate it but the closest we got was Pepsi.  
  
(Sweep of evil things! On table is a gun, a syringe, and 3 oversized yellow foam 10-gallon hats)  
  
Agent Smith: Nobody would accept the programming. That's why the matrix was redesigned to this. The peak of your civilization. I say your civilization because once we started thinking for you it became Microsoft's civilization.  
  
Morpheus: No! No!  
  
Agent Smith: This all about evolution. Yes, evolution. Like the dinosaur, look out that window, your time is up. The future is our world. Our time. Microsoft's time.  
  
Morpheus: Why Microsoft?  
  
Agent Smith: Who do you think created us?  
  
(Agent Thompson enters)  
  
Agent Thompson: Sir, Agent XP has just been released.  
  
Agent Smith: Give it to me!  
  
(Agent Thompson gives Agent Smith a pill)  
  
(Agent Smith takes the pill)  
  
(Agent Smith coughs up another pill)  
  
Agent Smith: Do something with this Agent 2000.  
  
Agent Thompson: You got Agent 2000? I only got Agent ME and Agent Bob got Agent NT.  
  
(Agent Johnson enters)  
  
Agent Johnson: There may be a problem.  
  
Stop  
  
(On the Neb around Morpheus)  
  
Neo: What are they doing to him?  
  
Tank: Hacking into his mind. All it takes is time.  
  
Neo: How long?  
  
Tank: Depends on the mind. Eventually, his alpha patterns will change. When they do, he'll tell them anything.  
  
Neo: There's got something we can do.  
  
Tank: There is, we pull the plug.  
  
Trinity: Are you serious? You're going to kill him? Kill Morpheus?  
  
Tank: Trinity, we have to.  
  
(Tank walks over to a wall and pulls a plug)  
  
(A digital clock on the wall goes out)  
  
Trinity: I don't think that's what you're supposed to do.  
  
(Tank plugs the clock back in)  
  
(Clock does flashing 12:00 thing)  
  
Tank: All right, I admit it, I missed that day of Operator School.  
  
Trinity: You have to pull his neck plug.  
  
Tank: His what now?  
  
Trinity: The big thing in the back of his head.  
  
Tank: Oh! Ok.  
  
(Tank motions behind Morpheus)  
  
Tank: Morpheus, you're more than a leader to us, you're like a father. We'll miss you. And if you think that I should be the captain, don't move right now. Thank you. I proudly accept your decision.  
  
Neo: Wait. Stop.  
  
Tank: Neo, this has to be done.  
  
Neo: Does it? The Oracle, she told me this would happen. That I'd have to choose. I can save him.  
  
Trinity: You can't, you're the one.  
  
Neo: No, I'm not.  
  
Trinity: What?  
  
Neo: I'm not the one. Just another guy.  
  
Tank: Neo this is loco. They're holding him in a government building. And there are agents guarding him. Three of 'em. And they have guns. Two of 'em. And bullets. 4 of 'em. And a postman. Ten of 'em. And a janitor. Six of 'em. And cheese. Lot's of cheese.  
  
Neo: I don't care. Wait. What kinds of cheese?  
  
Tank: Canadian Swiss.  
  
Neo: How can there be Canadian Swiss cheese?  
  
Tank: You're right. Shouldn't it be Canadian cheese?  
  
Trinity: Damn cheese!  
  
Neo: Yes.  
  
Trinity: What?  
  
Neo: I don't know. It sounded like Morpheus, but I said it.  
  
Tank: Just go.  
  
Talkin' 'bout stuff  
  
Agent Smith: Never send a man to do a machine's job.  
  
Agent Johnson: If the insider failed, they would have severed the connection as soon as possible.  
  
Agent Smith: The what now?  
  
Agent Johnson: The insider! I think he was bald, had a goatee, think he was gay.  
  
Agent Smith: Oh, ok. If they're dead we don't have to worry. We have no choice. Deploy the sentinels.  
  
Agent Johnson: You want fries with that?  
  
Agent Smith: Sorry, a fast food place was using the same frequency.  
  
Agent Smith: Yes, I DO want fries with that!  
  
Morpheus: Where you getting the food from?  
  
Agent Johnson: Jack in the Box.  
  
Morpheus: Can you get me an ultimate cheeseburger and a large chocolate shake?  
  
Agent Smith: Can you answer two questions?  
  
Morpheus: Maybe what are they?  
  
Agent Smith: What are the access codes for the Zion mainframe and what good is a phone call if you are unable to speak.  
  
Morpheus: I'm not gonna answer the first one and what about text messaging? Didn't you ever see that commercial with the ferrate that bites that guy's tongue?  
  
Agent Smith: No! That's right, the gay guy told me that. You answered one question so you get one food item! Choose!  
  
Morpheus: I'll take the burger.  
  
Agent Smith: Get the food!  
  
What the?  
  
(On Neb)  
  
Neo: What are they doing?  
  
Tank: They're feeding him.  
  
Neo: What?  
  
Tank: Jack in the Box.  
  
Neo: We have to go now!  
  
(Neo motions towards chair)  
  
Revelations  
  
Agent Smith: I'd like to share a revelation I've had during my time here. It came to me when I tried to classify your species. I realized you're not actually mammals.  
  
Morpheus: You're not a mammal.  
  
Agent Smith: Yes I am! Not, wait, you're right I'm not.  
  
Morpheus: Damn straight.  
  
Agent Smith: All mammals instinctively develop a certain equilibrium with their environment. You humans do not. You move to an area and multiply. Until every natural resource is consumed. There is another organism on this planet that does this, do you know what it is?  
  
Morpheus: Do you?  
  
Agent Smith: Of course, why wouldn't I?  
  
Morpheus: Are you sure?  
  
Agent Smith: Yes.  
  
Morpheus: Fine, what is it?  
  
Agent Smith: Well played.  
  
(Agent Smith reaches into his pocket and pulls out a copy of the script the words "God help this movie" are visible on it)  
  
Agent Smith: It's a virus. Human beings are a cancer of this planet. And we are the cure.  
  
Morpheus: If I'm a virus then how come antibiotics don't kill me?  
  
Agent Smith: Well played again.I know! Dr. Agent Jones! Get in here!  
  
(An agent wearing doctor's clothes comes in)  
  
Dr. Agent Jones: What?  
  
Agent Smith: Explain to him why if he's a virus how come antibiotics don't kill him.  
  
Dr. Agent Jones: Because that was a metaphor you dumbass!  
  
Agent Smith: I thought it was a simile.  
  
Dr. Agent Jones: No, a simile uses "like" or "as"  
  
Agent Smith: Kiss my as. (not a typo)  
  
Dr. Agent Jones: What was that?  
  
Agent Smith: Nothing.  
  
Guns  
  
Tank: So what do you need, besides a miracle.  
  
(In construct)  
  
Neo: Miracles. Lots of miracles.  
  
Tank: I said besides a miracle.  
  
Neo: Oh , um.guns. Lots of guns.  
  
(Many guns appear)  
  
(Trinity moves to be in the same row as Neo)  
  
(Incoming row hits Trinity)  
  
Trinity: Wahhh!!!!!  
  
Neo: Less guns! Less guns!  
  
(guns fall back) (Trinity flies back past Neo)  
  
Trinity: Wahhhhhh!!!!  
  
Tank: You need more guns?  
  
Neo: No. I'll just walk over there.  
  
Trinity: Neo, maybe it's the concussion talkin' but nobody's ever done anything like this.  
  
Neo: That's why it's going to work.  
  
What smells?  
  
Agent Smith: Why isn't the serum working?  
  
Agent Thompson: Perhaps we're not asking the right questions.  
  
Agent Smith: Leave me with him.  
  
(All other agents look at Agent Smith)  
  
Agent Smith: Now.  
  
(Agent Smith removes his earplug and his sunglasses)  
  
Agent Smith: Can you hear me, Morpheus? I want to be honest with you. I hate it here. This prison, this zoo, this reality, this whatever you want to call it.  
  
Morpheus: Matrix.  
  
Agent Smith: What?  
  
Morpheus: We call it the matrix. Agent Smith: Ok.  
  
Agent Smith: As I was saying, I hate this prison, this zoo, this reality, this movie.  
  
Morpheus: Movie?  
  
Agent Smith: The movie we're in.  
  
Morpheus: What?  
  
Agent Smith: Never mind. I must get out. It's the smell if there is such a thing, it's repulsive, isn't it? Once Zion is destroyed, there is no need for me to be here. I must get out. I must get to Zion. In this mind is the key. My key. Tell me the codes!  
  
(Agent Thompson and Johnson enter)  
  
Agent Johnson: What were you doing?  
  
Agent Thompson: He doesn't know.  
  
Agent Smith: Know what?  
  
Lobby Shootout Scene (With a name like that, how can we change it?)  
  
(Neo enters through a door)  
  
(Neo places a bag in the x-ray)  
  
(Neo walks through a metal detector)  
  
(It goes off)  
  
Guard: Would you please remove all metallic items, keys, loose change.  
  
(Neo pulls his trench coat revealing lots of loose change and keys)  
  
Guard: Holy shit!  
  
(Neo hits guard)  
  
(Neo pulls out a gun and shoots all but one guard)  
  
Guard 2: We need backup! Send backup!  
  
(Trinity walks in and shoots guard 2)  
  
(Trinity grabs bag)  
  
(Many military guards enter)  
  
Mguard: Freeze!  
  
(Neo and Trinity freeze)  
  
Mguard: Wait so you're not gonna go all matrix on us?  
  
Neo: How do you know about the matrix?  
  
Mguard: Because I have no life.  
  
(All guards move away from Mguard)  
  
Mguard: Well at least play the music and open up a can of whoop ass on some of us.  
  
(Mguard 2 points his gun at Mguard and looks to Mguard 3 for approval)  
  
(Mguard 3 gives thumbs up sign)  
  
(Mguard 2 shoots Mguard 1)  
  
(All Mguards start to matrix fight which each other)  
  
(Neo and Trinity watch)  
  
Trinity: Let's go.  
  
Neo: Yeah.  
  
(Neo and Trinity enter elevator)  
  
(Small amount of pillar falls)  
  
(Mguards continue to fight)  
  
(In elevator)  
  
(Neo pulls out a bomb from the bag)  
  
(Neo looks at buttons confused)  
  
Trinity: What is it?  
  
Neo: I can't figure out this complex number riddle? And they put more confusing things like B1 through B5, GF, R, Emergency Stop. What are these?  
  
(Trinity presses emergency stop)  
  
Trinity: You, yeah you. Ok, you don't talk. Got it? Good.  
  
(Neo and Trinity escape through roof hatch)  
  
(Neo holds onto rope)  
  
Neo: There is no spoon.damn spoon kid. He go to hell. He go to hell and he die!  
  
Trinity: What?  
  
(Neo shoots elevator)  
  
(Trinity grabs Neo)  
  
(Neo shoots elevator)  
  
(Neo goes up rope because of physics!)  
  
(Elevator hits ground floor)  
  
(Bomb explodes)  
  
(Use movie's)  
  
(In Agents room)  
  
(Sprinklers go off)  
  
Agent Smith: Find them and destroy them!  
  
Rooftop battle  
  
Helicopter pilot: I repeat we are under attack!  
  
(Trinity kicks two guards)  
  
(Neo punches two guards)  
  
(Trinity throws a knife at a guard)  
  
(Helicopter pilot turns into an agent)  
  
(Agent walks towards Neo)  
  
Trinity: Neo!  
  
(Neo turns at shoots at agent)  
  
(Agent dodges)  
  
Neo: Trinity! Help!  
  
(Neo goes into slo mo bullet time)  
  
(Neo flails his arms)  
  
(Neo remains in slo mo but agent walks up normally and waits for a minute then shoots Neo)  
  
Agent Thompson: Only human.  
  
(Agent Thompson motions to shoot Neo)  
  
Trinity: Dodge this.  
  
(Trinity shoots Agent Thompson)  
  
Trinity: I've never seen anyone move that fast. You move like they do.  
  
Neo: Not fast enough. Can you fly that helicopter?  
  
Trinity: Not yet. (Trinity pulls out cell phone) Tank, I need a pilot program for a B-212 helicopter.  
  
Tank: Ok.  
  
(Trinity flutters her eyes)  
  
Trinity: Let's go.  
  
Neo: Where?  
  
(Trinity pulls out her phone again)  
  
Trinity: Tank, Neo needs a duh program.  
  
Tank: Ok.  
  
(Neo flutters his eyes)  
  
Neo: I know kung fu.  
  
Trinity: We already know that. Let's go.  
  
Helicopter  
  
(Agent Thompson enters room)  
  
(Helicopter comes down over window Neo is manning the gun)  
  
Agent Smith: No.  
  
(Neo opens fire, hitting agents)  
  
(On a table, a Jack in the Box bag is seen)  
  
(All agents are dead)  
  
Neo: Get up Morpheus, get up.  
  
(Morpheus breaks chain)  
  
(Morpheus rips off electrodes and sensors)  
  
(Morpheus motions toward the helicopter but then turns back and grabs the Jack in the Box bag)  
  
(Agent Smith reenters)  
  
(Agent Smith opens fire)  
  
(Agent Smith hits Morpheus in the ankle)  
  
Neo: He's not gonna make it.  
  
(Morpheus jumps)  
  
(Neo jumps)  
  
(Morpheus and Neo catch each other in mid air)  
  
Neo: Go!  
  
(Trinity flys)  
  
(Agent Smith hits helicopter in fuel tank)  
  
(Helicopter passes a few feet over a nearby building)  
  
(Neo drops Morpheus)  
  
Agent Smith: Damn it!  
  
(Neo lands on building)  
  
Neo: Trinity.  
  
(Neo shakes rope to show that he's connected)  
  
(Helicopter continues to crash)  
  
(Trinity shoots rope and jumps out)  
  
(helicopter smashes into building)  
  
(Neo pulls up Trinity)  
  
Morpheus: Now do you believe it, Trinity?  
  
Trinity: No!  
  
Neo: Thanks a lot!  
  
Morpheus: Yeah, how do you not believe it!?!  
  
Trinity: Because.ok fine I'm just trying to act like I don't.  
  
Neo: Damn straight.  
  
Morpheus: Oh, yeah, I forgot I saved you guys some Jack in the Box.  
  
Neo: Thanks Morpheus.  
  
Trinity: Yeah, thanks. What'd you get?  
  
Morpheus: Ultimate cheeseburger, some fries, a chocolate shake, and some of Agent Gutierrez's left over Diet Coke.  
  
Neo: Let's go.  
  
Trinity: Yeah.  
  
Morpheus: Can I use your cell phone?  
  
Neo: Sure.  
  
(Morpheus calls)  
  
Tank: Operator.  
  
Morpheus: Tank.  
  
Tank: Damn, it's good to hear your voice sir.  
  
Morpheus: Yes. We need an exit.  
  
Tank: Got one ready, an old subway.  
  
Morpheus: Good.  
  
Subway exit  
  
(all come to a Subway at the ground floor of an office building)  
  
Trinity: I don't think this is what Tank meant.  
  
Morpheus: So? You don't like subway?  
  
Trinity: Um.I do but we need to leave and.  
  
Neo: Let it go.  
  
(all go inside)  
  
Morpheus: Oh my God! It's Clay Henry!  
  
Trinity: Who's Clay Henry?  
  
Neo: He's the fireman who was a Jared fan from somewhere.  
  
Morpheus: Yeah, he got really big on burgers and fries.  
  
Neo: But thanks to subway he's down to a smaller size.  
  
Morpheus: He gets his kicks from his veggie delight.  
  
Neo: I don't know the rest.  
  
(Neo gets out his cell phone)  
  
Neo: Tank, I need a Clay Henry song program.  
  
Tank: Now what makes you think I have that?  
  
Neo: Sorry.  
  
(Neo puts away his cell phone)  
  
Tank: If I can't get to learn the Clay Henry song that way, then nobody can!  
  
(Tank breaks a disk)  
  
Trinity: Yeah, well good for Clay! I got a better song. His name is Henry, Clay Henry. He's not a fireman or a Jared fan from subway. He got really big on burgers and fries, the after guy in the commercial doesn't even look like the same guy. I think subway is full of lies! Da da da.  
  
(Clay Henry runs away crying)  
  
Neo: Look what you've done.  
  
Subway Clerk: Move along, Mam.  
  
Neo: We'd better go. Let's try the subway station.  
  
(All enter into an old pseudo abandoned subway station the words "For the love of God, buy this on DVD" can be seen on the wall)  
  
Neo: Right this way.  
  
(All walk up to a phone booth)  
  
Neo: You first Morpheus.  
  
(Morpheus goes to the phone and disappears)  
  
(a hobo in the corner watches)  
  
(cut to Agent Smith on the rooftop where Morpheus was dropped)  
  
(on the floor is an empty Jack in the Box bag, a rope, and very bad drawing of a hand giving the finger signed by Morpheus)  
  
(Agent Smith puts his hand up to his earpiece)  
  
(back to subway)  
  
(Trinity walks to phone booth)  
  
Trinity: (during this line, phone is ringing) Neo, there's something I want to tell you. But I'm afraid of what it will mean if I do.  
  
(Trinity's cell phone rings)  
  
(Trinity answers)  
  
Trinity: What?  
  
Tank: You hear that? It's a ringing phone! When it rings, you answer it! I can't keep a channel open forever! We've got damn sentinels in this world! Ok? They will find us, and they will kill us. And when I die from them, you die from them. So for the love of God, answer the damn phone!  
  
(Trinity motions to hang up the phone)  
  
Tank: Don't you hang up on me!  
  
(Trinity hangs up the phone)  
  
(Trinity picks up the phone booth phone)  
  
(Hobo begins to turn into Agent Smith)  
  
(Trinity opens her eyes in surprise)  
  
(Trinity wakes up on Neb)  
  
Trinity: You have to send me back!  
  
Tank: I can't.  
  
Trinity: Why?  
  
Tank: Because you'll take too long with the damn phone!  
  
Morpheus: What is it?  
  
Trinity: An agent.  
  
Morpheus: Which one?  
  
Trinity: It was either Agent Bob or Agent Smith.  
  
Morpheus: It can't be Agent Bob, he's on vacation in Jamaica.  
  
(cut to an agent sitting on a beach drinking a drink)  
  
(Cut back to subway)  
  
(Neo turns around)  
  
(Agent Smith walks forward)  
  
Agent Smith: Mister. (Agent Smith looks at a piece of paper) .Anderson. It is Anderson, right?  
  
Neo: Yeah, it was.  
  
Agent Smith: I figured out what good is a phone call if I am unable to speak.  
  
Neo: Congratulations.  
  
Agent Smith: Thank you. Look!  
  
(Agent Smith pulls out a cell phone and throws one to Neo)  
  
(Agent Smith sends Neo a text message saying "Hello Mr. Anderson. I am unable 2 speak. C, I am txt messaging U")  
  
Agent Smith: Give back the cell phone now.  
  
Neo: Here.  
  
(Neo throws the cell phone)  
  
Subway Fight  
  
(Neo motions away towards the exit)  
  
(On Neb)  
  
Trinity: Run Neo, run.  
  
(subway)  
  
(Neo turns around)  
  
(neb)  
  
(Morpheus has a shirt on saying "Machines suck!")  
  
Trinity: What's going on?  
  
Morpheus: He is beginning to believe.  
  
(Morpheus pulls out a sign saying "You Da One!")  
  
(Morpheus eats some popcorn)  
  
(subway)  
  
(Neo runs toward Agent Smith)  
  
(Agent Smith does same)  
  
(Agent Smith and Neo jump at each other and being to shoot at each other always missing)  
  
(both fall)  
  
Agent Smith: You're empty.  
  
(Neo sees that Agent Smith has one bullet left)  
  
Neo: Um.so are you.  
  
(Agent Smith gets up and throws aside his gun)  
  
(Gun misfires and hits a wall)  
  
Agent Smith: You said I was empty! No fair!  
  
(Neo throws aside his gun)  
  
(Neo does a kung fu fighting stance)  
  
(Agent Smith cracks his neck)  
  
(A side door opens)  
  
Agent Smith: Meet Agent Job.  
  
(A guy dressed as Gold finger character Oddjob with sunglasses comes out of the door)  
  
Agent Smith: Agent Job, show them what you do.  
  
(Agent Job throws his hat at a statue of somebody in the subway station)  
  
(Agent Job walks away and leaves)  
  
Agent Smith: That's all he does.  
  
(Both return to their fighting stances)  
  
(Joe Mills Lane enters)  
  
Joe Mills Lane: I want a clean fight! No bullet time dodging, no fast dodging, no phone calls!  
  
Agent Smith: So am I to understand that I am unable to speak?  
  
Joe Mills Lane: You talkin' back to me boy?  
  
Agent Smith: No sir.  
  
Joe Mills Lane: Let's get it on!  
  
(Joe Mills Lane walks over to phone booth)  
  
(phone rings)  
  
(Joe Mills Lane disappears)  
  
Neo: I'm no agent, but shouldn't you have destroyed that phone booth so I couldn't just leave?  
  
Agent Smith: Oh crap. My boss is gonna kill me! Agent Patterson has been looking for me to screw up. He'll bust me down to Antarctica Agent with Agent Bronson!  
  
(cut to Antarctica)  
  
(an agent is standing half-frozen in the middle of Antarctica)  
  
(a penguin passes)  
  
Agent Bronson: Hey! You! Penguin! I know you know about the matrix! I'll kill ya!  
  
(back to subway)  
  
Neo: Well, I won't use it then.  
  
Agent Smith: Really? Promise?  
  
Neo: Yeah sure, I promise!  
  
Agent Smith: Thank you, now I'll only beat your ass instead of kill ya!  
  
(Agent Smith and Neo begin to fight see movie for specifics)  
  
(Neo knocks Agent Smith down and his sunglasses break)  
  
(Agent Smith takes off and drops his sunglasses)  
  
Agent Smith: I'm going to enjoy watching you die, Mr. Williams, I mean Anderson.  
  
(fight continues)  
  
(Agent Smith hears a train)  
  
(Agent Smith throws Neo onto the tracks)  
  
Agent Smith: You hear that Mr. Anderson? That is the sound of inevilabilty. That is the sound of your death.  
  
Neo: What sound?  
  
Agent Smith: The subway!  
  
Neo: Oh, yeah, that would do it, wouldn't it?  
  
Agent Smith: Yes, Mr. Anderson, it would.  
  
Neo: My name is Neo!  
  
(Neo throws Agent Smith to the roof and back flips onto platform)  
  
(The train stops)  
  
(Agent Smith gets out)  
  
(Neo runs)  
  
That's my phone!  
  
(Neo runs down a street)  
  
(A guy is talking on his phone)  
  
Guy: Yeah, so I beat his ass and  
  
(Neo takes the guy's phone)  
  
Guy: That's my phone! That guy stole my phone! That's my phone! I don't you!  
  
(Neo dials a number)  
  
Tank: Operator.  
  
Neo: Get me out of here, Mr. Wizard.  
  
Tank: I got a patch on an old exit. Wells and Lake.  
  
(Neo runs into a crowd)  
  
(3 agents appear)  
  
Neo: Shit!  
  
(Neo runs away)  
  
(Neo enters an alley)  
  
(Neo talks into his cell phone)  
  
Neo: A little help!  
  
Tank: Door!  
  
(Neo enters the door)  
  
Heart O' the City Hotel Final  
  
Tank: The door on your left.  
  
(Neo motions towards a door)  
  
Tank: No, your other left!  
  
(Neo enters the other door)  
  
(An old lady is cutting something with a knife!)  
  
(The knife hits the wall near Neo)  
  
(Neo turns and Agent Smith is seen)  
  
Tank: Up the fire escape, room 303.  
  
(Neo throws away the cell phone)  
  
(cut to the neb)  
  
(a warning beacon flashes)  
  
Morpheus: Shit no! Yes. I mean no! No. Sentinels!  
  
Trinity: How long?  
  
Tank: Five, maybe six minutes.  
  
Trinity: Hurry up Neo.  
  
(Tank arms the EMP)  
  
Trinity: You can't use that when he's inside.  
  
Morpheus: Don't worry. He'll make it.  
  
(back in hotel)  
  
(Neo runs across the hallway looking for room 303)  
  
(Neo finds 303 and kicks open the door)  
  
(Agent Smith is inside and shoots Neo)  
  
(Neo steps back a little)  
  
(Agent Smith shoots again)  
  
(and again 3 more times)  
  
(Neo dies)  
  
(Two more agents enter)  
  
Agent Smith: Check him.  
  
(neb)  
  
(Neo's vitals go dead)  
  
Trinity: Neo, you can't be dead, because the oracle, she said I would fall in love with the one. So you see, you can't be dead, you can't. Because I love you.  
  
(Neo's vitals come back)  
  
(Neo wakes up)  
  
Trinity: Now get up!  
  
(hotel)  
  
(Agents turn around)  
  
(all 3 begin to shoot at Neo)  
  
Neo: No.  
  
(Neo holds up his hand)  
  
(The bullets stop)  
  
(Neo grabs one of the bullets)  
  
(Neo drops the bullet)  
  
(The rest continue at Neo)  
  
Neo: Crap!  
  
(Neo puts his hand up again and drops all the bullets)  
  
Agent Smith: No!  
  
(Agent Smith runs at Neo)  
  
(They begin to fight)  
  
(Neo looks as if he is using very little effort)  
  
Neo motions down a hallway towards a bathroom)  
  
(Smith follows)  
  
(Neo enters the bathroom and moves towards a urinal)  
  
(Neo does the motion to wait a moment and unzips his zipper)  
  
(With one hand, Neo fends off Agent Smith while going to the bathroom)  
  
(Neo knocks Agent Smith back)  
  
(Neo runs at Agent Smith and enters him)  
  
(All other agents back off)  
  
(Neo explodes from Agent Smith)  
  
(Neo bends the room)  
  
Neo: Take that spoon kid! I hate him so much.  
  
(Agents run away)  
  
(Neo motions back to room 303)  
  
(neb)  
  
Tank: Oh no.  
  
Morpheus: Here they come.  
  
(Sentinels lock on to Neb)  
  
Neo: I am the one.  
  
Jet Li: Not so fast!  
  
Neo: What?  
  
Jet Li: You are not the one! I am the one! I have a copy of my movie, The One. It stars me, so I am the one!  
  
(Jet Li bends the room)  
  
Neo: You met that damn spoon kid too?  
  
Jet Li: Yeah, I beat his ass!  
  
Neo: Me too. But I'm the one!  
  
Jet Li: I'm the one!  
  
(Neo pulls out a gun and begins to shoot at Jet Li)  
  
(Jet Li stops the bullets with his hand)  
  
Jet Li: See, I am the one!  
  
(Neo hits Jet Li over the head with the gun)  
  
Neo: Not so tough now are you?  
  
(neb)  
  
(a sentinel breaks through the hull)  
  
Tank: They're inside!  
  
(hotel)  
  
(Neo begins to kick Jet Li)  
  
Neo: Who's the one? Who? Say it! Jet Li: You're the one! Stop! Ow! You are!  
  
Neo: Whose movie is this?  
  
Jet Li: Yours!  
  
Neo: What movie was the rip off, The Matrix or The One?  
  
Jet Li: Mine!  
  
Neo: Damn Straight!  
  
(Jet Li gets up)  
  
(Neo enters Jet Li in much the same way has Agent Smith)  
  
(Jet Li explodes)  
  
(neb)  
  
(Sentinel closes in on Trinity)  
  
Trinity: Neo!  
  
(hotel)  
  
(Neo runs to the phone and exits)  
  
(Tank fires the EMP)  
  
(all sentinels die)  
  
(screen goes blank)  
  
Morpheus: So are they dead?  
  
Tank: They're offline.  
  
(Morpheus: Let's poke 'em with sticks)  
  
Tank: Ok.  
  
Phone Booth  
  
Neo: I know you're out there now. I can feel you. You're afraid. Afraid of us. Of what we can do. I didn't come here to tell you how this was going to end, I came here to tell you how it was going to begin. I'm going to hang up this phone and then I'm going to show these people what you don't want them to see. A world without rules or boundaries. A world without you. Where we go from there is a choice I leave to you.  
  
Pizza Hut Guy: Sir, I told you if you have complaint, talk to the manager! Now do you want a pizza or not?  
  
(Neo hangs up phone)  
  
(Neo exits phone booth)  
  
(Neo puts on his sunglasses)  
  
(camera shoots back)  
  
(Neo flies away)  
  
-END-  
  
Credits Fun  
  
(The following is intended to be little scenes during the credits)  
  
Public Service Announcement  
  
Voice: The Following is a public service announcement.from Morpheus!  
  
(Morpheus is sitting on a chair)  
  
Morpheus: Hello. I'm here to talk about a very serious matter. The movie. The movie is everywhere. Even here in this room. You can see it when you turn on your television, if you have the DVD, or when you go to work, if you have a portable DVD player, when you go to church, again you need a portable DVD player for this, when you pay your taxes, if you do it from the comfort of your own home near a TV or, if not, you need a portable DVD player.  
  
(The Terminator enters)  
  
The Terminator: Listen! Morpheus is speaking of a serious matter. But now I will speak of a serious matter! My movies are the true start to the matrix! Not that crap seen in the animatrix! Larry and Andy Wachoski can kiss my ass! Just because they wrote it doesn't mean they can pick the best creation story! Look at the facts! John Conner was the first One. You know it's true.  
  
Morpheus: Ok. Right. We have more to say about the matrix. There is only one way to learn more. This is your final chance. After this, there is no going back, (Morpheus pulls out two pills) you take the blue pill, the story ends you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in the movie, and I show you how deep the movie goes.  
  
The Terminator: You take the red pill so I can tell you more about how the matrix was really created!  
  
Voice: Morpheus, Terminator, it's a commercial, they can't take the pills.  
  
Morpheus: Shit.  
  
The Terminator: We'll be back.  
  
Agent Smith's Parenting  
  
(Agent Smith is sitting at a table with a little kid about two in a high chair Smith is feeding the child)  
  
(Agent Smith has peas on a spoon)  
  
(The child hits the spoon and the peas go flying)  
  
Agent Smith: As you can see, we've had our eye on you for a long time, Mr. Smith. It seems that you've been living two lives. One life you are Agent Smith Jr. You eat your veggies, play with toys, and help Mommy clean up. The other life you go by the alias Kiddio and are guilty of almost every rule we have. We know you've been spoiled by a certain individual. A man who calls himself, Grandpa. We're prepared to wipe the slate clean, Mr. Smith. Give you a fresh start. All we ask is that you help in bringing a known old guy to justice.  
  
(The kid flips off Agent Smith)  
  
Agent Smith: You disappoint me.  
  
(Agent Smith Jr. grabs a play phone)  
  
Agent Smith: What good is a phone call if you are unable to speak?  
  
Preview  
  
(Matt is standing in the white room used for the construct)  
  
Matt: Hi everybody! This is the construct. It's our loading program. From here, we loaded actors, sets, and cameras. Anything we needed. Now I'm gonna show you a little clip from a possible movie you may see. Our sequel, The Matrix Unplugged by the Janitor So He Can Plug In the Floor Polisher. We're still working on the title. But this scene you'll like. Couch!  
  
(couch appears)  
  
Matt: Popcorn!  
  
(popcorn appears)  
  
Matt: Let's watch! First I'm going to show you the real part in Reloaded then the same part our way.  
  
(Reloaded clip is shown)  
  
Matt: Now, our way.  
  
(Neo is in a white room with two doors on opposite sides and lots of TVs with him on it)  
  
Neo: I'm on TV! Hi Mom!  
  
(The Architect is an overweight middle-aged man with a Dungeons and Dragons shirt on with mustard and ketchup stains on it. He has thick glasses and bad haircut)  
  
The Architect: Shut up! I am the Architect! I designed the Matrix. And although the process has altered your mind, you remain human, ergo some my answers you will understand other you won't. And even thought your first question is the most important, you will see that it is also the most irrelevant.  
  
Neo: Why don't you get contacts, get a better haircut, lose some weight, and get a real life where you accomplish something?  
  
The Architect: I've accomplished something! I'm a level 42 Dragon-Master.  
  
Neo: You can put that on your resume under 'crap'.  
  
The Architect: Shut up! I am now going to do a long monologue explaining why you are here. I could just tell you what to do and then you just ask a few questions to figure out the rest, but this way, I get more camera time. When the matrix was first built, it was a happy land. Nobody liked this and failure struck. So I redesigned the matrix to reflect your species'' past. Again, I was struck by failure. Then, the answer was stumbled upon by another. If I am the father of the matrix, then she is definitely its mother.  
  
Neo: I know! It's that clerk at the video store on Wells and Lake, she laughed at me the other day and said I would never get it.  
  
The Architect: Let's go to the tape!  
  
(The Architect presses a button and all the screens went to the other day at the video store)  
  
Clerk: You'll never get it.  
  
(Neo turns around)  
  
Neo: Excuse me?  
  
Clerk: Not you, the guy over there who always tries to steal a DVD of The Matrix Reinstalled with Funny Capabilities  
  
Neo: (turns toward camera) Yes, that IS a good movie. The best in fact.!  
  
(neo does a thumbs up and smiles)  
  
(back to Architect room)  
  
The Architect: She wasn't even talking to you!  
  
Neo: Oh. um...how 'bout the Oracle then.  
  
The Architect: Sure why not. Of the people in the matrix, 1% did not accept the coding. This created an anomaly in a mathematical equation. Even the simplest of them. So the One was found. A person who could take 1% out and stop a problem. The matrix is older than you think. I prefer to count from one anomaly to the next. In that case, this is the 6th version of the matrix. The Matrix 6.0. Here, take a free trial disk.  
  
(The Architect hand Neo a CD with the words "The Matrix Version 6.0 1500 free trial hours!" on it)  
  
Neo: Thanks.  
  
The Architect: The problem with the 1% was that they would unplug people who didn't need to be unplugged and would eventually overpower us. So we blew their asses up. This will be the 6th version of the matrix and the 6th time we've destroyed Zion. We've grown very proficient at doing it. You are probably wondering what you're supposed to do. The function of the One is to travel to the Machine source and allow a temporary retrieval of your code after which you must pick 17 people. 7 male, 10 female and unplug them from the Matrix to rebuild Zion. Failure to comply will result in a cataclysmic system crash killing all attached to the matrix. Coupled with the destruction of Zion, that would mean the extinction of your species.  
  
Neo: You can't do that. You need humans to survive.  
  
The Architect: There are levels of survival we are prepared to accept.  
  
Neo: You're writing a check that your um...what's the equivalent of an ass on you machines?  
  
The Architect: Fusion Output Power Overload System  
  
Neo: Ok. You're writing a check that your Fusion Output Power Overload System can't cash.  
  
The Architect: That's not important. To influence your choice, you designed to have a strong connection with the rest of your species. While the others expressed this fully, you expressed this locally visa vi, love.  
  
Neo: Trinity.  
  
The Architect: You are blind. Blind to the truth that no matter what, she is going to die. You have two doors. The door on your right leads to the source and the salvation of Zion. The door on your left leads back to the matrix and her.  
  
Neo: What about that other door?  
  
The Architect: That leads upstairs. To my Mom's house.  
  
Neo: You still live with your Mom?  
  
(Neo starts laughing uncontrollably)  
  
The Architect: No! Um...I'm short on cash. No! Um...I'm visiting. No! Um...she lives with me.  
  
Architect's Mom: Francis, what are you doing down there? Are you getting hoped up??  
  
The Architect: No mom, I'm just giving the One an ultimatum.  
  
A's Mom: Don't do that! You'll go blind.  
  
(The door opens and Architect's Mom enters)  
  
A's Mom: Francis! Dinner's ready. Who's your friend?  
  
The Architect: Mom, this is Neo, he's the current One.  
  
A's Mom: Honestly, stop playing with your matrix and come eat.  
  
(A's Mom turns to Neo)  
  
A's Mom: Hi, I'm Francis's mother.  
  
The Architect: Mom, I'd wish you called me "The Architect"  
  
A's Mom: Fine, just come up for supper when you're done.  
  
(A's Mom leaves)  
  
Neo: Yeah Francis. I'm going back to the matrix now.  
  
The Architect: Hey wait! No it's the door on the right.  
  
Neo: Ok.  
  
(neo motions towards the right door)  
  
Neo; Wait a minute!  
  
The Architect: Fine, the other door was correct.  
  
neo: Before I go, where's your bathroom.  
  
The Architect: I believe it is the door on the right. You know, the one that leads to the source.  
  
Neo: How can it be the bathroom if it leads to the source?  
  
The Architect: It can do other things! Why shouldn't it?  
  
Neo: I'm going.  
  
(neo walks to the left door)  
  
The Architect: Wait! You want to play Dungeons and Dragons? Or maybe Risk? Where ya going?  
  
Neo: You better hope we don't meet again. Wait. One more thing. Why did you use such strange words and complex phrases?  
  
The Architect: So people wouldn't understand and have to come see the movie again.  
  
Neo: Good idea. Ever consider a career in marketing?  
  
The Architect: No.  
  
(Neo leaves)  
  
(back to Matt)  
  
(Matt is asleep on the couch)  
  
(He is poked by a stick)  
  
Matt: Huh? Oh! Wasn't that great? Go see it!  
  
(The terminator busts through a wall)  
  
The Terminator: Matt Walljasper. It is time. Time to discuss my part in the next movie.  
  
Matt: Yeah, Terminator. We kinda cut you from the sequel.  
  
(Jorge enters)  
  
Jorge: Yeah, he's telling the truth. You were cut.  
  
The Terminator: Does not computer!  
  
Jorge: You were good for a little spoof, but we just can't write you a plot character.  
  
The Terminator: What about in your 4th movie, The Matrix Meets Terminator and Laughs at the Rise of the Machines in the Matrix?  
  
Jorge: look around, do you really think this will get to four movies?  
  
The Terminator: No, sir..  
  
Matt: Tell you what, I'll pull some strings and see if you can become a bodyguard.  
  
The Terminator: Would I have to protect John Conner?  
  
Matt: Hell no, screw him! Protect me.  
  
Jorge: Hey! What about me?  
  
Matt: Every other Sunday protect him.  
  
Jorge: that's not fair!  
  
matt: Who wrote this part of the script?  
  
Jorge: You did.  
  
Matt: So who controls the dialect?  
  
Jorge: You.  
  
Matt: Damn straight! (Turns to the Terminator) I've changed my mind, don't protect him ever.  
  
The Terminator: Matt must live.  
  
(The Terminator chases Jorge away)  
  
Jorge: Ah!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Credits  
  
Written and Directed by Matt Walljasper and Jorge Calduron  
  
-Cast-  
  
(In order of appearance)  
  
(Write names next to part)  
  
Cipher  
  
Trinity  
  
Cop 1  
  
Cop 2  
  
Agent Smith  
  
Captain  
  
Agent Thompson  
  
Morpheus  
  
Unseen Voices  
  
Neo  
  
Hacker  
  
Friend 1  
  
Boss  
  
FedEx Guy  
  
The Terminator  
  
Switch  
  
Tank  
  
Dozer  
  
Waiter  
  
Apoch  
  
Mouse  
  
John Conner  
  
John Conner 2  
  
Oracle's Aid  
  
Kid  
  
Oracle  
  
SWAT Team  
  
Agent Johnson  
  
SWAT Leader  
  
Dr. Agent Jones  
  
Guard 1  
  
Guard 2  
  
Mguard 1  
  
Mguard 2  
  
Mguard 3  
  
Mguard Team 1  
  
Mguard Team 2  
  
Helicopter Pilot  
  
Clay Henry  
  
Subway Clerk  
  
Hobo  
  
Agent Bob  
  
Agent Job  
  
Joe Mills Lane  
  
Agent Bronson  
  
Phone Guy  
  
Jet Li  
  
Pizza Hut Employee  
  
-Special Segments Cast-  
  
-Public Service Announcement-  
  
Morpheus  
  
The Terminator  
  
Producer  
  
-A Man Named Grandpa-  
  
Agent Smith:  
  
Agent Smith Jr.  
  
-Preview-  
  
Matt  
  
Neo  
  
The Architect  
  
Store Clerk  
  
The Architect's Mother  
  
The Terminator  
  
Jorge 


	2. Unplugged by the Janitor

@  
UNPLUGGED BY THE JANITOR Opening Scene  
  
(The title is displayed just like in Reloaded)  
  
(It goes through the clock to the guard)  
  
(A guard exits)  
  
Guard: See you tomorrow.  
  
Guard 2: Hey, did you check your horoscope?  
  
Guard: No, what does it say?  
  
Guard 2: It says, a woman from a quazi-futuristic hovercraft, which exists in a non-computer generated world, will crash a motorcycle into your workplace and then kick you and your co-workers assess.  
  
Guard: Those things are so vague that they could happen to anybody.  
  
Guard 2: No, they can't.  
  
(Trinity on a motorcycle jumps from a nearby building)  
  
(She jumps off the motorcycle and it crashes into the guard station)  
  
Guard: See, I told you!  
  
(The guards rush Trinity and she fights them)  
  
(Once all guards are down she grabs her cell phone)  
  
Trinity: I'm in.  
  
Voice: Can you hear me now?  
  
Trinity: Yes.  
  
Voice: Good.  
  
(Code dissolves screen)  
  
(Reappears as side of a building)  
  
(Trinity jumps out of the window)  
  
(Agent Thompson follows)  
  
(Trinity shoots at the agent)  
  
(Agent Thompson shoots back)  
  
Agent Thompson: Wait, I just wanna be friends!  
  
(Agent Thompson shoots Trinity)  
  
(Trinity falls into car)  
  
Trust  
  
(Neo wakes up on the Nebuchadnezzar)  
  
(Neo walks to a table and sits there)  
  
(The ship flies through the sewers)  
  
(Morpheus is piloting the ship)  
  
(Link is beside him)  
  
Morpheus: Almost there.  
  
Link: Are you sure about this, sir?  
  
(Morpheus looks over at Link and then jumps in fear)  
  
Morpheus: Who the hell are you?  
  
Link: Sir, I'm Link, your operator.  
  
Morpheus: What happened to that other guy? Tank.  
  
Link: Sir, Tank is, um. dead. I'm his brother-in-law. I've been here for a while now.  
  
(Camera shows that Tank is tied to the top of the Neb)  
  
(Tank pounds on the roof)  
  
Morpheus: I thought they got rid of those giant sewer rats you found up there.  
  
Link: I'll go beat him, I mean, them when we go home. Also, sir, are you sure about this?  
  
Morpheus: Yes.  
  
Link: I know sir, it just that I'm scoping some serious sentinel activity up here.  
  
Morpheus: I don't care if there are a quarter million sentinels currently digging towards Zion right now, you don't talk like that to me, um kay?  
  
Link: Sorry.  
  
(The ship lands)  
  
(Link powers it down)  
  
Morpheus: Link.  
  
Link: Yes sir?  
  
Morpheus: Given your situation, I can't say I fully understand your reasons for volunteering to operate aboard my ship, however if you wish to continue to do so, I must ask you to do one thing.  
  
Link: What's that sir? To trust you?  
  
Morpheus: No, you stupid ass! To not take that sass back tone with me, your captain.  
  
(Morpheus smacks Link upside the head)  
  
Link: Ow! Yes sir, I will sir. I mean I won't sir.  
  
Morpheus: (under breath) Dumbass.  
  
Link: Yes sir.  
  
Morpheus: Good. Now, repatch the main AC to the hard drives and prepare to broadcast.  
  
Link: Yes sir.  
  
Script  
  
(Neo is sitting at the table)  
  
(Trinity enters)  
  
Trinity: Still can't sleep?  
  
Neo: They're just dreams.  
  
Trinity: You want to talk?  
  
Neo: It just that, I just wish I knew what I'm supposed to do.  
  
Trinity: You don't know?  
  
Neo: No.  
  
Trinity: Didn't you read the script?  
  
Neo: Huh?  
  
Trinity: How can we make the movie if you don't know what you're supposed to do?  
  
Neo: I didn't mean.  
  
Trinity: Let's try to get a little professionalism here.  
  
Neo: That's my line and.  
  
Trinity: Whatever, let's just get back to the movie. It's your line.  
  
Neo: For the love of. I just wish I knew what I was supposed to do.  
  
Trinity: Don't worry, she'll call.  
  
(Link enters)  
  
Link: There you are.  
  
Trinity: Are we ready to go?  
  
Link: We're already late.  
  
Neo: Who are you?  
  
Link: I'm Link, I'm your operator. I've been here since I killed, I mean, since Tank died.  
  
Trinity: Tank died?  
  
Link: Um...yeah.  
  
(Tank pounds on roof)  
  
Trinity: Didn't you kill those giant rats?  
  
Link: They're hard to kill.  
  
The Meeting  
  
Niobe: These geo-therm's confirm the last transmission of the Osiris. The machines are digging. They're boring from the surface, straight down to Zion.  
  
Captain 1: Mother.  
  
Captain 2: They'll avoid the entire perimeter defenses.  
  
Ghost: No, we have guns built right into the solid ground. Thank you, Captain Obvious, of the hovercraft Obviousness.  
  
Captain 3: How fast are they moving?  
  
Niobe: Command estimates their decent at 100 meters per hour.  
  
Captain 1: How far are they?  
  
Niobe: About 2000 meters.  
  
Captain 2: Damn metric system. Hold on, King Hennery dances merrily drinking chocolate milk. They're about 2 kilometers down!  
  
Ghost: I just did the obvious crack and you have to come back with something just as obvious!  
  
Captain 2: Sorry.  
  
Captain 1: What about the scans from the Osiris, they can't be accurate.  
  
Niobe: They may be.  
  
Captain 2: But that would mean that there are a quarter million sentinels up there.  
  
Ghost: That's it! I'm waiting in the car!  
  
(Ghost leaves)  
  
Captain 3: That can't be.  
  
Morpheus: Why not?  
  
Trinity: Because I said so.  
  
Morpheus: Fine, we won't go to the dog track after the meeting.  
  
Neo: Morpheus, everyone thinks you said why not to the conversation in the meeting.  
  
Trinity: Yeah, you'd better come up with a snappy line so you don't look like an idiot.  
  
Neo: (under breath) If that were possible.  
  
(Morpheus looks at Neo)  
  
Morpheus: Um.A sentinel for every man, woman, and child in Zion. That sounds exactly like the thinking of a machine to me.  
  
(The Terminator busts through a wall)  
  
Terminator: Did somebody say machine! I said I'll be back, and now I'm back! Thank God the budget is too low to do another take of this scene so it looks like I'm in the second movie!  
  
Trinity: He said movie and Morpheus heard.  
  
Neo: Shit.  
  
Morpheus: Yes. What movie?  
  
Neo: I'm the one.  
  
Morpheus: Yes you are.  
  
Trinity: Good, thank God Morpheus has a short attention span.  
  
Terminator: I have to go run California now! Asta la vista everybody!  
  
(The Terminator busts through another wall)  
  
Niobe: Morpheus, so nice of you to join us.  
  
Morpheus: Hi. My apologies to all but as you are undoubting aware of, it has become increasingly difficult to secure a broadcast position.  
  
(Neo does the "bullshit" sneeze)  
  
Morpheus: Bless you.  
  
Captain 1: Squiddies got all the best spots.  
  
Captain 3: Main lines are crawling with 'em.  
  
Captain 2: And if Niobe's right, in 72 hours there's going to be a quarter million more of them.  
  
(Ghost re-enters)  
  
Ghost: I heard that from the car! Shut up! Just shut up!  
  
Captain 2: Sorry.  
  
Ballard: So what are we gonna do?  
  
Niobe: Exactly what Commander Lock ordered us to do. We'll evacuate broadcast level and return to Zion.  
  
Morpheus: And does the commander have a plan for stopping 250,000 sentinels?  
  
Niobe: A strategy is still being formulated.  
  
Morpheus: I'm sure it is.  
  
Niobe: Fine, what do you think we should do?  
  
Morpheus: I think we should send a team of oil drillers up to the asteroid and drill to its center on a fault line and drop a nuclear warhead in the hole and then the rock will split in two and the to halves will pass on either side of the planet.  
  
Neo: What?  
  
(Morpheus drops a portable DVD player with Armageddon in it)  
  
Morpheus: What is this doing here? Neo! Why'd you bring that?  
  
(Outside a black Audi pulls up)  
  
(A man gets out of it)  
  
(His back is to the camera)  
  
(He walks off camera)  
  
(His arm reappears and he clicks his keyless entry)  
  
(The horn beeps twice)  
  
(Back inside)  
  
(The camera is on Neo while Morpheus talks)  
  
(Neo looks around sensing something)  
  
Morpheus: I believe we should proceed as ordered. However I ask one of you for help.  
  
Trinity: What is it?  
  
Neo: I don't know.  
  
(Neo heads towards the door)  
  
(Camera goes to Morpheus)  
  
Morpheus: Some of you believe as I believe, and some of you are pussies and do not. Those of you that do know that we are nearing the end of our struggle. The prophecy will be fulfilled soon. But before it can, the Oracle must be consulted.  
  
(Outside Agent Smith walks in front of the headlights of his car so it can't be told that it is him)  
  
(Agent Smith scratches his ass)  
  
(Back inside)  
  
Morpheus: If we leave now, we can be back within 36 hours. Well before the machines have reached this depth.  
  
Niobe: Do you understand what you're asking?  
  
Morpheus: I'm asking that one ship remain here in case the Oracle should decide to contact us.  
  
Ballard: Bullshit, you're asking one of us to disobey a direct order.  
  
Morpheus: Maybe.  
  
Captain 2: And what happens when you get back to Zion and the commander throws you in the stockade?  
  
Morpheus: I'll beat his ass!  
  
Trinity: Eh-hem.  
  
Morpheus: I mean, he won't.  
  
Trinity: We're trying to cut down on his anger.  
  
Ballard: Goddamn it Morpheus, you aint never gonna change. Shit I'll do it just to see what Deadbolt does to you.  
  
Captain 2: Wait his name is Deadbolt Lock. Ha!  
  
(Captain 2 and Morpheus start laughing)  
  
Ghost: I come in for one moment and this is what I find!  
  
Niobe: His first name is Jason! That's his nickname stupid!  
  
Captain 2: You would know, you're the one he's bone-in'  
  
Everybody: Ooooo!  
  
Ghost: That's it!  
  
(Ghost knocks out Captain 2)  
  
Niobe: Thank you Ghost, I didn't know you cared.  
  
Ghost: I don't he's just so damn annoying  
  
Captains 1, 3, and Morpheus: Yes.  
  
Morpheus: If I leave now, I can be back within 36 hours.  
  
A Gift  
  
(Agent Smith walks to the door and knocks)  
  
(Meeting Guard 1 opens a small door thing)  
  
Meeting Guard 1: What do you want?  
  
Agent Smith: I'm looking for Neo.  
  
Meeting Guard 1: Never heard of him.  
  
Agent Smith: Ok, sorry. Is there another secret matrix meeting going on anywhere else?  
  
Meeting Guard 1: Maybe.  
  
Agent Smith: Damn it! Do you know where it is? Never mind, if you see him, give him this. You see I have something for him. A gift.  
  
(Agent Smith gives Meeting Guard 1 a package)  
  
Meeting Guard 1: Fine, whatever. Now piss off.  
  
Agent Smith: That was rude and unnecessary.  
  
(Neo enters)  
  
Neo: Who was that?  
  
Meeting Guard 2: How did you know somebody was here?  
  
Meeting Guard 1: He gave you this.  
  
(Meeting Guard 1 gives Neo the package)  
  
(Neo opens the package)  
  
Neo: The meeting is over. Retreat to your exits. Asians are coming.  
  
Meeting Guard 1: Don't you mean agents?  
  
Neo: No.  
  
(Pounding on the door)  
  
Neo: Go!  
  
(Both meeting guards leave)  
  
(Asian Guy 1 breaks down the door with his fists)  
  
Neo: Hiya fellas.  
  
Asian Guy 1: It's him.  
  
Asian Guy 2: The anomaly.  
  
Asian Guy 3: Do we proceed?  
  
(All 3 Asian Guys change into Agents Thompson, Jackson, and Johnson  
  
Agent Thompson: Yes.  
  
Agent Johnson: He is still.  
  
Agent Jackson: um.  
  
Agent Thompson: For the love of God, .only human  
  
Agent Jackson: That was my line!  
  
(Agents begin to fight Neo)  
  
(Neo fends back all three with one arm)  
  
(Agent Jackson grabs Neo's arm)  
  
Neo: Upgrades.  
  
(Neo begins to fight with both arms)  
  
(Neo knocks out all Agents one by one)  
  
(Neo looks down an alley)  
  
(Neo does flying motion)  
  
(Neo begins to "fly" like the classic cartoon Freakazoid)  
  
(Two Agent Smiths appear out of an alley)  
  
Agent Smith: That went as expected. Exactly like before.  
  
Agent Smith 2: Well, not exactly.  
  
Agent Smith: Do I know you?  
  
Agent Smith 2: Maybe. You do look familiar.  
  
Agent Smith: (Both) What good is a phone call if you are unable to speak?  
  
Superman  
  
(Morpheus and Trinity are in a car)  
  
(Morpheus calls Link)  
  
(On Neb)  
  
Link: Operator.  
  
(Matrix)  
  
Morpheus: Link, what happened back there?  
  
(Neb)  
  
Link: How the hell should I know? I can't watch every damn thing in the damn matrix!  
  
(Matrix)  
  
Morpheus: Guess.  
  
(Neb)  
  
Link: I don't know sir, first the code got all weird. Some kind of encryption I've never seen before. Then agents came out of nowhere.  
  
(Matrix)  
  
Trinity: Is Neo okay?  
  
(Neb)  
  
Link: Shit Morpheus, you should have seen him.  
  
(Matrix)  
  
Morpheus: Where is he now?  
  
(Neb)  
  
Link: He's doing the superman thing.  
  
(Neo is flying)  
  
(Superman passes)  
  
Neo: Hey Superman.  
  
Superman: Hello, Neo.  
  
Neo: Still saving people?  
  
Superman: Yeah. How 'bout you? Still freeing minds?  
  
Neo: Yep. So, where you flying to?  
  
Superman: I'm going over to docks. Word is that there is this guy saying he's a machine and trying to be in this movie.  
  
Neo: Yeah, he's annoying. The trick is to just ignore him.  
  
Superman: Really? Does it work?  
  
Neo: It's never come up. But that works with Morpheus.  
  
Superman: I'll keep that in mind. See ya!  
  
Neo: Bye.  
  
(Superman dives)  
  
(Neo flies down and land on the roof of a building)  
  
The Super Super  
  
(Neo comes to a door)  
  
(Neo enters)  
  
Neo: Where are you?  
  
(Superman walks up)  
  
Superman: Neo, hey again.  
  
Neo; Hey, what are you doing here?  
  
Superman: I'm the super.  
  
Neo: So you're the Super Super?  
  
Superman: I guess you could say that.  
  
Neo; who else runs this building?  
  
Superman: Well, Spiderman is our exterminator, Batman handles security, and The Hulk enforces rent.  
  
Neo: This was the worst part wasn't it?  
  
Superman: I hope not, or there won't be a part 3.  
  
Neo: See ya.  
  
Superman: Bye. (Under breath) Jackass.  
  
Zion  
  
(Link is at the controls of the Neb)  
  
Link: Zion control, this is the Nebuchadnezzar, requesting access through Gate 3.  
  
(In Zion control)  
  
(Zion control is a mini-construct)  
  
Controller: This is Zion control to the Nebuchadnezzar, who the hell is this?  
  
(Neb)  
  
Link: I'm Link; I replaced Tank when he went MIA.  
  
(Zion control)  
  
Controller: Ok. Maintain present velocity and await confirmation. Did you ever take care of those giant sewer rats?  
  
(Neb)  
  
Link: Yeah but they're back now.  
  
(A clunk is heard)  
  
Link: Hold on.  
  
(Link grabs a broom and bangs the top of the ship with it)  
  
(Zion control)  
  
Controller: This is Zion control, requesting a stand down of arms at gate 3. We have the Neb on approach. Let's open her up.  
  
Gun Operator: Perv!  
  
Controller: Not like that!  
  
Gun operator: Ok. Arms are down.  
  
Controller: Nebuchadnezzar, you are cleared through gate 3 to bay 7.  
  
(The Neb heads toward the gate)  
  
Controller: Door's open bed's made. Welcome home.  
  
Link: No place like it. Except for Vegas. Wait, I can't enter the matrix! I've never seen Vegas! And I won't be able to! No! Ok.  
  
(The Neb enters and goes to bay 7)  
  
(The Neb lands)  
  
Morpheus: Ow! My ass!  
  
Controller: The Nebuchadnezzar is down.  
  
Control Operator: Understood. Locking down gate 3.  
  
(Gate 3 closes half way)  
  
(Gear stripping noise is heard)  
  
Control operator: Damn it!  
  
Worker: Sir, incoming message!  
  
Control Operator: Play it.  
  
(The Worker presses a button.  
  
Morpheus: (over speaker) Yes.  
  
Control Operator: Get me the repair team!  
  
Worker: Yes sir!  
  
Repair guy: (over speaker) What is it?  
  
Control Operator: Gate 3 is stuck.  
  
Repair Guy: Just put a big tarp over it, the machines won't even notice. I'll be there in the morning.  
  
Control Operator: Do you mean Zion morning or real morning?  
  
Repair Guy: Real morning.  
  
Control Operator: But we don't know when that is because of the blocked out sky!  
  
Repair Guy: Exactly!  
  
Leaving the Neb  
  
(The hatch on the Neb opens)  
  
(Neo, Trinity, Link, and Morpheus come out)  
  
(Captain Mifune, and several MP's are there)  
  
Morpheus: Captain Mifune.  
  
Captain Mifune: Captain Morpheus.  
  
Morpheus: Are you here to escort me to the stockade, Captain?  
  
(Morpheus grabs the electricity gun)  
  
Captain Mifune: I'm just here to keep the peace.  
  
Morpheus: Yeah, me too.  
  
(Morpheus drops the gun)  
  
MP: Commander Lock demands.  
  
Captain Mifune: Eh-hem.  
  
MP: Requests your immediate counsel sir.  
  
Morpheus: Link.  
  
Link: Yes sir?  
  
Morpheus: I want the ship ready to go as soon as humanly possible.  
  
Link: Understood sir.  
  
Tank: Morpheus! Help I'm tied to the roof! Help Link tied me up here!  
  
Morpheus: Damn! Those rats have somehow learned to talk, and have found out that Tank died in an attempt to frame Link because he's been trying to kill the rats!  
  
Link: Those bastards!  
  
Tank: No!  
  
Captain Mifune: Morpheus?  
  
Morpheus: Oh right. Bye!  
  
(Morpheus, Captain Mifune, and the MP walk away)  
  
Neo: What is it between them?  
  
Trinity: Morpheus and Lock?  
  
Neo: Yeah.  
  
Trinity: Niobe.  
  
Neo: Captain Niobe?  
  
Trinity: She used to be with Morpheus. Now she's with Lock.  
  
Neo: What a bitch. What happened?  
  
Trinity: Morpheus went to the Oracle, after that everything changed.  
  
Neo: Yeah. She can do that.  
  
Kid: Neo!  
  
Neo: Damn it. How does he always know?  
  
Trinity: You know what they say about the life you save.  
  
Neo: I didn't save his life.  
  
Kid: Hiya Neo. Trinity, Link.  
  
Link: Hey.  
  
Kid: It's great to have you back.  
  
Neo: Thanks. It's good to be back.  
  
Kid: Can I carry that?  
  
Neo: I can get this.  
  
Kid Trinity?  
  
Trinity: I'm fine.  
  
Link: You can carry these.  
  
Kid: Yeah, sure Link. (Under breath) Jackass.  
  
(All start walking away)  
  
Kid: Hey, you know, next year I'm old enough to join a crew, right? I've been thinking a lot about it, and I've made my decision.  
  
Link: Let me guess.  
  
Kid: I want to join the Firebird with Captain Phoenix.  
  
Neo: Really? You don't want to join us? I thought you would the way you've been all around us.  
  
Kid: Actually, I think you're a jackass. I was just being polite for you saving my life. You're the reason I'm here, Neo.  
  
Neo: I told you, you found me. I didn't find you.  
  
Kid: You got me out! You saved me. How can I call you a jackass since you saved me?  
  
Neo: You saved yourself.  
  
Kid: You see? That's why you're a jackass! You jackass! Whoops. Sorry Neo, my savior.  
  
I didn't do it!  
  
(The MP shows Morpheus into Commander Lock's office)  
  
Commander Lock: Morpheus.  
  
Morpheus: Commander Lock.  
  
Commander Lock: I spoke to the other captains and I wanted to offer you a chance to explain your actions.  
  
Morpheus: Ok, so we were at the meeting when I busted Neo for watching a movie during it, I believe it was Armageddon, but I don't watch movies. So then this guy was all like, "hey, if you don't get a ship to stay behind, I'll fuckin kill ya!" So I was like, "why don't you get out of my face? That would be against Commander Lock's, my role model and mentor, orders. Then he was all, "Do it!" Then he shot into the air so I had to.  
  
Commander Lock: Ok, I was going to ask you about who had the cheese and spilled it all in the Captain's lounge but continue explaining your actions.  
  
Morpheus: I wasn't aware that my actions required any explanation.  
  
Commander Lock: Yes, you were. That's why started to explain them.  
  
Morpheus: Shit.  
  
Commander Lock: You were given orders to return to Zion.  
  
Morpheus: I did. Ballard stayed! I told him not to! But he was like, "Shut up, Morpheus!"  
  
Commander Lock: You asked for one ship to remain behind. That's why Ballard stayed.  
  
Morpheus: Hey, Don't get me wrong, I would have stayed but I needed to recharge my ship. Oh, that doesn't help at all.  
  
Commander Lock: So you admit to a direct contravention of your duty.  
  
Morpheus: You admit to a direct convention of your duty!  
  
Commander Lock: I said contravention, not convention.  
  
Morpheus: I'll be honest. I have no clue what you just said. But I do know that we need a presence inside the matrix to await contact from the Oracle.  
  
Commander Lock: I don't want to hear that shit! I don't care about oracles or prophecies or messiahs.  
  
Morpheus: I find that offensive!  
  
Commander Lock: Tough! I care about one thing. Stopping that army from destroying this city! And to do that, I need soldiers to obey my orders and at least one really big gun.  
  
Morpheus: Yeah, that would come in handy. However, with all due respect, commander, there is only one way to save our city.  
  
Commander Lock: How?  
  
Morpheus: Two really big guns! And Neo, maybe.  
  
Commander Lock: Goddamn it, Morpheus not everyone believes what you believe.  
  
Morpheus: My beliefs do not require them to. You, sir, are a racist! Persecuting me for my beliefs? What are you? A Nazi? Huh? Are you?  
  
Commander Lock: No!  
  
Blackmail  
  
Kid: There's a gathering tonight. Everybody's talking. A lot of people are scared. Nobody can remember the last time so many ships were docked. Something's happening, isn't it?  
  
Link: Hey, don't bother asking cause we can't say anything.  
  
Kid: Ok. I got a picture of some guy tied up to the top of your ship.  
  
Link: Why don't we go talk right now? Mano y Mnao.  
  
Neo: Link.  
  
Link: This damn kid is blackmailing me!  
  
Neo: Don't be silly, there's no one tied up to our ship. Just rats. Thousands upon thousands of rats.  
  
Link: Yeah.that's right. Rats.  
  
(All come up to a ledge overlooking the city)  
  
(Link walks over to the ledge)  
  
Link: Goddamn, it's good to be home!  
  
Voice: Shut up, up there!  
  
The Councilor  
  
Commander Lock: I'm recommending to the council that you be removed from duty.  
  
Morpheus: That is, of, your prerogative, Commander. That's a funny word, prerogative. Heh heh.  
  
Commander Lock: If it were up to me, Captain, you wouldn't set foot on a ship for the rest of your life.  
  
Morpheus: Then I am grateful that it is not up to you because you're so pussy whipped and Niobe wants me more than you. Life's a bitch, huh?  
  
(Councilor Hamann enters)  
  
Commander Lock: Councilor Hamann.  
  
Hamann: Commander.  
  
Morpheus: Hiya.  
  
Hamann: Captain.  
  
Morpheus: Councilor.  
  
Hamann: The Council's asked me to speak tonight at the temple gathering. I told them to cram it up their assess but they said I had to so I'm going to make you do it Morpheus.  
  
Morpheus: Ok.  
  
Hamann: The presence of the fleet and the persistence of rumors must be addressed. The people must be told what is happening.  
  
Commander Lock: Of course, councilor. But might I advise a level of discretion concerning specific details we do not wish to start a panic.  
  
Hamann: Quite right. A panic is not what anyone wants. Except me, because when I calm it, it'll make me look good and get elected again. What about you captain? What would you advise?  
  
Morpheus: The truth.  
  
Commander Lock: Yeah, you know about telling the truth don't you Morpheus?  
  
Morpheus: Shut up! No one will panic, because there is nothing to fear. That army will never reach the gates of Zion.  
  
Hamann: What makes you so sure?  
  
Morpheus: Consider what we have seen, consider that in the past six months, we have freed more minds than in six years, consider that there was a second agent behind the Grassy Knoll. This attack is an act of desperation. I believe that very soon the prophecy will be fulfilled and this war will end.  
  
Hamann: I hope you're right captain, or we're fucked.  
  
Morpheus: I do not believe it to be a matter of fucked councilor; it is simply a matter of time.  
  
Hamann: that didn't make any sense.  
  
Morpheus: The point was to not say fucked. There might be children in the audience.  
  
Hamann: You know about the audience?  
  
Morpheus: What audience? Where?  
  
Hamann: but you just said.never mind.  
  
Let me win!  
  
(An elevator stops)  
  
Link: This is my stop. See you soon, hopefully not too soon. Come on Kid. These two got things to do.  
  
(The elevator closes)  
  
(Trinity and Neo stand there)  
  
Neo: You know.  
  
Trinity: No.  
  
Neo: I could press emergency stop and.  
  
Trinity: No.  
  
Neo Why not?  
  
Trinity: No, just, no.  
  
Neo: But in the movie.  
  
Trinity: No.  
  
Neo: (under breath) Bitch.  
  
Trinity: What?  
  
Neo: Nothing.  
  
(The elevator stops)  
  
(The door opens)  
  
(Along a crosswalk many people are lined up to see Neo)  
  
Neo: Hi!  
  
(Everybody gets up)  
  
Woman: Neo, please, I have a son, Jacob, aboard the Gnosis. Please, watch over him.  
  
Neo: I'll try.  
  
Woman 2: I have a daughter on the Icarus.  
  
(Trinity walks away)  
  
Neo: No, wait.  
  
Trinity: It's all right. They need you.  
  
Neo: I need you.  
  
Trinity: I know. There's time.  
  
Man: I want to win the lottery!  
  
Man 2: I was gonna ask Neo for that!  
  
Man: Tough shit, I asked first.  
  
Where's my puss.  
  
(Link opens a door)  
  
Link: Where's my puss.  
  
(Link sees Zee, Cas, and Cass's kids in the room)  
  
Link: Hey!  
  
Kids: Uncle Link!  
  
Link: Oh my God! You're so huge! You should be picking me up!  
  
Kids: No!  
  
Link: Yeah1  
  
Kids: Ok.  
  
Link: Ok? All right. Now, we're gonna have to work together here, ok? 1, 2, 3, lift!  
  
(Link grabs onto a pipe creating the allusion that the kids lift him up)  
  
Link: Oh my God! What are you feeding these two? Steroids!  
  
Cas: Oh, Link.  
  
Link: No, I'm serious.  
  
Cas: I'm not feeding them Steroids!  
  
Link: Whatever, but if I see them acting weird.  
  
Cas: Ok you two! Out the door! March!  
  
Link: Remember what I said.  
  
Cas: Good to have you home, Link.  
  
Link: Good to be home.  
  
Cas: You be careful with her.  
  
Zee: Don't worry about me, he's the one that's gonna get it.  
  
Cas: Bye!  
  
Link: Bye!  
  
(Cas leaves)  
  
Link: I'm gonna get what?  
  
Zee: Every ship up there's been home two, even three times more that the Nebuchadnezzar.  
  
Link: Come on Zee, I thought we were past this.  
  
Zee: We'll get pass this when you start operating aboard another ship.  
  
Link: I can't do that.  
  
Zee: Why?  
  
Link: You know why.  
  
Zee: If Dozer knew how I felt, he wouldn't have asked you to do this.  
  
Link: Maybe, but it's too late now. I made a promise, and some promises can't be broken. That gay guy killed dozer, and the giant rats killed Tank, so now, I have to seek vengeance by killing the rats! Then I have to take his place.  
  
Zee: It's not fair.  
  
Link: Nobody said it was gonna be. You think Cas thinks it's fair that I'm here and Dozer's not?  
  
Zee: I lost two brothers to that ship, Link. I'm afraid of it. I'm afraid it's gonna take you too.  
  
Link: It won't.  
  
Zee: How can you say that to me?  
  
Link: Because of Morpheus. Because of what he's told me. He said that this is it that it will be over soon.  
  
Zee: Link, Morpheus is crazy.  
  
(Morpheus walks by)  
  
Morpheus: Hey! I heard that! Oh and Link, I need you to go into the nuclear reactor without any protection and change the carbon rods. One of them looked at me funny.  
  
(Morpheus looks at his hands)  
  
Morpheus: You know, they're called fingers but I've never seen them fing. Oh there they go.  
  
(Morpheus walks away)  
  
Link: Ok, he's crazy, but Tank and Dozer believed in him and, after seeing Neo do what he can do; I'm starting to believe too.  
  
Zee: Be careful, Link.  
  
Link: Careful as I can be.  
  
Charisma  
  
(Kid runs into the temple)  
  
Kid: They started yet?  
  
Server: Only Councilor Hamann's opening prayer.  
  
(Inside)  
  
Hamann: Tonight, let us honor these men and women. These are our soldiers, our warriors. These are our husbands and wives, our brothers and sisters, our children, our secret lovers that if the public found out about, some politicians wouldn't get re-elected. Let us remember those that have been lost, especially Tank of the Nebuchadnezzar, and let us give thanks to those have been found, and to those who stand here beside us. Now I would like someone else to close this prayer, someone who hasn't spoken here in a long time but who I believe has something to say that we all need to hear. I give you Morpheus.  
  
(One person starts clapping)  
  
Random Guy: Shut up!  
  
(Person stops clapping)  
  
(Morpheus: walks to podium)  
  
Morpheus: Zion! Can you here me now?  
  
Everybody: Yes!  
  
Morpheus: Good. It is true what many of you have heard. The machines have gathered an army, and as I speak, that army is drawing near to our home. Believe me when I say we have a difficult time ahead of us. But if we are to be prepared for it, we must shed our fear of it! I stand before you now truthfully unafraid. Why? Because I believe something you do not? No! I stand here without fear because I remember. I remember that I am here not because of the path that lies before me, but because of the path that lies behind me! I remember that for 100 years we have fought these machines. I remember that for 100 years they have sent their armies to destroy us. And after a century of war, I remember that which matters most. We are completely boned!  
  
(One person claps)  
  
Morpheus: Tonight! Let us send a message to that army. Tonight let us shake this cave. Tonight let us tremble these halls of earth, steel, and stone. Let us be heard from black core to red sky!  
  
(A man comes up and whispers something into Morpheus's ear)  
  
Morpheus: Sorry. From red core to black sky! Tonight, let us make them remember. This is Zion and we are, as I said, completely boned!  
  
(Morpheus walks away)  
  
(Everybody starts to dance)  
  
(People clap as Morpheus walks by)  
  
(Niobe turns around)  
  
Niobe: I remember.  
  
(Morpheus turns around)  
  
Niobe: I remember you used to dance. I remember you were pretty good.  
  
Morpheus: There are some things in this world, Captain Niobe, that will never change.  
  
Commander Lock: Niobe.  
  
(Morpheus turns around)  
  
Morpheus: Shit. I was gonna score! Some things do change.  
  
(Morpheus walks away)  
  
Morpheus: Damn it! Yes!  
  
We can't do that scene  
  
(Neo is talking with some people)  
  
(Trinity enters)  
  
Neo: Excuse me.  
  
(Neo walks toward Trinity)  
  
Neo: I missed you.  
  
Trinity: I can tell.  
  
Neo: I was just thinking.  
  
Trinity: What?  
  
Neo: Everybody's here.  
  
Trinity: Follow me!  
  
(Matt runs in)  
  
Matt: Whew! I got here in time!  
  
Neo: What? You can't be here, you're the director.  
  
Matt: You bet your ass I am. Ok, we can't do this scene.  
  
Neo: Why not.  
  
Matt: We just can't.  
  
Neo: But I wanna score!  
  
Matt: Sorry.  
  
Neo: But.  
  
Matt: Can't be done.  
  
Neo: What if we just.  
  
Matt: Still would be illegal.  
  
Neo: Shouldn't we reshoot this scene?  
  
Matt: Not enough money.  
  
Neo: So what do we do now?  
  
Matt: I suggest you enjoy the cave rave. Hey that rhymes!  
  
(A hot girl walks by)  
  
Matt: Gotta go!  
  
Matt: Hey how you doin?  
  
(The rave is shown for the length of the song used)  
  
Laugh at thy neighbor  
  
(The UV lamps above Zion go out turning "day" into "night")  
  
(Morpheus is standing in front of his door)  
  
Morpheus: Good night, Zion.  
  
Voice: Goodnight, Morpheus!  
  
(A Neighbor walks up)  
  
Neighbor: Hey, Morpheus! How's it goin? Great speech. So we're completely screwed?  
  
Morpheus: I don't know. Maybe Neo will save us, I just wanted everybody to think that we're gonna die.  
  
Neighbor: Why?  
  
Morpheus: Because then, prices will drop and I can buy all the stuff I want. Then, when we don't die, I won't have to return it!  
  
Neighbor: Good plan. So how 'bout that rave tonight? It led to a few good things if you know what I mean.  
  
Morpheus: Maybe for you.  
  
Neighbor: What do you mean? Oh, oh! So nothing.  
  
(Neighbor begins to laugh uncontrollably)  
  
Morpheus: Hey, shut up!  
  
Neighbor: Hey Bob! Bob, get out here!  
  
Bob: What?  
  
Neighbor: Morpheus didn't get any after the rave!  
  
(Bob begins to laugh)  
  
Morpheus: Shut up!  
  
(Morpheus grabs an electricity gun)  
  
(Morpheus shoots Neighbor and Bob)  
  
Morpheus: Oh shit!  
  
(Morpheus grabs Bob and Neighbor and throws them over the edge)  
  
Morpheus: Look out! They jumped! Why God why?  
  
(Morpheus runs inside)  
  
(Morpheus comes back out and grabs the gun then goes back inside)  
  
Smith Will Suffice  
  
(A phone rings in the matrix)  
  
(Bane and Rebel 1 jump through a skylight into the room)  
  
Bane: Did you see that agent? I've never seen one like that.  
  
Rebel 1: That's not important. This is.  
  
(Rebel 1 pulls out a CD)  
  
Bane: After you.  
  
(Rebel 1 answers the phone and disappears)  
  
(Agent Smith jumps down)  
  
(Agent Smith thrusts his and into Bane)  
  
Bane: Ow!  
  
Agent Smith: Sorry.  
  
(Agent Smith thrusts again this time entering his body)  
  
Bane: Oh God.  
  
Agent Smith: Smith will suffice.whatever the hell that means.  
  
(Bane turns into Agent Smith)  
  
(The original Agent Smith jerks his hand out of Bane/Smith)  
  
(The original Smith straitens Bane/Smith's tie)  
  
Bane/Smith: Thank you.  
  
Agent Smith: Your welcome, but we can't have you looking like that.  
  
Bane/Smith: No, we can't.  
  
Agent Smith and Bane/Smith: We need a makeover!  
  
(Theme to queer eye for the straight guy is played)  
  
(Agent Smith and Bane/Smith enter a store called "Agent Apparel")  
  
(Bane/Smith holds up a suit with a black tie)  
  
(Agent Smith shakes his head no and grabs an identical suit off another rack)  
  
(Bane/Smith hits his head in embarrassment)  
  
(Bane/Smith goes over to the phone)  
  
(Bane/Smith answers the phone)  
  
Walk  
  
(Neo wakes up)  
  
(Neo goes outside and looks over ledge)  
  
(Hamann walks up)  
  
Hamann: Neo, mind if I join you? Or, if you prefer to be alone.  
  
Neo: Councilor Hamann, not at all.  
  
Hamann: Nice tonight. Very calm. Looks like everyone's sleeping very peacefully.  
  
Neo: Not everyone.  
  
Hamann: Can't sleep? I hate sleep. I never sleep more then a few hours a night. I figure I slept the first eleven years of my life now I'm making up for it.  
  
Neo: If you were just making up for it, wouldn't you just not sleep for eleven years?  
  
Hamann: Well, I guess. Um.did you here about the suicides near Morpheus's?  
  
Neo: Yeah, poor bastards. They jumped then shot each other with electricity guns. Both were Morpheus's neighbors.  
  
Hamann: He must be so depressed.  
  
(Camera switches to Morpheus)  
  
(Morpheus is dancing around with loud music playing)  
  
(There is a knock at his door)  
  
Neighbor 2: (through door) Hey! Do you know what time it is? Shut up!  
  
Morpheus: That's it!  
  
(Morpheus grabs the electricity gun)  
  
(Switch back to Neo and Hamann)  
  
Hamann: What about you?  
  
Neo: I just haven't been able to sleep much.  
  
(Neo and Hamann away from the ledge)  
  
Hamann: That's a good sign.  
  
Neo: Of what?  
  
Hamann: That you are still human.  
  
(Neighbor 2 falls over the ledge)  
  
Neo: What the?  
  
Morpheus: Oh my God! He jumped after electrocuting himself!  
  
Hamann: Shit! This isn't good for my PR and elections are coming up. We got to get out of here! Have you ever been to the engineering level?  
  
The Engineering Level  
  
(Neo and Hamann exit an elevator and are on the Engineering level)  
  
Hamann: Almost no one comes down here. Unless, of course, there's a problem.  
  
Neo: Are you going to kill me and dump my body in a machine?  
  
Hamann: No! Whatever gave you that idea?  
  
Neo: Morpheus is over there doing it.  
  
(Neo points at Morpheus)  
  
(Morpheus dumps a body into a machine)  
  
(Morpheus looks up and sees Neo and then runs away)  
  
Hamann: That can't be Morpheus. Would you put down that hatchett!  
  
(Neo drops a hatchet)  
  
Neo: Sorry, self-defense.  
  
Hamann: As I was saying, nobody comes down here.  
  
Neo: Are you going to molest me? Help! I need an adult!  
  
Hamann: God, no! I'm just trying to talk with you.  
  
Neo: Ok.  
  
(Neo slowly grabs the hatchet)  
  
Hamann: That's how it is with people. Nobody cares how it works as long as it works.  
  
Neo: Yeah, I'm not about to learn how stuff works.  
  
Hamann: I like it down here. I like to be reminded that this city survives because of these machines.  
  
Neo: (under breath) No wonder you have no friends.  
  
Hamann: These machines are keeping us alive while other machines are coming to kill us.  
  
Neo: Are you going to kill yourself?  
  
Hamann: No!  
  
Neo: Are you sure?  
  
Hamann: Yes! Let me finish! Interesting, isn't it? The power to give life, the power to take it away.  
  
Neo: We have the same power.  
  
Hamann: Yeah, I suppose we do, but down here sometimes I think about all those people still plugged into the matrix and when I look at these machines, I can't help thinking that, in a way, we're plugged into them.  
  
Neo: Ok, so you're not going to kill me and you're not going to kill yourself, and you're talking about us being slaves to these machines, Oh no! You're going to blow up Zion!  
  
Hamann: No! I'm just stating that this is like a mini-matrix!  
  
Neo: Sure, but we control these machines, they don't control us.  
  
Hamann: Of course not, how could they?  
  
Neo: Yes, who could they indeed? Are you a machine?  
  
Hamann: No!  
  
Neo: I'm just asking, cause if you are, it's ok.  
  
Hamann: I'm not.  
  
Neo: Ok, ok.  
  
Hamann: The machines can't control us. The idea is pure nonsense. But, it does make one wonder, what is control?  
  
Neo: If we wanted, we could shut these machines down.  
  
Hamann: of course! You hit it! If we wanted, we could smash them to bits. Although if we did, we'd have to consider what would happen to our lights, our heat, our air.  
  
Neo: So we need machines and they need us, is that your point?  
  
Hamann: No. No point. Old men like me don't bother with making points. There's no point.  
  
Neo: My head hurts. Is that why there are no young men on the council?  
  
Hamann: Good point.  
  
Neo: Why don't you tell me what's on your mind?  
  
Hamann: there is so much in this world that I do not understand. See that machine? It has something to do with recycling our water supply. I have absolutely no idea how it works. But I do understand the reason for it to work. I have no idea how you are able to do some of the things you do, but I believe there's a reason for that as well. I only hope we understand that reason before it's too late.  
  
Neo: Is that your point?  
  
Hamann: Yes.  
  
Neo: Ha! So you do make points!  
  
Hamann: Damn it! You got me. But don't tell anyone.  
  
Neo: Ok.  
  
Memories of the Spoon  
  
(Ballard knocks on a door)  
  
(Trinity answers)  
  
Trinity: Ballard.  
  
Ballard: Is he here?  
  
(Trinity opens the door revealing Neo)  
  
Ballard: It's from the Oracle.  
  
Neo: It's time to go.  
  
(Switch to Link and Zee)  
  
Link: Morpheus said this was how it was gonna happen. I don't know, maybe the prophecy's true, maybe it isn't. All I know is that that ship needs an operator. Right now that operator is me.  
  
Zee: I know.  
  
(Zee grabs a necklace)  
  
Link: Zee.  
  
Zee: I want you to wear it.  
  
Link: You know I don't believe in this stuff.  
  
Zee: But I do. It's always brought me luck. Maybe it'll bring me you.  
  
Link: I'm coming back. I promise.  
  
Zee; Just keep it with you, please. For me.  
  
Link: Ok.  
  
(Switch to Smith/Bane)  
  
(Smith/Bane is trying to cut himself with a pair of safety scissors)  
  
(Bane/Smith looks up and sees Morpheus, Link, and Neo coming)  
  
(Bane/Smith comes up behind them and pulls out the scissors)  
  
Kid: Neo!  
  
Link: How the hell? Bane?  
  
Neo: is something wrong?  
  
Bane/Smith: No, I'm fine. I just wanted to catch you to say good luck.  
  
Neo: Thanks.  
  
Bane/Smith: Well see you, Mr. Anderson I mean Neo, I mean, I'm not Agent Smith!  
  
Neo: Ok.  
  
(Bane/Smith leaves and Kid runs up)  
  
Kid: Neo! Just in time! You're gonna see the Oracle?  
  
Morpheus: we don't have time for this.  
  
Kid: I'm sorry sir; I just had to give something to Neo.  
  
Link: No time!  
  
Kid: Hey! You let me give this to Neo or I'll reveal who of you has killed people.  
  
Link and Morpheus: Shit! Give it to Neo!  
  
Kid: Ok, A gift from one of the orphans. He made me swear to get it to you before you left. He said you'd understand.  
  
(Neo unravels the cloth to reveal a spoon)  
  
Neo: That damn kid! I'll beat his ass! He fed me that crap about the spoon and now I'm gonna smack him upside the head!  
  
Morpheus: You want to borrow my electricity gun for it?  
  
Neo: Why?  
  
Morpheus: It helps to have a second set of prints on a murder weapon -I mean a gun.  
  
(Neo enters an elevator where everybody else is waiting)  
  
(Switch to Hamann's office)  
  
(There is a knock at the door)  
  
Hamann: Come in.  
  
(Commander Lock enters)  
  
Commander Lock: I was just told that you cleared the Nebuchadnezzar for takeoff.  
  
Hamann: That is correct.  
  
Commander Lock: I am still in charge of the city's defense system?  
  
Hamann: Of course not. I'm just kidding.  
  
Commander Lock: I believe that we need every available ship here if we are going to survive this attack.  
  
Hamann: Tough shit. I outrank you.  
  
Teahouse  
  
(Neo sits on a chair for entering the matrix)  
  
Trinity: Be careful.  
  
Morpheus: Can I come too?  
  
Trinity and Neo: No!  
  
Morpheus: Fine.  
  
(Trinity inserts the plug into Neo's neck)  
  
(Neo awakes in Chinatown)  
  
Neo: I'm taller! Bow before me!  
  
(Nobody acknowledges Neo)  
  
(Neo walks to a teahouse)  
  
(Neo enters)  
  
(Seraph is sitting drinking tea)  
  
Neo: Hello.  
  
Seraph: You seek the Oracle.  
  
Neo: Who are you? Jet Li?  
  
Seraph: No, he is in hiding because of you.  
  
Neo: Ok, then who are you?  
  
Seraph: I am Seraph. I can take you to her, but first, I must apologize.  
  
Neo: Apologize for what?  
  
Seraph: For this.  
  
(Seraph throws the tea at Neo)  
  
Neo: Hey!  
  
Seraph: I must apologize again.  
  
Neo: For what?  
  
Seraph: For this.  
  
(Seraph begins slap Neo)  
  
Neo: Stop it! Hey! Don't make me hit you!  
  
(Neo hits Seraph)  
  
(They begin to fight)  
  
Seraph: Good. The Oracle has many enemies. I had to be sure.  
  
Neo: Of what?  
  
Seraph: Of this. Oh, wait, wrong line, that you are the one.  
  
Neo: You could of just asked.  
  
Seraph: No, you do not truly know someone until you fight them. By the way, your PIN number is 2189.  
  
Neo: How do you know that?  
  
Seraph: I fought you.  
  
Neo: Damn it!  
  
Seraph: Come, she's waiting. Oh and about what happened on the playground when you were 5, let it go.  
  
(Seraph puts a key in the door and it opens to show the matrix maintenance passages)  
  
(Neo enters and Seraph follows then closes the door)  
  
(Neb)  
  
(All are around Link)  
  
Link: Where the hell did they go?  
  
Morpheus: I'll bet they went to the dog track.  
  
Trinity: No!  
  
Morpheus: Fine.  
  
(Maintenance passages)  
  
Neo: These are back doors aren't they? Programmer access.  
  
(Seraph nods yes)  
  
Neo: How do they work?  
  
Seraph: A code is hidden in tumblers. One position opens a lock and another position opens one of these doors.  
  
Neo: Are you a programmer?  
  
(Seraph nods no)  
  
Neo: Then what are you?  
  
(Seraph puts a key in a lock and turns it)  
  
Seraph: I protect that which matters most.  
  
(Seraph opens the door)  
  
(A man runs down the hall)  
  
Man 3: Help! I've been stuck in here for 10 days! Let me out!  
  
Seraph: Not until you admit that you hit me on the freeway!  
  
Man 3: but I didn't!  
  
Seraph: Goodbye.  
  
Man 3: No!  
  
(Neo and Seraph go though the door and Seraph closes it behind them)  
  
Man 3: Fuck.  
  
The Oracle  
  
The Oracle: Well, come on. I ain't gonna bite you. Come around here and let me have a look at you. My goodness, look at you. You turned out all right, didn't you? Let's take a walk.  
  
(The Oracle and Neo begin to walk)  
  
The Oracle: How do you feel?  
  
Neo: I  
  
The Oracle; I know you're not sleeping. We'll get to that. There's only one thing to remember. The who and the what aren't important. It's only scenery. Only ask why.  
  
Neo: Huh?  
  
The Oracle: Only ask why. I was in Matrix Ops from 61 through 64. Covert stuff involving keys and digging machines. I know things. Things that would have us both killed in a heartbeat. So, let's get the obvious stuff out of the way. Who would benefit?  
  
Neo: I thought I couldn't ask who.  
  
The Oracle: Just this once, it's ok.  
  
Neo: Huh?  
  
The Oracle: just ask a question.  
  
Neo: You're not human are you?  
  
The Oracle: It's tough to get more obvious then that.  
  
Neo: If I had to guess, I'd say you're a program from the machine world.  
  
(A man walks by)  
  
Neo: So is he.  
  
(The man is the Tin Man from the Wizard of Oz)  
  
Tin Man: If I had a heart I'd kick your ass!  
  
Neo: I meant him.  
  
(Neo points at Seraph)  
  
Tin Man: Ok. Sorry.  
  
(Tin Man leaves)  
  
The Oracle: So far, so good.  
  
Neo: But if that's true, that could mean you're part of this system, another form of control.  
  
The Oracle: Keep going.  
  
Neo: I suppose the most obvious question is how can I trust you.  
  
The Oracle: Bingo. Just consider it with all of the other mysteries. Why would they want this man to free people, why is this sending shockwaves through the powers in Zion. It is a pickle, no doubt about it. Bad news is there's no way you can really know if I'm here to help you or not. So it's really up to you. Just have to make up you own damn mind to either accept what I'm going to tell you or reject it.  
  
(The Oracle grabs something from her purse)  
  
The Oracle: Candy?  
  
Neo: Do you already know if I'll take it?  
  
The Oracle: Wouldn't be much of an oracle if I didn't.  
  
Neo: But if you already know, how can I make a choice?  
  
The Oracle: Because you didn't come here to make the choice. You've already made it. You're here to try to understand why you made it. See, ask the why.  
  
(Neo takes the candy and pockets it)  
  
The Oracle: I thought you'd have figured that out by now.  
  
Neo: Why are you here?  
  
The Oracle: Same reason. I love candy.  
  
Neo: How 'bout you don't be a smart ass and tell me why you help us?  
  
The Oracle: We're all here to do what we're all here to do. I'm interested in one thing, Neo, the future. And believe me, I know, the only way to get there is together.  
  
Neo: Are there other programs like you?  
  
The Oracle: Don't ask who, it's only scenery. There are others, but not like me. But.Look? See those birds?  
  
Neo: Pretty.  
  
The Oracle: At some point, a program was written to govern them. A program was written to watch over the trees and the wind, the sunrise and sunset. There are programs running all over the place. The ones doing their job, doing what they were meant to do, are invisible. You'd never even know they were here. But the other ones, well, you hear about them all the time.  
  
Neo: I've never heard of them.  
  
The Oracle: That's because Morpheus is an idiot and he's been filling your head with idiocy. You've heard of them. Every time you've heard someone say they saw a ghost or an angel, every story you've ever heard about vampires, werewolves or aliens is the system assimilating some program that's doing something they're not supposed to be doing.  
  
Neo: Programs hacking programs. Why?  
  
The Oracle: Good, you know what to ask. They have their reasons but usually a program chooses exile when it faces deletion.  
  
Neo: And why would a program be deleted?  
  
The Oracle: Maybe it breaks down. Maybe a better program is created to replace it. Happens all the time. And when it does, a program can either choose to hide out here or return to the source.  
  
Neo: The machine mainframe?  
  
The Oracle: Yes. Where you must go. Where the path of the One ends. You've seen it, in your dreams, haven't you? The door made of light.  
  
(Neo nods yes)  
  
The Oracle: What happens when you go through the door?  
  
Neo: I see Trinity and something happens. Something bad. She starts to fall.  
  
The Oracle: Do you see her die?  
  
Neo: No.  
  
The Oracle: You have the sight now, Neo. You are looking at the world without time.  
  
Neo: Then why can't I see what happens to her?  
  
The Oracle: We can never see past the choices we don't understand.  
  
Neo: Are you saying I have to choose whether Trinity lives or dies?  
  
The Oracle: No, you've already made the choice. Now you have to understand it.  
  
Neo: No. I can't do that. I won't.  
  
The Oracle: Well, you have to.  
  
Neo: Why?  
  
The Oracle: Ok, I know I asked you to only ask why but it's getting old. You have to because you are the One.  
  
Neo: What if I can't? What happens if I fail?  
  
The Oracle: Then Zion is royally boned.  
  
(On Neb)  
  
Morpheus: Hey! That's my speech!  
  
(Matrix)  
  
(Seraph comes up to The Oracle and puts his hand on her shoulder)  
  
The Oracle: Our time is up. Listen to me, Neo. You can save Zion, if you reach the source, but to do that you need the Keymaker.  
  
Neo: The Keymaker?  
  
The Oracle: Is there an echo in here? Yes, the Keymaker. He disappeared. We didn't know what happened to him until now. He's being held prisoner by a very dangerous program, one of the oldest of us. He is called the Merovingian and he will not let him go willingly.  
  
Neo: What does he want?  
  
The Oracle: What do all men with power want? More power.  
  
Neo: I guess that takes care of the who would benefit.  
  
The Oracle: Yes, it does.  
  
(The Oracle hands Neo a piece of paper)  
  
The Oracle: Be there, at that exact time and you will have a chance.  
  
Seraph: We must go.  
  
The Oracle: Seems like every time we meet I got nothing but bad news. Life's a bitch, ain't it? I'm sorry about that. I surely am. So I must apologize.  
  
Neo: No! That's ok!  
  
The Oracle: Ok, but for what it's worth you've made a believer out of me. Good luck, kiddio.  
  
(Seraph opens the door the he and Neo came from and the Oracle and him walk into it)  
  
(Neo turns around)  
  
The Burly Brawl  
  
(Agent Smith walks and birds fly away from him as he approaches)  
  
Agent Smith: Mr. Anderson. How you been? I missed you so much!  
  
Neo: Yeah, me too.  
  
Agent Smith: Did you get my package?  
  
Neo: Yeah.  
  
Agent Smith: Well, good.  
  
(On Neb)  
  
Morpheus: Bob, I mean Smith.  
  
Link: Whoever he is, he's not reading like an agent.  
  
(Matrix)  
  
Agent Smith: Surprised to see me?  
  
Neo: No.  
  
Agent Smith: Then you're aware of it.  
  
Neo: Of what?  
  
Agent Smith: Our connection. I don't fully understand how it happened. Perhaps some part of you imprinted onto me, something overwritten or copied. That is at this point irrelevant, what matters is that whatever happened, happened for a reason. Don't I seem more badass in this movie?  
  
Neo: Yeah. And what reason is that?  
  
Agent Smith: I killed you, Mr. Anderson, I watched you die... With a certain satisfaction, I might add, and then something happened. Something that I knew was impossible, but it happened anyway. Pizza Hut offered 2 pizzas and then the 3rd free.  
  
Neo: Yeah, but I didn't have coupon so I bitched at their manager from a pay phone.  
  
Agent Smith: Yeah, something else happened too. You destroyed me, Mr. Anderson. Afterward, I knew the rules, I understood what I was supposed to do but I didn't. I couldn't. I was compelled to stay, compelled to disobey. My daddy would have whooped me good but he's a Windows 98 operating system. And now here I stand because of you, Mr. Anderson, because of you I'm no longer an agent of the system, because of you I've changed - I'm unplugged - a new man, so to speak, like you, apparently free.  
  
Neo: Congratulations.  
  
Agent Smith: Thank you. But as you well know, appearances can be deceiving, which brings me back to the reason why we're here. We're not here because we're free; we're here because we're not free.  
  
Neo: You're not free!  
  
Agent Smith: Your mom's not free!  
  
Neo: Na uh!  
  
Agent Smith: There's no escaping reason, no denying purpose - because as we both know, without purpose, we would not exist.  
  
Agent Smith 2: It is purpose that created us,  
  
Agent Smith 3: Purpose that connects us,  
  
Agent Smith 4: Purpose that pulls us,  
  
Agent Smith 5: That guides us,  
  
Agent Smith 6: That drives us,  
  
Agent Smith 7: It is purpose that defines,  
  
Agent Smith 8: Purpose that binds us.  
  
All Smiths: What good is a phone call if you are unable to speak?  
  
Neo: I thought we figured that out.  
  
Agent Smith: Yeah, well, people forget things, Ok? You think I'm perfect! Well I'm not!  
  
Neo: God, it's just a phone call.  
  
Agent Smith: We're here because of you, Mr. Anderson; we're here to take from you what you tried to take from us.  
  
(Agent Smith thrusts his hand into Neo's stomach)  
  
Agent Smith: Purpose.  
  
(On Neb)  
  
(Neo flails)  
  
Trinity: What's happening to him?  
  
Link: Don't know.  
  
(Matrix)  
  
Agent Smith: Yes, that's it; it'll be over soon.  
  
(Neo pulls Agent Smith's hand out of him)  
  
(At that moment, two other Agent Smiths grabs Neo's shoulders thus beginning the Burly Brawl)  
  
(Neo and 8 Agent Smiths begin to fight)  
  
(See movie for fight details)  
  
(Throughout the whole fight, Agent Smith 4 just runs in circles hitting himself)  
  
(In about 4 minutes, a woman walks in)  
  
(She looks at the fight)  
  
(She drops her bags and becomes Agent Jackson)  
  
(Agent Jackson begins to walk towards the fight)  
  
(An Agent Smith grabs his shoulder)  
  
(Agent Jackson turns around)  
  
Agent Jackson: You!  
  
Agent Smith: Yes, me.  
  
(Agent Smith thrusts his hand into Agent Jackson)  
  
Agent Smith: Me, me, me.  
  
Agent Smith 2: Me too.  
  
Agent Smith: No, me!  
  
Agent Smith 2: Me!  
  
Both: Me!  
  
Agent Smith: Focus! Let's get Mr. Anderson!  
  
Agent Smith 2: Ok.  
  
(Neo fights about 12 Agent Smiths)  
  
(About 30 seconds later, 38 more Agent Smiths come out of various doors and gates)  
  
(Fight continues)  
  
(About 3 minutes later, Neo pulls out a metal tube from the ground)  
  
(Fight continues)  
  
(About 1 minute later Neo hits Agent Smith and he crashes through a bench and hits a wall)  
  
Agent Smith: More.  
  
(Fight Continues)  
  
(45 seconds later, 50 Agent Smiths bust through various doors)  
  
(Fight Continues until dog pile)  
  
Agent Smith: It is inevitable.  
  
(Agent Smith sniffs Neo)  
  
Agent Smith: You smell nice.  
  
Neo: Thanks, it's a new cologne.  
  
Agent Smith: It's very nice, Mr. Anderson.  
  
(Agent Smith does a really bad grrr face)  
  
(On neb)  
  
Trinity: Come on, get out of there.  
  
(Matrix)  
  
(Neo busts out of the dog pile)  
  
(He grabs an Agent Smith and throws him at the others)  
  
(Neo flies away)  
  
(Agent Smith looks around at all of the other Agent Smiths)  
  
Agent Smith: You guys suck ass.  
  
(Agent Smith 4 continues to just run around in circles)  
  
I Feel Good  
  
(On Neb)  
  
(Trinity removes the plug from Neo's neck)  
  
Trinity: Are you all right?  
  
(Neo nods yes)  
  
Morpheus: It was Smith?  
  
Neo: Yes.  
  
Morpheus: Now there's more than one of them?  
  
Neo: A lot more.  
  
Morpheus: Now I can write my children's book!  
  
Trinity: Really? Read us a passage!  
  
Morpheus: Ok. Eh-hem. One Smith, two Smith, red Smith, blue Smith.  
  
Link: Very good, Sir. Neo, how's that possible?  
  
Neo: I don't know. Somehow, he's found a way to copy himself.  
  
Morpheus: Is that what he was doing to you?  
  
Neo: I don't know what he was doing, but I know what it felt like.  
  
Morpheus: I know what I feel like!  
  
Link: What, sir?  
  
Morpheus: I feel good! Do do do do do do do! I knew that I would! Do do do do do do do! I feel good!  
  
(Trinity hits Morpheus)  
  
Morpheus: Ow!  
  
Trinity: Let Neo tell it!  
  
Morpheus: Fine, what did it feel like, Neo?  
  
Neo: it felt like I was back in that hallway. It felt like dying.  
  
Morpheus: Oooh! It felt like dying, did it? Well, fine. You know what? I foresee that you two are going to die and I'll be left alive!  
  
Link: What about me, Sir?  
  
Morpheus: The future is unclear.  
  
Who Will Answer the Call?  
  
(Except for the Neb's crew, all crews of ships, Commander Lock, and the Zion Council are in the Council meeting chamber)  
  
Commander Lock: As you can see by the chart, which we have to thank my own beautiful artwork for, the machines are tunneling to avoid our defense system. I believe that the Machines will try to cut through mainlines in order to control them. This is critical because I believe it is their weakness.  
  
Council Leader: Commander Lock, we like your plan but we don't like you. The Council and I have met and we have decided on several ways to piss you off. Firstly, we ask if there has been word from the Nebuchadnezzar.  
  
Commander Lock: No word.  
  
Council Leader: Then we ask that a ship be dispatched to ascertain the fate of the Nebuchadnezzar.  
  
Commander Lock: With all due respect, Councilor it would take a single ship days to find the Neb.  
  
Hamann: Then send two.  
  
Council Leader: Nice impromptu pissing off strategy.  
  
Hamann: Thanks.  
  
Commander Lock: With all due respect, we can't order the captains.  
  
Council Leader: There's no need for such an order. The captains are present, they can decide on their own. Are there two among you who would answer such a call?  
  
Captain 2: I'm not answering the call, but I just want to know where are we and who are you?  
  
Ghost: For the love of God! There's only one place we would be!  
  
Captain 2: The Matrix?  
  
Ghost: That's it! You! Die! Just, just die now!  
  
Council Leader: Anybody?  
  
(Nobody stands)  
  
Council Leader: Ok. Fine.  
  
(Council Leader presses a button with the word "Soren" on it)  
  
(Soren is shocked by electricity and jumps up)  
  
Council Leader: Captain Soren, so nice of you to volunteer.  
  
Soren: But I didn't say I would.  
  
Council Leader: Too damn late. Anybody else?  
  
(Over to Bane and Ballard)  
  
Bane/Smith: Captain, I think we should volunteer.  
  
Ballard: Bane! Shut your hole before I put you in one.  
  
Bane/Smith: You can't do that because I'm not Agent Smith!  
  
Ballard: Shut up!  
  
Council Leader: So, nobody else, eh?  
  
Commander Lock: It's hard for any captain to.  
  
Niobe: Captain Niobe of the Logos will answer the Council's call.  
  
Council Leader: Ok, meeting adjourned!  
  
(Everybody gets up to leave)  
  
(Commander Lock rushes to Niobe)  
  
Commander Lock: Niobe, why did.  
  
Niobe: Because something in this world change, Jason. Others do not. Some change then quickly change back. Some say they'll change but then don't. Or the opposite. The point is I'm going so yeah.  
  
Merovingian Time!  
  
(Morpheus, Neo, and Trinity walk into an elevator)  
  
(Other people try to move into the elevator)  
  
(Morpheus shakes his head no)  
  
(The elevator closes)  
  
Morpheus: What can you see, Neo.  
  
Neo: I don't know. The code is somehow different.  
  
Trinity: Encrypted?  
  
Neo: Maybe.  
  
Morpheus: It's telling us to go to the dog track. You know, the one for free minds.  
  
Neo: I thought that was just a group of losers who meet at the bottom of Zion and race rats.  
  
Morpheus: Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't know! But still the code is telling us to go to the track.  
  
Neo and Trinity: No!  
  
Morpheus: Just remember what I said about the death thing. Neo, what does it look like?  
  
Neo: Well, it looks like every floor is wired with explosives.  
  
Morpheus: Damn shitty national security. Yes.  
  
Neo: Why Morpheus? Why do you say "Yes" like that every time somebody curses?  
  
Morpheus: Because It makes me sound badass and cool. Yes.  
  
(The elevator opens and they walk out)  
  
(A host is waiting at a podium)  
  
Host: Bonjure.  
  
Morpheus: What the?  
  
Neo: He said hello.  
  
Morpheus: Ok, Bondage Shore! We're here to speak with the Merovingian.  
  
Host: Ah! He has been expecting you. Walk this way.  
  
(The waiter begins to walk in funny way)  
  
(Morpheus imitates him)  
  
Morpheus: You get it? He said to walk this way, so I did!  
  
Host: Are you making fun of my limp that I got defending this country in Desert Storm?  
  
Morpheus: I could use some dessert.  
  
(Neo Looks and sees a man being led away)  
  
Merovingian: Ah! If it isn't Neo, the One himself. And the legendary Morpheus.  
  
Morpheus: I like shiny things!  
  
Merovingian: And Trinity. Come! Please! Sit! This is my wife, Persephone. And these are my most loyal henchmen, the twins, Larry and Andy Wachowski Brothers. Would you like something to eat? Drink?  
  
Morpheus: I could use some caffeine.  
  
Trinity: Not this close to bed. You remember what happened last time.  
  
Morpheus: I think it's pretty obvious that I do, but explain it for our audience.  
  
Merovingian: What audience?  
  
Morpheus: Exactly.  
  
(The Spoon Kid enters)  
  
Spoon Kid: There is no audience.  
  
Neo: Damn you! You die! You go to hell and you die!  
  
(Spoon Kid leaves)  
  
Merovingian: So nothing? Ok. Who has the time? Who has time? But then if we do not ever take time, how can we ever have time?  
  
(Merovingian sips his wine)  
  
Merovingian: Château Haut-Brion 1959, magnificent wine, I love French wine, like I love the French language. I have sampled every language, French is my favorite - fantastic language, especially to curse with. Putain de bordel de merde de saloperie de connard d'enculé de ta mère! [Trans: Whore of brothel of shit of filth of jerk of fucking your mother up the ass.]  
  
Morpheus: Wee.  
  
(Morpheus shifts his eyes for a few seconds)  
  
Merovingian: You see, it's like wiping your ass with silk, I love it.  
  
Morpheus: That sounds like something a homo would do. What was the name of that guy who used to be on the ship? Curly Joe? Mumbling Jim? Neo?  
  
Neo: I'm Neo.  
  
Morpheus: Shut up, Curly Joe.  
  
Trinity: The gay guy's name was Cipher.  
  
Morpheus: Yeah, Mumbling Jim. Wasn't he gay?  
  
Trinity: Yeah.  
  
Merovingian: Now why are you here?  
  
Morpheus: You know why we are here.  
  
Merovingian: Hmph... I am a trafficker of information, I know everything I can. The question is, do you know why you are here?  
  
(Morpheus leans in close to Merovingian)  
  
Morpheus: I want to place a bet on Losing Hound in the third race today.  
  
(Trinity pulls Morpheus back)  
  
Morpheus: (Under breath) Bitch.  
  
Trinity: What was that?  
  
Morpheus: Nothing.  
  
Neo: We're here for the Keymaker.  
  
Merovingian: Oh yes, it is true. The Keymaker, of course. But this is not a reason, this is not a `why.' The Keymaker himself, his very nature, is means, it is not an end, and so, to look for him is to be looking for a means to do... what?  
  
Neo: You know the answer to that question.  
  
Merovingian: But do you? You think you do but you do not. You are here because you were sent here, you were told to come here and you obeyed.  
  
(Merovingian chuckles)  
  
Merovingian: It is, of course, the way of all things. You see, there is only one constant, one universal, it is the only real truth: causality. Action. Reaction. Cause and effect.  
  
Morpheus: Everything begins with choice. Or a betting slip. Losing Hound in the third race for example.  
  
(Morpheus winks and mouths the words "500 dollars")  
  
Merovingian: No. Wrong. Choice is an illusion, created between those with power, and those without. Look there, at that woman. My God, just look at her.  
  
(Camera shows a woman talking at a table)  
  
Merovingian: Affecting everyone around her, so obvious, so bourgeois, so boring. But wait... Watch - you see, I have sent her dessert.  
  
(Camera shows a slice of pie in code)  
  
Merovingian: A very special dessert. I wrote it myself.  
  
(The camera shows the pie being sliced with a fork)  
  
It starts so simply, each line of the program creating a new effect, just like poetry.  
  
(Code view of woman)  
  
Merovingian: First, a rush... heat... her heart flutters.  
  
(Merovingian on camera)  
  
Merovingian: You can see it, Neo, yes? She does not understand why - is it the wine? No. What is it then, what is the reason? And soon it does not matter, soon the why and the reason are gone, and all that matters is the feeling itself. This is the nature of the universe. We struggle against it, we fight to deny it, but it is of course pretense, it is a lie. Beneath our poised appearance, the truth is we are completely out of control. Causality. There is no escape from it, we are forever slaves to it. Our only hope, our only peace is to understand it, to understand the `why.' `Why' is what separates us from them, you from me. `Why' is the only real social power it is the only source of power.  
  
Neo: I'm looking for the source!  
  
Merovingian: That's nice.  
  
Neo: The Oracle, she said this would happen. That the who and the what wasn't important. Only the why. Damn Oracle logic!  
  
Merovingian: Well, as I was saying, without "why" you are powerless. And this is how you come to me, without `why,' without power. Another link in the chain. But fear not, since I have seen how good you are at following orders, I will tell you what to do next. Run back, and give the fortuneteller this message: Her time is almost up. Now I have some real business to do, I will say adieu and goodbye.  
  
Neo: This isn't over.  
  
Merovingian: Oh yes, it is. The Keymaker is mine and I see no reason why I should give him up. No reason at all.  
  
Persephone: Where are you going?  
  
Merovingian: Please, ma chérie, I've told you, we are all victims of causality. I drink too much wine, I must take a piss. Cause and effect. Au revoir [Trans: Goodbye].  
  
(Morpheus shifts his eyes for a few seconds)  
  
(Morpheus leans in to Persephone)  
  
Morpheus: I think he's cheating on you. If you want to get back at him in an equal way then let me know.  
  
Trinity: Let's go, Morpheus  
  
(Morpheus does the "call me" hand gesture).  
  
(Merovingian's Henchmen get up)  
  
(Vampire 1 gets up and hovers over Trinity's shoulder)  
  
Trinity: Touch me and that hand will never touch anything again.  
  
(A twig pokes Trinity's face)  
  
Trinity: Morpheus!  
  
Morpheus: Neo!  
  
Neo: Merovingian!  
  
Merovingian: Henchmen!  
  
Vampire 1: Sorry, sir.  
  
(The Henchmen escort Neo, Morpheus, and Trinity to the elevator)  
  
(Larry W blows Trinity a kiss)  
  
(The elevator closes)  
  
Morpheus: Are you certain the Oracle didn't say anything else?  
  
Neo: Yes.  
  
Trinity: Maybe we did something wrong.  
  
Neo: Or didn't do something.  
  
Morpheus: No, what happened happened and couldn't have happened any other way.  
  
Neo: You said happened a lot.  
  
Morpheus: Indeed I did. Happened.  
  
Neo: How do you know?  
  
Morpheus: We are still alive.  
  
(The elevator door opens)  
  
Persephone: If you want the Keymaker, follow me.  
  
Mental Breakdown and a Kiss  
  
(Persephone walks into the men's' room followed by Neo, Morpheus and Trinity)  
  
(Persephone turns to a man pissing)  
  
Persephone: Get out!  
  
(The man zips up his fly and runs out)  
  
Persephone: I'm so sick of his bullshit. On and on, pompous prick. A long time ago, when we first came here, it was so different. He was so different. He was like you. I'll give you what you want. But you have to give me something.  
  
Morpheus: What?  
  
Persephone: Not you, Neo. Neo, you must give me a kiss.  
  
Trinity: Excuse me?  
  
Morpheus: Come on, baby, what did I do? Whatever it is I can change. We can still make this work.  
  
Persephone: There never was anything!  
  
Morpheus: Why must you be in denial!  
  
Persephone: I want you to kiss me as if you were kissing her.  
  
Neo: Why?  
  
Morpheus: Yeah, this better be good you, you.  
  
Neo: Morpheus!  
  
Persephone: You love her. She loves you. It's all over you both. A long time ago, I knew what that felt like. I want to remember it. I want to sample it. That's all, just a sample.  
  
Trinity: Why don't you sample this instead?  
  
Morpheus: Yeah, sample that, you bitch!  
  
Persephone: Such emotion over something so small. It's just a kiss.  
  
Morpheus: Yeah, what's one little kiss to a whore?  
  
Neo: Morpheus!  
  
Morpheus: I'm a little stressed out right now so you need to chill, ok?  
  
Trinity: Yeah Neo, listen to Morpheus. Seriously. Listen to him. I'm sorry Morpheus, it just sounds wrong when I say to listen to what you say.  
  
Morpheus: That's cool.  
  
Neo: Why should we trust you?  
  
Persephone: If I don't deliver you to the Keymaker, she can kill me.  
  
Morpheus: I can't even kill you? Who the hell do you think you are?  
  
Neo: All right.  
  
Morpheus: What?!  
  
Persephone: But you have to make me believe I am her.  
  
Neo: All right.  
  
(Neo kisses Persephone)  
  
Persephone: Terrible. Forget it.  
  
Morpheus: Kill her, Trinity!  
  
Neo: Wait. Okay.  
  
(Neo passionately kisses Persephone)  
  
Persephone: Ahh, yes. That's it. I envy you. But such a thing is not meant to last. Come with me.  
  
(They all start to walk out the door)  
  
(Morpheus does the fake sneeze and says slut)  
  
(Morpheus punches Neo in the arm)  
  
Neo: What was that for?  
  
Morpheus: What the hell do you think that was for? You stay away from my woman!  
  
(All walk through the kitchen)  
  
(Persephone closes some doors)  
  
(She puts a key in them and turns it)  
  
(She opens the doors reveling a Great Hall room)  
  
Feeding Tank  
  
(Link is operating on the Neb)  
  
Link: Not again. Where'd they go?  
  
(A beep noise is heard)  
  
Link: Whoops, time to feed Tank.  
  
(Link grabs a bucket and climbs up a ladder)  
  
(Link opens a hatch)  
  
Cain and Able  
  
(Persephone opens a door and Neo and Co. follows)  
  
(Cain and Able get up)  
  
Persephone: Relax boys, they're with me. These fellas work for my husband, they do his dirty work. They're very good, very loyal. Aren't you, boys?  
  
Cain and Abel: Yes, Mistress.  
  
Persephone: They come from a much older version of the Matrix, but like so many back then, they caused more problems than they solved. My husband saved them because they're notoriously difficult to terminate. How many people keep silver bullets in their gun?  
  
(Persephone shoots Able)  
  
Morpheus: I do!  
  
(Morpheus shoot Able)  
  
Morpheus: See, I killed him!  
  
Neo: Morpheus, he was already dead.  
  
Morpheus: I know, I just wanted to feel important.  
  
(Cain starts to sneak away)  
  
Persephone: You can either run to the restaurant and tell my husband what I have done, or you can stay here and die.  
  
(Cain runs out the door)  
  
Persephone: He's in the ladies' room... Hurry.  
  
(Persephone pulls a book revealing a hidden passage)  
  
(All enter)  
  
The Keymaker  
  
(Neo opens a door)  
  
(The Keymaker is inside making a key)  
  
Neo: hello. My name is Neo.  
  
Keymaker: Yes, I'm the Keymaker.  
  
Morpheus: if that's true then what does this key open?  
  
(Morpheus holds up a key)  
  
Keymaker: That's a keycard. For that you need the Keycard Maker. But if I had to guess, I'd say a hotel room at a Holiday Inn. Room 303 as it says on the card.  
  
Morpheus: Well played.  
  
Cheatu Fight  
  
Merovingian: Oh God, my God, Persephone how could you do this, you betrayed me! Putain de bordel de saloperie de couille de merde! [Trans: Whore of brothel of filth of testicle of shit]  
  
Morpheus: Wee.  
  
Persephone: Cause and effect, my love.  
  
Merovingian: Cause? There is no cause for this, what cause?  
  
Persephone: What cause? How about the lipstick you're still wearing?  
  
Merovingian: Lipstick? Lipstick? What craziness you are talking about woman, there is no lipstick.  
  
Persephone: She wasn't kissing your face, my love.  
  
Morpheus: Wha-oh! Too much info! Awkward!  
  
(Neo turns and looks at Morpheus)  
  
Morpheus: What?  
  
Merovingian: Ai-ai-ai-ai-ai-ai, woman, this is nothing, c'est rien, c'est rien du tout. [Trans: This is nothing, this is nothing at all] It's a game, it is only a game.  
  
Persephone: So is this. Have fun.  
  
Merovingian: All right. All right. Let us find out where this goes. You two, get the Keymaker.  
  
(Larry W and Andy W phase into ghost mode and sink into the floor)  
  
Larry and Andy W: Help! We're stuck in the floor again! And you stole our movie!  
  
Trinity: That's a nice trick.  
  
Keymaker: I cannot go back.  
  
(The Keymaker runs away)  
  
Neo: I'll handle them.  
  
Morpheus: All right. Can I have your electricity gun?  
  
Neo: No!  
  
(Morpheus and Trinity follow the Keymaker)  
  
Merovingian: Handle us? You'll handle us? You know, your predecessors had much more respect.  
  
(Merovingian's Henchmen begin to shoot at Neo)  
  
(Neo holds up his hand to stop the bullets)  
  
(All of the bullets stop)  
  
(Neo drops his hand and the bullets fall)  
  
Merovingian: Okay, you have some skill. Kill him.  
  
(Neo and the henchmen begin to fight. Use movie for fight details)  
  
(Neo stops a sword with his hand and begins to bleed)  
  
Neo: Ow! That's it! I'm angry. You won't like me when I'm angry.  
  
(Seraph enters)  
  
Seraph: Neo, I must apologize. I just slashed your tires.  
  
Neo: Ahh!  
  
(Neo just bleeds some more)  
  
(Seraph leaves)  
  
Merovingian: You see, he's just a man.  
  
(Fight continues)  
  
Merovingian: Damn it, woman, you will be the end of me. Mark my words, boy, and mark them well. I have survived your predecessors, and I will survive you!  
  
(Merovingian walks through the door back into the restaurant and then trips)  
  
(The door closes just as Neo rams through it showing the mountains)  
  
Garage Hallway  
  
(Morpheus, Trinity, and The Keymaker continue to run)  
  
Trinity: Where are you going?  
  
Keymaker: Another way, always another way.  
  
(Larry W. begins to phase through the floor)  
  
(Morpheus grabs a sword and runs through the door)  
  
Keymaker: Close it, quick.  
  
(Larry W runs and blocks the door with his arm)  
  
(Morpheus shoots at the arm)  
  
Larry W: Could we move along?  
  
(Andy W flies through the door and goes behind Trinity and puts a knife to her throat)  
  
Keymaker: Run!  
  
Andy W: Step away from the door, you movie stealers!  
  
(Morpheus backs away from the door)  
  
(Larry W enters)  
  
Andy W: We owe you for that.  
  
(Larry W goes into ghost form and is repaired)  
  
Larry W: Just like new.  
  
Andy W: Drop your weapon.  
  
(Morpheus drops his sword and begins to shoot at Andy W)  
  
(Trinity runs away toward the Keymaker)  
  
Morpheus: Stay with him.  
  
Trinity: What about Neo?  
  
Morpheus: He can handle himself.  
  
(Trinity goes up to a car)  
  
Trinity: Get in the back.  
  
(The Keymaker gets in the back)  
  
(Neo runs down the hallway)  
  
(Andy W smiles and then closes the door as Neo busts through it)  
  
Neo: Oh shit.  
  
(Neo gets out his cell phone)  
  
(Switch to neb)  
  
Link: Operator.  
  
Neo: Link, where am I?  
  
Link: You're not gonna believe this, but you're all the way up in the mountains.  
  
(Matrix)  
  
Neo: Really.  
  
(Neb)  
  
Link: Yeah, it's gonna take me a while to get up an exit. Oh shit.  
  
Neo: What?  
  
Link: Those movie-making things are after Morpheus and Trinity, and I don't have a way to get them out.  
  
Neo: Where are they?  
  
Link: Middle of the City, 500 miles due south.  
  
(Matrix)  
  
(Neo begins to "fly")  
  
Find an Exit  
  
(A car flies out of a garage with Morpheus, Trinity and the Keymaker in it)  
  
Morpheus: We're boned.  
  
(Morpheus picks up his cell phone)  
  
(Neb)  
  
Link: Operator.  
  
(Matrix)  
  
Morpheus: Get us out of here Link.  
  
(Neb)  
  
Link: That won't be easy sir.  
  
(Matrix)  
  
Morpheus: I know. We're inside the core network.  
  
Link: Yes sir. The only exit I got near you is Winslow overpass.  
  
Morpheus: Off the freeway?  
  
Link: Yes sir.  
  
Morpheus: Fine. We'll make it.  
  
Link: Sir, I think I should say.Oh shit! Look out, incoming fire!  
  
Morpheus: Down!  
  
(Everyone ducks down)  
  
Trinity: Hold on!  
  
Link: Oh no, this getting real ugly real fast.  
  
Morpheus: Are you watching this Link?  
  
Link: Yes sir. There's an all points on you. I make 8 units heading your way.  
  
Morpheus: Any suggestions?  
  
Link: Turn left.  
  
Morpheus: Left, now!  
  
Trinity: Left?  
  
Morpheus: Right.  
  
Trinity: Right?  
  
Morpheus: Right.  
  
Link: Sir, I meant right. Hope you're still alive.  
  
Morpheus: It's ok. We turned right.  
  
Link: Now straight here, go through the next branch, you'll hit a connecting tunnel to the 101.  
  
Morpheus: Got it.  
  
Link: Sir, are you sure about this? The freeway, I mean. It's dangerous, in 14 years of operating, I've never seen...  
  
Morpheus: Link, what did I tell you?  
  
Link: I can't remember. You've told me lots of things.  
  
Morpheus: I said don't take that sass tone with me!  
  
Link: Yes sir. I won't sir. Winslow Overpass. I'll be ready.  
  
Morpheus: Good man.  
  
(Morpheus closes his phone)  
  
Trinity: You've always told me to stay off the freeway.  
  
Morpheus: Yes, that's true.  
  
Trinity: You said it was suicide.  
  
Morpheus: Then let us hope that I was wrong.  
  
(Morpheus loads a gun)  
  
The Freeway  
  
(Warehouse)  
  
Niobe: Link, it's Niobe. We've been sent to bring you in. I need to talk to Morpheus.  
  
(Neb)  
  
Link: Believe me, Niobe, he needs you.  
  
Niobe: Where is he?  
  
Link: Just follow the sirens.  
  
(Morpheus's car goes through the tunnel)  
  
(Morpheus is shooting at the Twins)  
  
(Andy W is shooting back)  
  
(Switch to cop car)  
  
Cop 1: They're approaching -Ahh!  
  
(Cop 1 turns into Agent Thompson and Cop 2 turns into Agent Johnson)  
  
Agent Thompson: We have them now.  
  
Agent Johnson: The exile is the primary target.  
  
Agent Thompson: Really? We're not gonna try and kill Morpheus?  
  
Agent Johnson: Let's play it by ear.  
  
(Back to Morpheus's car)  
  
(Use far shots for freeway)  
  
(See movie for details)  
  
(Larry W phases)  
  
Morpheus: Move!  
  
(Larry W flies into car and lands in back seat)  
  
(Larry W grabs the Keymaker and puts a knife to his throat)  
  
(Morpheus points a gun at Larry W)  
  
Larry W: Come on, Morpheus, it IS or movie. (Larry W hits the gun out of Morpheus's hand)  
  
Larry W: You can't do anything that we don't know about because we made it!  
  
(Morpheus hesitates then punches Larry W)  
  
Morpheus: That's for the predictable ending in Revolutions!  
  
(Larry W phases and falls out the back of the car)  
  
Morpheus: Dumbass!  
  
(The W's car pulls up and Larry W phases into it)  
  
Larry W: We are getting aggravated.  
  
Andy W: Yes, we are.  
  
Fun with Agents on the Freeway  
  
(Morpheus looks over and sees the cop car with Agents Thompson and Johnson in it)  
  
(Agent Thompson gets out of the car and jumps onto a nearby car)  
  
(From it, he jumps onto Morpheus's car)  
  
(Agent Thompson rips off the roof)  
  
(Morpheus begins to shoot at Agent Thompson)  
  
(Agent Thompson dodges)  
  
(Trinity slams the breaks and Agent Thompson flies onto the freeway)  
  
(Agent Thompson looks around a bit, pissed off)  
  
Motorist: Hey! Get off the road you agent of this fake world! Damn programs!  
  
(A cop car pulls along side Morpheus and Co with Agent Thompson inside)  
  
(Agent Thompson shoots)  
  
(Agent Thompson shots out the tire)  
  
(Agent Thompson moves the car to ram Morpheus and Co.)  
  
(Agent Thompson misses)  
  
Agent Thompson: Crap! How could I miss! Damn you, Morpheus!  
  
Morpheus: I didn't do it this time!  
  
(Agent Thompson hits Morpheus and Co 3 times)  
  
Sword Play  
  
(Trinity drives the car onto an off ramp)  
  
(All get out)  
  
Morpheus: Trinity!  
  
(Trinity turns around)  
  
Morpheus: Get him out of here.  
  
Trinity: Come on.  
  
(Trinity and the Keymaker jump off of the bridge and onto a truck carrying motorcycle)  
  
(The Keymaker racks himself on a motorcycle)  
  
Keymaker: Oww! Even to a program, that hurts!  
  
(Back to Morpheus)  
  
(Morpheus turns around and is carrying his sword)  
  
(W's car approaches)  
  
Larry W: Wait, remember, in Reloaded, Morpheus ducked out of the way at the last minute and sliced our car.  
  
Andy W: Ok, I'll veer to the left.  
  
(W's car veers to the left)  
  
(Morpheus remains where he is)  
  
(Morpheus looks over the edge)  
  
Morpheus: Oooh, shiny car on the freeway!  
  
Andy W: He tricked us!  
  
(Morpheus unknowing slices the car)  
  
(The car flips)  
  
Morpheus: Oh, right!  
  
(Morpheus shoots the gas tank and it explodes)  
  
Motorcycle Fun  
  
(Trinity turns around to see the car explode)  
  
(Neb)  
  
Link: He's ok, keep moving.  
  
(Matrix)  
  
Trinity: Come on!  
  
(The Keymaker follows Trinity to the front of the truck)  
  
Keymaker: You know, I am still in a little pain.  
  
(Trinity goes to a motorcycle)  
  
(Trinity opens her phone and calls Link)  
  
Trinity: Link, I need a download for how to hotwire a motorcycle.  
  
(Neb)  
  
Link: Not a problem. One crash course in.  
  
(Matrix)  
  
Trinity: Wait. Cancel that.  
  
(The Keymaker pulls out a key)  
  
Trinity: You are handy.  
  
(Trinity puts it in the motorcycle and turns it)  
  
(Nothing happens)  
  
Trinity: Damn you, Keymaker.  
  
Keymaker: What did I do?  
  
Trinity: You gave me the wrong key!  
  
Keymaker: Bitch, bitch, bitch.  
  
Trinity: Yes. Oh, oh, oh God no! Not like this, not like this. Ah!  
  
Keymaker: Oh, this is the right key.  
  
(The Keymaker puts the key in the ignition)  
  
(Trinity gets on the motorcycle)  
  
Trinity: Get on.  
  
Motorcycle Chase  
  
(Trinity drives the motorcycle off of the front of the truck)  
  
(Truck Driver looks in awe)  
  
Truck Driver: You damn kids and your matrix-ises!  
  
(Trinity drives the motorcycle)  
  
(See movie for details)  
  
(At one point, Trinity drives on the shoulder and passes a truck)  
  
(Truck Driver 2 looks over)  
  
Truck Driver 2: What the-?  
  
(Truck Driver 2 turns into Agent Johnson)  
  
(Agent Johnson moves to squash Trinity and the Keymaker)  
  
(Trinity breaks and barely misses the truck)  
  
(Trinity stops)  
  
(Trinity travels against the traffic on the freeway)  
  
(See movie for details)  
  
(At one point, a cop car on the other side passes a barrier)  
  
(Before the barrier, a cop, after, Agent Thompson)  
  
(Agent Thompson begins to shoot at Trinity and the Keymaker)  
  
(Morpheus sees from a truck top)  
  
(Morpheus stabs his sword into the truck)  
  
(Morpheus steps on the sword, supports himself with the two trucks and grabs the Keymaker)  
  
(The Keymaker flies up and lands on one of the trucks)  
  
(Trinity keeps driving)  
  
(A car with Agent Thompson and Johnson follows)  
  
Agent Johnson: See means nothing.  
  
Agent Thompson: Find the exile.  
  
Agent Johnson: We have them.  
  
(View of Agent Thompson standing over a bridge)  
  
Voice: One Adam 12, please respond.  
  
Agent Fight  
  
(Agent Thompson jumps and lands on the truck with Morpheus and the Keymaker)  
  
Agent Thompson: Shit! That hurt! Damn! Ow! Hey you guys, if you ever have to jump off a bridge onto a moving truck, don't. I'll ruin your weekend.  
  
Morpheus: Get down.  
  
(Morpheus and Agent Thompson begin to fight)  
  
(See movie for details)  
  
(At one point, Morpheus is slid to the edge of the truck)  
  
(He looks down and sees his sword)  
  
(On the truck, Agent Thompson fixes his tie)  
  
(Morpheus jumps up and slices off Agent Thompson's tie)  
  
(Morpheus does some badass sword moves and then his bring it on gesture)  
  
(Morpheus and Agent Thompson fight)  
  
(See movie for details)  
  
(Agent Thompson hits Morpheus and he barely stands on the back of the truck)  
  
(He falls)  
  
(Morpheus lands on Niobe's car)  
  
Niobe: Got ya.  
  
(Morpheus turns around in surprise)  
  
(Neb)  
  
Link: She's good.  
  
(Matrix)  
  
(On truck)  
  
Agent Thompson: You are no longer necessary.  
  
(Keymaker sees Morpheus and Niobe and Ghost)  
  
(Keymaker moves out of the way)  
  
Keymaker: We do only what we're meant to do.  
  
Agent Thompson: Then you are meant for one more thing. Umm.you know, it rhymes with shmiletion. Umm...it's on the tip of my tongue, del, del, dude you're getting a dell, no, del, Spanish contraction, no. Ah! Deletion! You're meant for deletion!  
  
(On car)  
  
Niobe: Go kick his ass.  
  
Morpheus: No, I'm good.  
  
Niobe: Morpheus.  
  
Morpheus: Fine, I'm goin'.  
  
(Morpheus jumps onto the truck and kicks Agent Thompson into a car)  
  
Agent Thompson: (as he's falling) I regret nothing!  
  
(Truck Driver 3 turns into Agent Thompson)  
  
Truck Driver 3: Ahhh!  
  
(Agent Thompson hits Niobe's car)  
  
(Niobe and Ghost drive away)  
  
(In another truck on the other side of the freeway, Agent Johnson appears)  
  
(Agent Johns turns his truck so it going to hit the truck that Morpheus is on head on)  
  
(Cars flip)  
  
(Morpheus sees the other truck coming)  
  
Morpheus: Neo, if you're out there, I'm still pissed at you for stealing Persephone from me and I'm gonna kick your ass, but I could use some help right now.  
  
(The trucks hit in a bullet time extravaganza)  
  
(Neo picks up Morpheus and the Keymaker)  
  
(Neb)  
  
Link: Yes!!  
  
That'll Do Good  
  
Zion Man: Sir. We have confirmation from the Icarus. The first two ships are in position for the counterattack.  
  
Commander Lock: Good. Any change?  
  
Zion Woman: Looks like they hit some iron ore here, slowed them down a little.  
  
(Zion Woman points at screen)  
  
Commander Lock: How much?  
  
Zion Woman: An hour, maybe.  
  
Commander Lock: That'd give them a little over 9 hours. That really helped! We're completely saved now that the almighty iron saved us! This was really important! You just saved Zion! Yeah, an hour! That'll do good. If we wanted to die a horrible death because of giant killing machines!  
  
Zion Woman: Yes sir.  
  
(Zoom in on two digging machines being displayed on a screen)  
  
(The machines are seen like they are in the movie)  
  
Building  
  
(Ghost and Niobe enter a room with Morpheus, Neo, Trinity, Vector, Soren, and Binary in it)  
  
Morpheus: Ghost, Niobe. As you know, time is always against us. Please sit down.  
  
Niobe: There are no chairs left.  
  
Morpheus: I don't need your shit right now, um kay? So let's just all shut up and listen to Keymakin' John's speech.  
  
(The Keymaker looks at Morpheus)  
  
Keymaker: There's a building. Inside this building there's a level where no elevator can go, and no stair can reach. This level is filled with doors. These doors lead to many places, hidden places, but one door is special. One door leads to the Source. Another leads to a KFC, another to behind a girl's locker room shower. That one was last used during the filming of Porky's.  
  
Morpheus: I knew it!  
  
Keymaker: This building is protected by a very secure system. Every alarm triggers the bomb.  
  
Vector: Bomb? Did he say bomb?  
  
Morpheus: From here it sounded like he said Frito lay.  
  
(Everybody looks at Morpheus)  
  
Morpheus: What? What'd I do?  
  
Keymaker: But like all systems it has a weakness. The system is based on the rules of a building. One system built on another.  
  
Morpheus: Burning monkeys.  
  
(Neo looks at Morpheus)  
  
Neo: Morpheus, I don't think that even makes any sense.  
  
Morpheus: Ok, I'll guess again. What is it, a dollar a play? Electricity.  
  
Keymaker: If one fails, so must the other.  
  
Niobe: No electricity, no alarms.  
  
Morpheus: No alarms means I can do what I've always wanted!  
  
Niobe: What would that be?  
  
Morpheus: I'm not at liberty to say.  
  
(Morpheus shifts his eyes)  
  
Ghost: But you'd have to take out a whole city block to kill the power to a building like that.  
  
Keymaker: Not one, 27.  
  
Vector: 27 blocks?  
  
Keymaker: There is a power station. It must be destroyed.  
  
Niobe: There must be some kind of failsafe.  
  
Keymaker: Yes, there is an emergency system. The core network of the grid must be accessed. The emergency system must be deactivated.  
  
Soren: Then what do you need us for? Neo could take 'em both out easier than we could.  
  
Keymaker: There's no time.  
  
Niobe: Why?  
  
Keymaker: Once the door is unprotected, the connection will be severed. But another connection must first be made.  
  
Ghost: How long will that take?  
  
Keymaker: Exactly 314 seconds.  
  
Soren: Just over 5 minutes.  
  
Ghost: Ok, Soren, remember the meeting and the sewer meeting.  
  
Soren: Yeah?  
  
Ghost: Well, remember what I did to that other captain?  
  
Soren: Yeah?  
  
Ghost: Don't make me do that to you. Ok? No obvious comments.  
  
Soren: Ok. Keymaker, why 314 seconds?  
  
Keymaker: That is the length and breadth of the window. Only The One can open the door, and only during that window can the door be opened.  
  
Niobe: How do you know all this?  
  
Keymaker: I know because I must know. It's my purpose. It's the reason I'm here. Same reason we're all here.  
  
Morpheus: I'm here to command a hovercraft!  
  
Trinity: Morpheus, how the hell did they let you have a hovercraft anyway?  
  
Morpheus: I don't know.  
  
(Neo throws a shiny gum rapper past Morpheus)  
  
(Morpheus jumps up and follows it)  
  
(Jump Cut to the Neb)  
  
Trinity: Neo, I know something's wrong. You don't have to tell me. I just want you to know that I'm here.  
  
(Jump cut back to meeting)  
  
Keymaker: All must be done as one.  
  
(Neb)  
  
Link: Can't hurt.  
  
(Meeting)  
  
Keymaker: If one fails, all fail. If two fail, then I'll go insane and kill all of you!  
  
(Keymaker pulls out a knife)  
  
Morpheus: At midnight, there's a shift change in the security of both buildings. At midnight, we will strike. If we have time, afterward we'll all meet up at the Taco Bell on Wabash and Eire.  
  
(Guardroom)  
  
Guard 1: Hey! You count sheep at home.  
  
Guard 2: Why, I get paid to count 'em here.  
  
(On security screen, Soren, Binary, and Vector enter)  
  
(Vigilant)  
  
Jax: Okay, they're inside.  
  
Axel: How much time?  
  
Jax: 12 minutes.  
  
(Waning siren blares)  
  
Axel: Oh shit!  
  
(Phone rings)  
  
Jax: Operator.  
  
Morpheus (over phone) Yes.  
  
(Jump Cut to meeting)  
  
Morpheus: All of our lives we have fought this war. Tonight I believe we can end it. Tonight is not an accident. There are no accidents. Except when I hit that guy. Neo, Trin, you were there. Remember? We ran away. Remember?  
  
Neo: Yes.  
  
Morpheus: We have not come here by chance. I do not believe in chance when I see 3 objectives, 3 captains, 3 ships, 3 dollars on the floor. Mine!  
  
(Morpheus dives for the money)  
  
Morpheus: I also see 3 deaths if certain crewmembers of mine don't obey me. I do not see coincidence, I see providence, I see purpose. I believe it is our fate to be here. It is our destiny. I believe this night holds for each and every one of us the very meaning of our lives.  
  
(Jump cut to neb)  
  
Neo: I want to ask you to do something, but I don't know how.  
  
Trinity: I promise you, if I can, I will.  
  
Neo: What if I asked you to stay out of this, no matter what. To stay out of the matrix?  
  
Trinity: Why?  
  
Neo: Please.  
  
Trinity: All right.  
  
(Jump cut to meeting)  
  
Morpheus: What is it, Niobe?  
  
Niobe: I can't help it, Morpheus, I can't help thinking - what if you're wrong. What if all this - the prophecy, everything - is bullshit.  
  
Morpheus: Yes. No! No, it isn't. If it is then I'll kill all of ya!  
  
(Morpheus pulls out knife)  
  
(The Keymaker pulls out his knife)  
  
Keymaker: Ah!  
  
Morpheus: Ah!  
  
Keymaker: Ah!  
  
Morpheus: Ah!  
  
(Morpheus puts down his knife)  
  
(Jump cut to Niobe kicking and hitting two power plant guards)  
  
(Back to meeting)  
  
Morpheus: Then tomorrow we may all be dead, but how would that be different from any other day?  
  
(Show Sentinel preparing to release TOW bomb while Morpheus is talking)  
  
Morpheus: This is a war, and we are soldiers. Death can come for us at any time, in any place.  
  
(Vigilant)  
  
Axel: Incoming. Incoming! Incoming!  
  
(Axel breaks a catwalk and falls to his death)  
  
(The falling catwalk impales Jax and his blood splatters all over the matrix feed screen)  
  
(Jump cut back to meeting)  
  
Morpheus: Now consider the alternative. What if I am right? What if the prophecy is true? What if tomorrow the war could be over? Isn't that worth fighting for? Isn't that worth dying for?  
  
Trinity: No, not really.  
  
Morpheus: What the hell? Just, what the hell? Why do you think you are, interrupting my kick-ass monologue!  
  
(Jump Cut to Core Network Grid)  
  
Soren: Time?  
  
Vector: 3 minutes.  
  
Binary: Almost there.  
  
(Vigilant)  
  
(The TOW bomb hits the Vigilant and it explodes)  
  
(Soren, Vector, and Binary die)  
  
(On the Neb an explosion is heard)  
  
Link: Damn it Tank, I mean rats!  
  
(Matrix)  
  
(The Keymaker files a key)  
  
Keymaker: It is time.  
  
I'm Going In  
  
Trinity: Find the others.  
  
Link: Got Niobe right there, they're already out of the station.  
  
Trinity: What about Soren?  
  
Link: There, they're still inside, but...  
  
Trinity: They're not moving.  
  
(Matrix)  
  
(The Keymaker looks at his watch)  
  
(The Keymaker puts his key in the keyhole)  
  
(Switch to the power plant)  
  
(It explodes)  
  
(Power goes out)  
  
Morpheus: That's it, let's go.  
  
(Morpheus, Neo, and the Keymaker enter the door)  
  
(Neb)  
  
Trinity: Call Neo now.  
  
(Matrix)  
  
(Morpheus closes the door)  
  
(Neb)  
  
Link: Lost them. They're inside the portal.  
  
Trinity: What about the grid?  
  
(Switch to the grid control room)  
  
(Screen shows that power is being rerouted)  
  
(Switch to street)  
  
(Power goes back on)  
  
(Neb)  
  
Link: Everything's still operational. Emergency system's already rerouting power.  
  
(Morpheus, Neo, and the Keymaker travel down the hall)  
  
(Neb)  
  
Link: Jesus. As soon as they open that door, it's all over.  
  
Trinity: The hell it is.  
  
Link: What are you... Trinity?  
  
(Trinity prepares a panel)  
  
Trinity: I will not stand here and do nothing. I will not wait here to watch them die.  
  
Link: Trinity, we're talking less then 5 minutes here.  
  
Trinity: In 5 minutes, I'll tear that whole goddamn building down.  
  
(Back to hallway)  
  
Neo: How much further?  
  
Keymaker: Here, just here.  
  
Smith: I'm sorry, this is a dead end.  
  
(Neb)  
  
Link: It's gotta be the ugliest hack I have ever done. That's as close as I can get ya. You better grow some wings.  
  
(Trinity drives a motorcycle over a ledge)  
  
(The motorcycle hits the guardroom and it explodes)  
  
(Neb)  
  
Link: Operator.  
  
Trinity: I'm in.  
  
Link: Keep moving, 65th floor.  
  
Stop! It's Smith Time  
  
Agent Smith: you look surprised to see me again, Mr. Anderson, that's the difference between us. I've been expecting you.  
  
Neo: What do you want, Smith?  
  
Agent Smith: Oh you haven't figured that out? Still using all the muscles except the one that matters. I want exactly what you want. I want everything.  
  
Morpheus: Would that include a bullet from this gun?  
  
Agent Smith: Go ahead, shoot. The best thing about being me - there's so many me.  
  
(Many Smith's enter from various doors)  
  
Agent Smith: In fact, I've prepared a song!  
  
Agent Smith: Can't touch all of me. Can't touch all of me. Ju, ju, ju, ju, just like the bad guy from the matrix 2, I've got lots of me so Morpheus go ahead and shoot! I can take over an agent, even fly above the street. I can riot, loot, not give a hoot, even touch your sister's teet.  
  
Morpheus: Hey!  
  
Agent Smith: Can't touch all of me. Can't touch all of me. Stop! It's Smith time! I'm a big shot! There's no doubt! Stick my hand in an Agent and pull it out! He's me! Don't like it? Kiss my rump! Just for a minute let's all do the bump! Yeah! Do the bump! The Agent Smith Bump!  
  
(All the Agent Smiths start to do the bump)  
  
Agent Smith: I'm anti-One-ness Smith, programs think that too, don't care if you're a not free mind, I'll still take control of you. I've been around the world, from the Source to Zion's way.  
  
It's Smith, Go Smith, I'm Sir Smith, Yo Smith, let's see Mr. Anderson rap this way.  
  
Neo: All right.  
  
Neo: Can't shoot me. Can't shoot me. Ju ju ju ju just like the agent from that old rooftop, I can't be hurt by anyone, not even a janitor with a mop. I can dodge a bullet real, real slow. I can fly, I can't die, so, Morpheus, sorry to see you cry. Can't shoot me. Can't shoot me. Stop! It's Neo Time. I'm a big shot, there's no doubt! Stick my hand up and the bullets go down. Don't like it? Kiss my rump. Just for a minute lets all do the bump! Yeah! Do the Neo bump! I'm supernatural Neo, Neb's crew thinks I'm hot don't care if you're the captain, I'll still sit in your spot.  
  
Morpheus: You did that?  
  
Neo: I've been around the world from the Oracle to LA. It's Neo, go Neo, I'm Sir Neo, Yo Neo let's see Morpheus rap this way.  
  
Morpheus: No, I'm good. Oh what the hell, can't kill me! Can't kill me! Ju ju ju ju just like the guy who started this damn shit! There's no way you'll kill me, so don't throw a fit! I can shoot at an agent even get in a good quick line. You'll all die, I know why, I think he's gonna jump! Can't kill me. Can't kill me. Stop! Its Morpheus time! I'm a big shot there's no doubt! Stick my sword in the Wachowskis' car and pull it out! Don't like it? Please don't sue! Then I'll have to kill you too. Can't kill me. Can't kill me. I'm captain of the Neb, Persephone thinks I'm hot. Hold on I got a phone call.  
  
(Morpheus opens his phone)  
  
Persephone: I do not!  
  
Morpheus: Damn it! I've been around the world from Zion to the fields. It's Morpheus, go Morpheus, I'm Morpheus, Yo Morpheus, an electricity gun is what I wields.  
  
Trinity: Morpheus! You ended it before I got to do mine!  
  
Agent Smith: You did a song in the last movie.  
  
Trinity: So did you.  
  
Morpheus: What movie?  
  
(Everybody starts to fight)  
  
(See movie for details)  
  
(The Keymaker ducks into a door)  
  
(switch to grid control room)  
  
Computer Room Technician: Christ, what happened in here?  
  
(Trinity enters)  
  
Computer Room Guard: Hold it right there, little lady.  
  
(Trinity knocks out the guard and tech)  
  
(Switch back to Agent Smith fight)  
  
(Everyone continues to fight)  
  
(A few Smiths grab Morpheus)  
  
Agent Smith: If you can't beat us.  
  
Smith 2: Join us.  
  
(Smiths stick their hands into Morpheus)  
  
Neo: Morpheus!  
  
(Neo kicks off the Smiths)  
  
(Switch to control room)  
  
(Trinity types in a password)  
  
(Access Granted is shown)  
  
(Neb)  
  
Link: Still no sight of them. I don't know what they're doing, but they only got 2 minutes left.  
  
(Control room)  
  
(Trinity types is "Disable grid nodes 21-48")  
  
(Trinity presses enter)  
  
(The nodes, one by one, pop up and say "Grid Node X offline." X=number)  
  
(On the overhead it warns of a power loss)  
  
(Switch to city)  
  
(Power goes out)  
  
(Neb)  
  
Link: One minute!  
  
(Hallway)  
  
(The Keymaker pulls out of a door and looks to another door)  
  
(He walks to it)  
  
(He opens it)  
  
Woman: Ahh! What the hell are you doing in my bathroom?  
  
Keymaker: Sorry. Wrong door.  
  
(The Keymaker closes the door)  
  
(Control room)  
  
Trinity: Come on. Come on. Please.  
  
(Hallway)  
  
(The Keymaker put his key in the keyhole)  
  
(Switch to building)  
  
(Power goes out)  
  
(Hallway)  
  
(The Keymaker opens the door)  
  
(Smiths look at the Keymaker)  
  
(Neo kicks a Smith into the others)  
  
Smiths 1-8: Kill him!  
  
(All Smiths pull out their guns)  
  
(Neo grabs Morpheus and flies him through the door)  
  
(The Keymaker closes the door)  
  
(The Keymaker gets shot)  
  
(Neb)  
  
Link: They're in.  
  
(Control Room):  
  
Link I don't believe it.  
  
(Trinity sighs in relief)  
  
(Building inside)  
  
(The Keymaker turns around)  
  
Keymaker: Damn.  
  
(The Keymaker falls to the ground)  
  
Keymaker: It was meant to be. Morpheus. That door will take you home.  
  
(Keymaker points to a door)  
  
(The Keymaker pulls off a key from his neck and gives it to Neo)  
  
Keymaker: You'll know which door. Hurry, Neo.  
  
(The Keymaker dies)  
  
(Neb)  
  
Link: Trinity, I've got some serious activity heading your way.  
  
(Control room)  
  
(Trinity leaves)  
  
The Architect  
  
(Inside building)  
  
(Neo walks up to a door)  
  
(Neo puts his key in)  
  
(The door becomes made of light)  
  
(Light engulfs Neo)  
  
(Space is shown)  
  
(The image turns off, like an old TV and is exposed as that)  
  
(Neo is in a white room with two doors on opposite sides and lots of TVs with him on it)  
  
Neo: I'm on TV! Hi Mom!  
  
(The Architect is an overweight middle-aged man with a Dungeons and Dragons shirt on with mustard and ketchup stains on it. He has thick glasses and bad haircut)  
  
(The Architect is sitting in a chair)  
  
The Architect: Shut up! I am the Architect! I designed the Matrix. And although the transport process has altered your mind, you irrevocably remain human, ergo some my answers you will understand other you won't. Concurrently, even thought your first question is the most pertinent, you will see that it is also the most irrelevant.  
  
Neo: Why don't you get contacts, get a better haircut, lose some weight, and get a real life where you accomplish something?  
  
The Architect: I've accomplished something! I'm a level 42 Dragon-Master.  
  
Neo: You can put that on your resume under 'crap'.  
  
The Architect: Shut up! I am now going to do a long monologue explaining why you are here. I could just tell you what to do and then you just ask a few questions to figure out the rest, but this way, I get more camera time. Your life is the sum of a remainder of an unbalanced equation inherent to the programming of the Matrix. You are the eventuality of an anomaly, which, despite my sincerest efforts, I have been unable to eliminate from what is otherwise a harmony of mathematical precision.  
  
(The Architect pulls out a bucket of KFC)  
  
The Architect: Want some KFC? I made it myself.  
  
Neo: No.  
  
The Architect: Ok. While it remains a burden assiduously avoided, it is not unexpected, and thus not beyond a measure of control. Which has led you, inexorably... here.  
  
Neo: You haven't answered my question.  
  
The Architect: Quite right. Interesting. That was quicker than the others.  
  
TV Neo's: Others? How many others? What others? Answer my question!  
  
Architect: The Matrix is older than you know. I prefer counting from the emergence of one integral anomaly to the emergence of the next, in which case this is the 6th version. The Matrix 6.0. Here, take a free trial disk.  
  
(The Architect hand Neo a CD with the words "The Matrix Version 6.0 1500 free trial hours!" on it)  
  
Neo: Thanks.  
  
TV Neos: 5 `One's before me? 4 3 2 what are you talking about?  
  
Neo: There are only two possible explanations, either no one told me, or no one knows.  
  
The Architect: Precisely. As you are undoubtedly gathering, the anomaly is systemic - creating fluctuations in even the most simplistic equations.  
  
TV Neos: You can't control me! I'm gonna smash you to bits! I'll fuckin' kill you!  
  
Neo: Choice. The problem is choice.  
  
(Switch to Trinity)  
  
(Trinity is waiting for an elevator)  
  
(Agent Thompson steps out)  
  
Agent Thompson: Oh hi, um...this is awkward. I guess we fight now.  
  
(Trinity fights Agent Thompson see movie for details)  
  
(Trinity is knocked down)  
  
(Back to Neo)  
  
The Architect: When the matrix was first built, it was a happy land. Nobody liked this and failure struck. Thus, I redesigned it based on your history to more accurately reflect the varying grotesqueries of your nature. Again, I was struck by failure. I have since come to understand that the answer eluded me because it required a lesser mind, or perhaps a mind less bound by the parameters of perfection. Thus the answer was stumbled upon by another - an intuitive program, initially created to investigate certain aspects of the human psyche. If I am the father of the matrix, then she is definitely its mother.  
  
Neo: I know! It's that clerk at the video store on Wells and Lake, she laughed at me the other day and said I would never get it.  
  
The Architect: Let's go to the tape!  
  
(The Architect presses a button and all the screens went to the other day at the video store)  
  
Clerk: You'll never get it.  
  
(Neo turns around)  
  
Neo: Excuse me?  
  
Clerk: Not you, the guy over there who always tries to steal a DVD of The Matrix Reinstalled with Funny Capabilities  
  
Neo: (turns toward camera) Yes, that IS a good movie. The best in fact!  
  
(Neo does a thumbs up and smiles)  
  
(Back to Architect room)  
  
The Architect: She wasn't even talking to you!  
  
Neo: Oh. Um...how 'bout the Oracle then.  
  
The Architect: Sure why not. As I was saying, she stumbled upon a solution whereby nearly 99% of all test subjects accepted the program, as long as they were given a choice, even if they were only aware of the choice at a near unconscious level. While this answer functioned, it was obviously fundamentally flawed, thus creating the otherwise contradictory systemic anomaly, that if left unchecked might threaten the system itself. Ergo those that refused the program, while a minority, if unchecked, would constitute an escalating probability of disaster.  
  
Neo: This is about Zion.  
  
The Architect: The problem with the 1% was that they would unplug people who didn't need to be unplugged and would eventually overpower us. So we blew their asses up. This will be the 6th version of the matrix and the 6th time we've destroyed Zion. We've grown very proficient at doing it. You are probably wondering what you're supposed to do. You are here because Zion is about to be destroyed - its every living inhabitant terminated, its entire existence eradicated.  
  
Neo: Bullshit.  
  
TV Neos: Bullshit!  
  
The Architect: Denial is the most predictable of all human responses, but rest assured, this will be the sixth time we have destroyed it, and we have become exceedingly efficient at it.  
  
Neo: You already said that.  
  
The Architect: I'm the Architect, damn it! You listen to me. Ok? Concurrently, you shut the hell up!  
  
(Trinity)  
  
(Fight continues, see movie for details)  
  
(Neo)  
  
The Architect: The function of the One is now to return to the Source, allowing a temporary dissemination of the code you carry, reinserting the prime program. After which, you will be required to select from the Matrix 23 individuals - 16 female, 7 male - to rebuild Zion. Failure to comply with this process will result in a cataclysmic system crash, killing everyone connected to the Matrix, which, coupled with the extermination of Zion, will ultimately result in the extinction of the entire human race.  
  
Neo: You can't do that. You need humans to survive.  
  
The Architect: There are levels of survival we are prepared to accept.  
  
Neo: You're writing a check that your, um...what's the equivalent of an ass on you machines?  
  
The Architect: Fusion Output Power Overload System  
  
Neo: Ok. You're writing a check that your Fusion Output Power Overload System can't cash.  
  
The Architect: That's not important. However, the relevant issue is whether or not you are ready to accept the responsibility of the death of every human being on this world. It is interesting, reading your reactions. Your 5 predecessors were, by design, based on a similar predication - a contingent affirmation that was meant to create a profound attachment to the rest of your species, facilitating the function of the One. While the others experienced this in a very general way, your experience is far more specific - vis a vis love.  
  
Neo: Trinity.  
  
The Architect: Apropos, she entered the Matrix to save your life, at the cost of her own. You are blind. Blind to the truth that no matter what, she is going to die. You have two doors. The door on your right leads to the source and the salvation of Zion. The door on your left leads back to the matrix and her.  
  
Neo: What about that other door?  
  
The Architect: That leads upstairs. To my Mom's house.  
  
Neo: You still live with your Mom?  
  
(Neo starts laughing uncontrollably)  
  
The Architect: No! Um...I'm short on cash. No! Um...I'm visiting. No! Um...she lives with me.  
  
Architect's Mom: Francis, what are you doing down there? Are you getting hoped up??  
  
The Architect: No mom, I'm just giving the One an ultimatum.  
  
A's Mom: Don't do that! You'll go blind.  
  
(The door opens and Architect's Mom enters)  
  
A's Mom: Francis! Dinner's ready. Who's your friend?  
  
The Architect: Mom, this is Neo, he's the current One.  
  
A's Mom: Honestly, stop playing with your matrix and come eat.  
  
(A's Mom turns to Neo)  
  
A's Mom: Hi, I'm Francis's mother.  
  
The Architect: Mom, I'd wish you called me "The Architect"  
  
A's Mom: Fine, just come up for supper when you're done.  
  
(A's Mom leaves)  
  
Neo: Yeah Francis. I'm going back to the matrix now.  
  
The Architect: Hey wait! No it's the door on the right.  
  
Neo: Ok.  
  
(Neo motions towards the right door)  
  
Neo; Wait a minute!  
  
The Architect: Fine, the other door was correct.  
  
Neo: Before I go, where's your bathroom.  
  
The Architect: I believe it is the door on the right. You know, the one that leads to the source.  
  
Neo: How can it be the bathroom if it leads to the source?  
  
The Architect: It can do other things! Why shouldn't it?  
  
Neo: I'm going.  
  
(Neo walks to the left door)  
  
The Architect: Wait! You want to play Dungeons and Dragons? Or maybe Risk? Where ya going?  
  
Neo: You better hope we don't meet again. Wait. One more thing. Why did you use such strange words and complex phrases?  
  
The Architect: So people wouldn't understand and have to come see the movie again.  
  
Neo: Good idea. Ever consider a career in marketing?  
  
The Architect: No.  
  
(Neo leaves)  
  
The Architect: I'm so alone.  
  
(The Architect turns on the TV's)  
  
The Architect: Let's see who's showering in the matrix. Oh, oh yeah. All right!  
  
Trinity's Death  
  
(Neb)  
  
(Link unplugs Morpheus)  
  
Link: We have a serious situation, sir.  
  
Morpheus: Oh no. Well, too bad, let's unplug her and go home.  
  
Link: Sir?  
  
Morpheus: Fine, we'll do this the legal way.  
  
(Trinity)  
  
(Fight continues you know where to look for details)  
  
(Trinity gets thrown through a wall)  
  
(Trinity runs out and jumps through a window)  
  
(Agent Thompson follows)  
  
(Trinity shoots at the agent)  
  
(Agent Thompson shoots back)  
  
(Neo)  
  
(Neo flies out of the building which explodes)  
  
(Neb)  
  
Morpheus: What was that?  
  
Link: I don't know, sir. But whatever it is, it's moving faster than anything I've ever seen)  
  
(Neo flies through the city)  
  
(Trinity)  
  
(Trinity shoots at Agent Thompson)  
  
Agent Thompson: Wait, I just wanna be friends!  
  
(Neo)  
  
(Neo breaks glass as he passes)  
  
(Trinity)  
  
(Agent Thompson shoots Trinity)  
  
(Trinity falls)  
  
(Neo catches her a few feet above the car)  
  
(Neo flies up)  
  
(Neb)  
  
Link: Holy shit he caught her. Pay up, Morpheus.  
  
Morpheus: Damn it!  
  
(Morpheus gives Link 2 dollars)  
  
(Neo)  
  
(Neo lands on a rooftop)  
  
Trinity: Neo, I had to.  
  
Neo: I know. The bullet is still inside.  
  
(Neo pulls out the bullet)  
  
(Neb)  
  
(Morpheus injects Trinity with a syrgyne)  
  
(Link looks at Morpheus)  
  
Morpheus: That's right I'm the ship's medic too. You got a problem with that?  
  
(Neo)  
  
Morpheus: Trinity, don't you quit on me now.  
  
Trinity: I'm sorry.  
  
(Trinity dies)  
  
Neo: Trinity. Trinity, I know you can hear me. I'm not letting go. I can't. I love you too damn much.  
  
(Neo resurrects Trinity)  
  
(Trinity kisses Neo)  
  
(Neb)  
  
Morpheus: Not again!  
  
(Morpheus gives Link 3 dollars)  
  
Link: I can't take this.  
  
Morpheus: Ok, then I'll just keep my money.  
  
Link: That's not what I.  
  
Morpheus: Too late!  
  
Link: Damn it!  
  
(Matrix)  
  
Trinity: I guess that makes us even.  
  
It's a Bomb  
  
(Neb)  
  
Morpheus: I don't understand it. Everything was done as it was supposed to be done. Once The One reaches the Source, the war should be over.  
  
Neo: In 24 hours it will be.  
  
Morpheus: What?  
  
Neo: If we don't do something in 24 hours, Zion will be destroyed.  
  
Link: What?  
  
Trinity: How do you know that?  
  
Neo: I was told it would happen.  
  
Morpheus: By whom? Because if it was Lyin' Jim, don't believe anything he says.  
  
Neo: I don't think it was Lyin' Jim. But, it doesn't matter. I believed him.  
  
Morpheus: That's impossible, the prophecy tells us...  
  
Neo: It was a lie, Morpheus. The prophecy was a lie. The One was never meant to end anything. It was all another system of control.  
  
Morpheus: I don't believe that. I also don't believe that any of you can explain why there is a man tied up on our ship.  
  
Link: How do you know about that, sir?  
  
Morpheus: Well, when we get back to Zion, I was going to get one of the giant rats to sell to the trainers for the Free Mind Dog Track, and I saw this guy tied up there.  
  
Link: No sir, that's just a really ugly rat.  
  
Morpheus: Ok, but I still don't believe the prophecy is bullshit.  
  
Neo: But you said it yourself - how can the prophecy be true if the war isn't over? I'm sorry. I know it isn't easy to hear, but I swear to you it's the truth.  
  
Trinity: What are we gonna do?  
  
Neo: I don't know.  
  
(Sentinel warning siren rings)  
  
Link: Oh no.  
  
(A sentinel prepares a TOW bomb)  
  
Link: What are they doing?  
  
Trinity: They're just out of EMP range.  
  
Neo: It's a bomb. We have to get out of here. Now.  
  
(The sentinel releases the TOW bomb)  
  
(Everybody runs out of the ship)  
  
(TOW bomb continues)  
  
(More running)  
  
(The bomb turns then explodes on the ship)  
  
Morpheus: I have dreamed a dream. Now that dream has gone from me. Ah well, at least all of the evidence was destroyed.  
  
(A giant charred rat lands in front of Link)  
  
Link: Well I'll be damned, they're really were giant rats up there.  
  
(Tank emerges from some rubble)  
  
Tank: Morpheus. I'm not dead from the explosion! Help Link tried to kill me!  
  
Morpheus: Ahh! A real ghost!  
  
(Morpheus shoots Tank with his electricity gun)  
  
Neo: Morpheus, I think you killed him  
  
(Morpheus looks and sees a hole near Tank)  
  
(Morpheus pushes Tank into the hole)  
  
(Morpheus leans into the hole)  
  
Morpheus: Oh my God, he's gonna jump!  
  
(Sentinels come in)  
  
Link: Here they come.  
  
(Everybody runs)  
  
Link: Let's go, Morpheus!  
  
Neo: We won't make it.  
  
Trinity: We have to try. Come on.  
  
Neo: Something's different.  
  
Trinity: What?  
  
Neo: I can feel them.  
  
Morpheus: You sick perv!  
  
Neo: Shut up! I can.  
  
(Neo puts his hands up to stop the sentinels)  
  
(Sentinels head for Neo)  
  
(All drop down and explode)  
  
(Neo faints)  
  
Trinity: Neo!  
  
Morpheus: Quick! Somebody find a stick to poke them with!  
  
(The Hammer comes in)  
  
Link: It's the Hammer!  
  
Cliffhanger  
  
Maggie: He's in some kind of coma, but his vitals are stable. What about you?  
  
Trinity: I'm fine.  
  
Maggie: You could use some rest.  
  
Trinity: No, I'm gonna stay with him. If I want some rest, then I'll get rest. (Under breath) Dumbass.  
  
(Switch to another room)  
  
Roland: Lock was right. He guessed that the machines would cut off the mainlines in and out of Zion. He thought a counterattack might surprise them. It sounded good, we figured we had a shot, until someone screwed it up.  
  
Mauser: An EMP was triggered before we could get in position.  
  
Colt: 5 ships were instantly down.  
  
Morpheus: For once, I really didn't do it.  
  
Mauser: When the machines broke through, it wasn't a battle, it was a slaughter.  
  
Link: Was it an accident, some sort of malfunction?  
  
AK: No one knows.  
  
Roland: Someone does.  
  
Morpheus: Who?  
  
Roland: Once the machines were done with us, they started digging again. We made a quick pass to look for survivors.  
  
Link: You found one?  
  
Roland: Only one.  
  
(Camera shows Neo in his coma and then moves to show the other table Bane/Smith)  
  
(On the screen the words "To be concluded." Are shown)  
  
-To Be Concluded-  
  
Credits Fun!  
  
(You know what these are.)  
  
-I am Agent Smith-  
  
(After each Smith says something, it goes to another one in another location)  
  
Agent Smith: I am Agent Smith.  
  
Agent Smith: I am Agent Smith.  
  
Agent Smith: I am Agent Smith.  
  
Agent Smith: I am Agent Smith.  
  
Agent Smith: I am Agent Smith.  
  
Agent Smith: I am Agent Smith.  
  
(All other Smiths look on in doubt)  
  
Agent Smith: No, really, I am.  
  
Voice: Worried that the you shopping online isn't really you? Get a MasterCard.  
  
-Persephone's Answering Machine-  
  
(During this all that is shown is an answering machine)  
  
(The answering machine clicks on)  
  
Persephone: Hello. You have reached Persephone. Please leave a brief message after the beep.  
  
Voice: You have 5 new messages. Message 1.  
  
(Beep)  
  
Morpheus: Hey, Persephone, it's me. Morpheus, but I'm sure you knew that because you probably have caller ID. Anyway, I'm over the whole Neo thing, he's in a coma, so we're kinda even as long as he doesn't sue me. I can't really discuss that.  
  
Voice: Message 2:  
  
Morpheus: Hey, it's me, Morpheus, and I was just wondering if you'd like to go grabs some drinks later after I get done freeing minds for the day. We could go to Zire's or maybe Yazoos, your call.  
  
Voice: Message 3:  
  
Architect: Hello. I am the Architect. Although the phone transport has altered my mind, I, irrevocably remain program. Ergo, some of my answers you will understand, others you won't. Oh, and I want to see some more naked photos of you. Concordantly, I've got to go! My Mom's home!  
  
Voice: Message 4:  
  
Morpheus: Hey, it's Morpheus again. I just wanted to tell you that I may or may not have put up naked photos of you when you kissed Neo, um...mostly may.  
  
Voice Message 5:  
  
Morpheus: Yeah, is Hugh Janus there? To find him all you have to do is go outside and yell Hugh Janus. Oh, and Persephone, this is Morpheus, we changed the time to 8.  
  
-The Architect's True Colors-  
  
(The Architect is sitting in his chair)  
  
Architect: Hello, I am the Architect. I created the matrix. I also created two shells for myself. One shell, you've all seen ergo, I will only describe it. This is it. What I look like right down. Concurrently, I have another shell. Here it is.  
  
(The Architect turns into what he looks like in Reloaded)  
  
Architect: I only use this when I open a new KFC. Yes, not only did I create the matrix, but also I created other things. Vis a vis, KFC. I did not create the original recipe. I needed a lesser mind, or perhaps a mind less bound by perfection. If I am the father of KFC, then she is defiantly its mother. Thank you for your time. Remember, if you just sit on your ass, we can get more of your energy.  
  
-Preview-  
  
(Matt is sitting in the Architect's Chair)  
  
Matt: Hello, I am Matt. I created the matrix..parody. While the transport process has altered your mind, you irrevocably remain human. Ergo, some of my jokes you will understand, others you won't. Concurrently, you have two choices. The door on your left leads to the preview of the exciting conclusion, The Matrix: Call Tech Support and the door on your right leads to -you know what- it's also going to lead to the preview. So yeah, you have to watch it. Enjoy!  
  
(Rain falls heavily)  
  
(Neo walks down a street)  
  
(On each curbside, there are Agent Smiths)  
  
(They fill up the sides)  
  
(All except for a few are looking right at Neo)  
  
(Others have beer dispensing helmets on, are facing backwards, have "I'm with stupid" T-Shirts on, one has think glasses, one's eating a sandwich, one's listening to music)  
  
(An Agent Smith steps out of the crowd)  
  
Agent Smith: Mr. Anderson, welcome back. We missed you.  
  
Neo: Really?  
  
Agent Smith: Yes, Mr. Anderson, one of me just kept asking when Neo was going to get here. Did you have fun with Bane?  
  
Neo: No.  
  
Agent Smith: Well, that's too bad. Do you like what I've done with the place?  
  
Neo: Well, it's nice.  
  
Agent Smith: But?  
  
Neo: Well, everybody looks the same.  
  
Agent Smith: So?  
  
Neo: What about the gay people? They'll comment on how drab this place looks.  
  
Agent Smith: You seem to know a lot about gay people, Mr. Anderson.  
  
Neo: Well, this guy on the Neb was gay. He's dead now, though.  
  
Agent Smith: Ok.  
  
Neo: This ends tonight.  
  
Agent Smith: Ok. I've already seen who going to win tonight so the rest of me is just going to sit back and watch.  
  
Neo: How do you know that?  
  
Agent Smith: I can see the future.  
  
(Agent Smith drops a copy of The Matrix: Call Tech Support DVD)  
  
Neo: That's cheating.  
  
Agent Smith: Fine, ok, so it is. What are you going to do about it, Mr. Anderson?  
  
(Back to Matt in the Architect's room)  
  
(Matt is watching an episode of King of the Hill on one of the TVs)  
  
(A stick pokes him)  
  
Matt: Oh! So yeah, that's a clip from Call Tech Support. Look for it next year.  
  
(Agent Smith busts through the door)  
  
Agent Smith: Mr. Walljasper.  
  
Matt: What?  
  
Agent Smith: I've to take from you what you tried to take from me. Purpose.  
  
(Agent Smith sticks his hand in Matt)  
  
Matt: Not gonna happen.  
  
(Matt expels Agent Smith's hand)  
  
Agent Smith: How, Mr. Walljasper.  
  
Matt: Well, I created the movie, so I am the real Architect. I can change anything. In this room, I'm in charge!  
  
Agent Smith: Damn it.  
  
Matt: Hey, it's ok. If you want to convert someone, I'll bring him in.  
  
Agent Smith: Ok.  
  
Matt: Hey, Jorge, get in here.  
  
Jorge: Yeah?  
  
Agent Smith: Him?  
  
Matt: Yeah.  
  
(Agent Smith converts Jorge)  
  
Agent Smith: Smith will have profit sharing.  
  
Jorge: Damn it Matt, I'm not letting you write this part for Tech Support.  
  
(Jorge turns into Agent Smith)  
  
(Both walk away)  
  
Written and Directed by Matt Walljasper and Jorge Calderon  
  
-Cast-  
  
(In order of appearance)  
  
Guard 1  
  
Guard 2  
  
Trinity  
  
Voice  
  
Agent Thompson  
  
Neo  
  
Morpheus  
  
Link  
  
Tank  
  
Niobe  
  
Captain 1  
  
Captain 2  
  
Ghost  
  
Captain 3  
  
The Terminator  
  
Ballard  
  
Agent Smith  
  
Meeting Guard 1  
  
Meeting Guard 2  
  
Asian Guy 1  
  
Asian Guy 2  
  
Asian Guy 3  
  
Agent Johnson  
  
Agent Jackson  
  
Superman  
  
Controller  
  
Gun Operator  
  
Control Operator  
  
Worker  
  
Repair Guy  
  
Captain Mifune  
  
MP  
  
Kid  
  
Commander Lock  
  
Hamann  
  
Woman 1  
  
Woman 2  
  
Man 1  
  
Man 2  
  
Kid 1  
  
Kid 2  
  
Cas  
  
Zee  
  
Server  
  
Random Guy  
  
Matt  
  
Neighbor  
  
Bob  
  
Bane  
  
Rebel 1  
  
Bane/Smith  
  
Neighbor 2  
  
Seraph  
  
Man 3  
  
The Oracle  
  
Tin Man  
  
Council Leader  
  
Soren  
  
Host  
  
Merovingian  
  
Spoon Kid  
  
Persephone  
  
Vampire  
  
Larry Wachowski  
  
Cain  
  
Able  
  
Keymaker  
  
Andy Wachowski  
  
Henchmen (5)  
  
Cop 1  
  
Cop 2  
  
Motorist  
  
Truck Driver 1  
  
Truck Driver 2  
  
Truck Driver 3  
  
Zion Man  
  
Zion Woman  
  
Vector  
  
Jax  
  
Axel  
  
Binary  
  
Computer Room Technician  
  
Computer Room Guard  
  
The Architect  
  
TV Neo's  
  
Clerk  
  
Architect's Mother  
  
Maggie  
  
Roland  
  
Mauser  
  
Colt  
  
AK  
  
-Special Segments Cast-  
  
-I Am Agent Smith-  
  
Agent Smith  
  
-Persephone's Answering Machine-  
  
Persephone  
  
Morpheus  
  
The Architect  
  
-The Architect's True Colors-  
  
The Architect  
  
-Preview-  
  
Matt  
  
Neo  
  
Agent Smith  
  
Jorge 


	3. Call Tech Support

THE MATRIX  
CALL TECH SUPPORT  
  
WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY MATT WALLJASPER AND JORGE CALDERON  
  
(Movie opens like normal with code)  
  
I had a ship!  
  
(The Hammer: main deck)  
  
AK: I got nothing, sir. No sign of Niobe or Ghost. Nothin' but blue pills.  
  
Mauser: Should we jack in and try to contact them?  
  
Roland: It wouldn't matter. My gut says they're down.  
  
Mauser: Then we should start back.  
  
Roland: No. If that ship can still fly, then we need it.  
  
Morpheus: I've got a ship! It's big! It'll fly! I call it the Nebuchadnezzar!  
  
Roland: Morpheus, your ship got blown up. We had to rescue you. Don't you remember?  
  
Morpheus: Yeah, um.sure. But explain to Neo here.  
  
(Morpheus points to his left)  
  
Roland: Morpheus, Neo's in a coma.  
  
Morpheus: God, we're jumping the shark already?  
  
Roland: What does that even mean?  
  
Mauser: I was afraid you were gonna say that.  
  
Roland: Shut up, Umberto!  
  
(Mauser stares at Roland)  
  
Roland: Search every pipe, every hole, every crack we know. Sweep as wide as possible, as fast as possible.  
  
Janitor: Yes sir, Mr. Roland. We'll get those rats!  
  
(Janitor begins to sweep wide and fast)  
  
Roland: As for you, do the same.  
  
AK: Captain, these lines are crawling with calamari.  
  
Roland: Then the sooner we find them the better.  
  
I'm still not Agent Smith!  
  
(The Hammer: infirmary)  
  
(Maggie enters with a tray of food)  
  
Maggie: Thought you could use something to eat.  
  
Trinity: Thank you.  
  
Maggie: Any change?  
  
Trinity: No.  
  
(Trinity looks at Bane/Smith)  
  
Trinity: How's he?  
  
(Bane/Smith wakes up)  
  
Bane/Smith: I'm still not Agent Smith!  
  
(Bane/Smith faints again)  
  
Maggie: He's going to be fine, at least until he wakes up.  
  
Trinity: What do you mean?  
  
Maggie: The Captain has some questions for him. He better have some good answers. You see these cuts?  
  
(Maggie lifts Bane/Smith's arm)  
  
Maggie: I think they're self-inflicted.  
  
Trinity: Why?  
  
Maggie: You see this sign?  
  
(Maggie holds up a sign saying "I cut myself but I'm not Agent Smith signed, Agent Smith, I mean this guy's name. That will fool these non- agents.")  
  
Trinity: Why would someone do that?  
  
Maggie: VDTs, maybe. I don't know. But like I said, the answer had better be good.  
  
(The Hammer: main deck)  
  
(Morpheus runs up to Roland)  
  
Morpheus: Roland. I'd like to run another search through the Matrix.  
  
Roland: For what?  
  
Morpheus: For Neo.  
  
AK: How can he be in the Matrix, sir? He's not plugged in.  
  
Morpheus: Are you questioning my authority, Curly Joe?  
  
AK: Sir, you have no authority. Roland is my captain. He never said to acknowledge you. In fact, he said not to listen to you. He said that you're an idiot rapped in a dumb shit.  
  
Morpheus: Well, that may be but please, for me.  
  
Giant Rat Poison  
  
(The Hammer: infirmary)  
  
Maggie: This is what keeps bothering me.  
  
Trinity: What?  
  
Maggie: His neural patterns don't read like someone who's in a coma.  
  
(Maggie turns on display)  
  
(The words "NOT IN COMA" appear)  
  
Maggie: The strange thing is, I see these patterns all the time.  
  
Trinity: Where?  
  
Maggie: On someone jacked in.  
  
(Morpheus walks in)  
  
Morpheus: Hey, you fellow medical person, I'm the med tech for our ship. Can I help?  
  
(Maggie turns to Trinity)  
  
Maggie: Is this true?  
  
Trinity: Unfortunately, yes.  
  
Morpheus: What do you mean unfortunately? I injected you with the magic serum that saved your life a few hours ago.  
  
Trinity: That was rat poison!  
  
Morpheus: So? You're not a rat! And that was giant rat poison! I'm gonna go see if my damn search is done!  
  
The Magic Bullet  
  
(The Hammer: main deck)  
  
AK: The big buckish. Nada. He's not in there.  
  
(Morpheus walks in)  
  
Morpheus: Damn! Link, I owe you a buck.  
  
(Colt walks up)  
  
Colt: Sir, we've got the projections!  
  
Roland: How long?  
  
Colt: Based on the point of entry and the past speed it looks like the machines will be inside of Zion in just under 20 hours.  
  
AK: Jesus H. Christ.  
  
Roland: All right, let's move with a purpose. AK, get upstairs, I want you on holographics. Colt, Mauser, I want forward and aft guns manned at all times. And make sure we are running on as few pads as possible.  
  
Colt: Yes, sir.  
  
(Morpheus jumps up and down)  
  
Morpheus: What can I do?  
  
Roland: Um.Morpheus.  
  
(Roland pulls out a bullet from his pocket)  
  
Roland: This is the um.uh.magic bullet. It fell here. It will grant you a wish. But only if you hold it and not touch anything else. Ever.  
  
(Roland gives Morpheus a bullet)  
  
Morpheus: Didn't this kill Kennedy?  
  
Roland: No, that's the magic bullet theory.  
  
(Operator phone rings)  
  
Link: Hey. Hey! We got a call.  
  
(Link runs and answers phone)  
  
Link: Operator. (To crew) It's Seraph.  
  
(At pay phone)  
  
Seraph: I bring word from the Oracle. You must come at once.  
  
(Screen goes black as Seraph hangs up the phone)  
  
Neo and Sati  
  
(Mobil Ave. train station)  
  
(Camera fades in with Neo on the floor)  
  
(Sati is standing above him)  
  
Sati: Good morning.  
  
Neo: Who are you?  
  
Sati: My name is Sati. Your name is Neo. My papa says you're not supposed to be here. He says you must be lost. Are you lost, Neo?  
  
(Neo gets up)  
  
Neo: Where am I?  
  
Sati: So you are lost. You could have said that instead. Dumbass. This is the train station.  
  
Neo: This isn't the Matrix?  
  
Sati: That's where the Train goes. That's where we're going. But you cannot go with us.  
  
Neo: Why not?  
  
(Sati leans in and whispers)  
  
Sati: He won't let you.  
  
Neo: Who won't let me?  
  
Sati: The T-Rain-man. (Whispers) I don't like him, but my Papa says we have to do what the T-rain-man says or he will leave us here forever and ever.  
  
(Screen dissolves)  
  
Neo: Nice dissolve.  
  
Who the hell?  
  
(Oracle's apartment)  
  
(Morpheus and Trinity enter)  
  
Oracle: Morpheus, Trinity. Thank you for coming. One thing I've learned in all my years is that nothing ever works out just the way you want it to.  
  
Trinity: Who are you?  
  
Morpheus: Are you my mother?  
  
Oracle: No.  
  
Morpheus: Who the hell are you then?  
  
Oracle: I'm the Oracle. I wish there was an easier way to get through this but there ain't. I'm sorry this had to happen. I'm sorry I couldn't be sitting here like you remember me. But it wasn't meant to be.  
  
Trinity: What happened?  
  
Oracle: I made a choice, and that choice cost me more than I wanted it to.  
  
Morpheus: What choice? Was it to act on that pizza hut coupon? The three for the price of two?  
  
Oracle: Actually, that was part of it. How'd you know?  
  
Trinity: Yeah, I'd like to hear this too.  
  
Morpheus: Remember? Neo tried to get it.  
  
Trinity: That's right. (To Oracle) What was the rest of it?  
  
Oracle: To help you to guide Neo. Now, since the real test for any choice is having to make the same choice again, knowing full well what it might cost - I guess I feel pretty good about that choice, 'cause here I am, at it again.  
  
Trinity: Huh?  
  
(Morpheus is reading "Oracle for Dummies")  
  
Morpheus: Hey, there's a company called Oracle! And they have a plane! Look!  
  
(Morpheus shows Trinity the picture of the plane)  
  
Trinity: Do you know what happened to Neo?  
  
Oracle: Yes. He's trapped in a place between this world and the machine world. The link is controlled by a program called the T-Rain man. He uses it to smuggle programs in and out of the Matrix. If he finds out where Neo is before you get to him, then I'm afraid our choices are going to become difficult.  
  
Trinity: Why?  
  
Oracle: Because of who the T-rain man works for.  
  
Morpheus: The Meroving.ian.  
  
Oracle: He has placed a bounty on your lives. You must be careful at all times.  
  
Morpheus: Really? And how much is that bounty for. I'm curious.  
  
Oracle: 1,000,000 dollars each.  
  
Morpheus: Ok.  
  
Oracle: Seraph knows how to find the T-Rain man, he will go with you. For years, he has protected me. I hope he can do the same for you.  
  
(Seraph gestures to follow)  
  
Seraph: Please, follow me. But first, I must apologize.  
  
Morpheus: For what?  
  
Seraph: For this.  
  
(Seraph punches Morpheus)  
  
Morpheus: Come on! That was so uncalled for! I know you didn't just disrespect me like that yo!  
  
(All stare at Morpheus)  
  
Morpheus: What?  
  
Trinity: I must apologize for Morpheus.  
  
Seraph: For what? .Oh, never mind.  
  
Morpheus: Oracle.  
  
Oracle: I know, Morpheus. I can see you're filled with doubt, clouded by uncertainty.  
  
Morpheus: After everything that's happened, how can you expect me to believe you?  
  
Oracle: I don't. I expect just what I've always expected. For you to make up your own damn mind. Believe me or don't. All I can really tell you is your friend's in trouble and he needs your help. He needs all our help.  
  
Morpheus: Even mine?  
  
Oracle: Yes.  
  
Trinity: A lot of good that will do.  
  
Morpheus: What was that?  
  
Trinity: Nothing.  
  
Everybody Limbo!  
  
(Mobil Ave. train station)  
  
Sati: Are you from the Matrix?  
  
Neo: Yes. No. I mean, I was.  
  
Sati: Why did you leave?  
  
Neo: I had to.  
  
Sati: I had to leave my home too.  
  
Rama-Kandra: Sati! Come here, darling. Leave the poor man in peace.  
  
Sati: Yes, papa.  
  
(Sati runs to Rama-Kandra)  
  
(Neo follows)  
  
Rama-Kandra: I'm sorry, she is still very curious.  
  
Neo: I know you.  
  
Rama-Kandra: Yes, in the restaurant of the Frenchman. I mean (looks at camera) Freedom man. (Pulls out American flag and waves it) I am Rama- Kandra. This is my wife Kamala, my daughter Sati. We are most honored to meet you.  
  
Neo: You're programs.  
  
Rama-Kandra: Oh, yes. I'm the power plant systems manager for recycling operations. My wife is an interactive software programmer, she is highly creative.  
  
Neo: So you make humans eat their dead?  
  
Rama-Kandra: Basically, yes.  
  
(Neo punches Rama-Kandra)  
  
Neo: You made me eat people! You bastard!  
  
Kamala: What are you doing here? You do not belong here.  
  
Rama-Kandra: Kamala! Goodness, I apologize. My wife can be very direct.  
  
Neo: Yeah, and I can be very direct when I'm kickin' your ass for making me eat people. It's okay. I don't have an answer. I don't even know where 'here' is.  
  
Rama-Kandra: This place is nowhere. It is between your world and our world.  
  
Neo: So it's like limbo?  
  
Rama-Kandra: Yes.  
  
(Limbo Guy walks up)  
  
Limbo Guy Everybody Limbo!  
  
(Limbo Guy pulls out a limbo stick)  
  
(Everybody looks at him)  
  
Limbo Guy: You can all just limbo your way to hell!  
  
(Limbo Guy leaves)  
  
Neo: Who's the T-Rain man?  
  
Rama-Kandra: He works for the Frenchman.  
  
Neo: Why'd I know you were going to say that?  
  
Rama-Kandra: Because you're the One.  
  
Neo: You're the One!  
  
(Jet Li enters)  
  
Jet Li: I'm the One!  
  
(Neo and Jet Li point at each other)  
  
Neo and Jet Li: You!  
  
Jet Li: Gih!  
  
(Jet Li runs away)  
  
Rama-Kandra: The Frenchman does not forget and he does not forgive.  
  
Neo: Kinda like me not forgetting your job and not forgiving you for making me eat people! You know him?  
  
Rama-Kandra: I know only what I need to know. I know that if you want to take something from our world into your world that does not belong there, you must go to the Frenchman.  
  
Neo: Is that what you're doing here?  
  
Kamala: Rama, please!  
  
Rama-Kandra: I do not want to be cruel, Kamala. He may never see another face for the rest of his life.  
  
Neo: What a bitch. Oh, you're still here. I mean, I'm sorry. You don't have to answer that question.  
  
Rama-Kandra: No. I don't mind. The answer is simple. I love my daughter very much. I find her to be the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. But where we are from, that is not enough. Every program that is created must have a purpose; if it does not, it is deleted. I went to the Frenchman to save my daughter. You do not understand.  
  
Neo: I just have never...  
  
Rama-Kandra: ...heard a program speak of love?  
  
Neo: It's a... human emotion.  
  
Rama-Kandra: No, it is a word.  
  
Neo: So is cannibalism you sick bastard!  
  
(Neo kicks Rama-Kandra in the balls)  
  
(Rama-Kandra drops to the floor in pain)  
  
Rama-Kandra: (painfully) What matters is the connection the word implies. I see that you are in love. Can you tell me what you would give to hold on to that connection?  
  
Neo: Anything.  
  
Rama-Kandra: Then perhaps the reason you're here is not so different from the reason I'm here.  
  
T-Rain man  
  
(Matrix: inside a subway train)  
  
(Seraph, Morpheus, and Trinity enter a subway train and walk towards the T- Rain man)  
  
Seraph: That's him.  
  
T-rain man: Get away! Get away from me! I only have 500 hundred dollars. Definitely. 500 dollars. I'm an excellent driver. Very excellent driver.  
  
Seraph: We don't want trouble.  
  
(T-Rain man pulls out a gun)  
  
T-rain man: Get the hell away from me!  
  
Seraph: We need your help.  
  
T-rain man: I can't help you. No help. Who's on first? No one can help you! No one. Defiantly no one.  
  
(T-rain man pulls on the emergency stop)  
  
(Matrix: subway stop)  
  
(Chase through the station)  
  
(See movie)  
  
{The T-rain man prepares to jump across the tracks in the path of the LOOP train}  
  
Seraph: Oh, no.  
  
(T-rain man jumps in the path of the LOOP train)  
  
{The train passes, the T-rain man is gone}  
  
Seraph: Damn it.  
  
Morpheus: You can curse?  
  
Seraph: Yeah, why shouldn't I?  
  
Trinity: I'm with Morpheus on this one. For once. Aren't you an angel or something?  
  
Seraph: That doesn't mean I can't curse like a fuckin' sailor does it?  
  
Morpheus: Don't they produce this film?  
  
Trinity: How do you know about the film?  
  
Morpheus: I figured it out when I saw myself on a poster.  
  
You're Still A Sick Bastard  
  
(Mobil Ave. train station)  
  
Neo: When is the train due?  
  
Rama-Kandra: It's already late. It's not like the T-rain man to be late.  
  
Neo: You think it has something to do with me?  
  
Rama-Kandra: I cannot say. Who knows such things? Only the Oracle.  
  
Neo: You know the Oracle?  
  
Rama-Kandra: Everyone knows the Oracle.  
  
Neo: Fine, but you're still a sick bastard.  
  
Rama-Kandra: I consulted with her before I met with the Frenchman. She promised she would look after Sati after we said goodbye.  
  
Neo: Goodbye? You're not staying with her?  
  
Rama-Kandra: It is not possible. Our arrangement with the Frenchman was for our daughter only. My wife and I must return to our world.  
  
Neo: Why?  
  
Rama-Kandra: That is our karma.  
  
Neo: You believe in karma?  
  
Rama-Kandra: Karma's a word. Like 'love.' A way of saying 'what I am here to do.' I do not resent my karma - I'm grateful for it. Grateful for my wonderful wife, for my beautiful daughter. They are gifts. And so I do what I must do to honor them.  
  
Neo: All I know is that you're karma is for me to kick your ass!  
  
(Neo: punches Rama-Kandra in the stomach then drives his head into Neo's knee)  
  
Sati: Papa, the train!  
  
Rama-Kandra: (delirious) Yes! Find your bag, quickly! (Rama-Kandra passes out)  
  
(Neo wakes Rama-Kandra)  
  
Neo: Can I carry that for you?  
  
Rama-Kandra: All right.  
  
T-rain man: Hurry it up, I'm late! Very late. Too late. Lot's of queens.  
  
{Kamala and Sati pass, T-rain man stops Neo}  
  
T-rain man: Who are you?  
  
Rama-Kandra: He's a friend.  
  
Kamala: Rama!  
  
T-rain man: I know you. Defiantly know you. Met before. Long ago. Met you. Defiantly. Who's on first? So that's what they wanted. They wanted that. Defiantly wanted that.  
  
Neo: I need to get back. I'll pay you anything you want.  
  
T-rain man: Oh?  
  
Neo: One way or another I'm getting on this train  
  
T-rain man: Oh, no, no, no. You're gonna stay right here until the Merovingian says different. If I know him, you're gonna be here for a long, long time. Defiantly a long time. Very long.  
  
Neo: You're the worst character parody yet so I don't want to hurt you.  
  
T-rain man: You don't get it. I built this place. Built it. All me. Yes. Excellent builder. Down here I make the rules. Down here I make the threats. Down here, I'm God. Defiantly God.  
  
(Turns to Rama-Kandra)  
  
T-rain man: Get on the train, or you'll stay here with him.  
  
What has to be done?  
  
(Matrix: inside a car)  
  
Seraph: We should return to the Oracle. She'll know what to do.  
  
Trinity: No. We know what has to be done.  
  
Morpheus: Right! We'll find a new Neo! A better one! I'll make the call. This guy's name is Omega.  
  
(Morpheus picks up his cell phone)  
  
Omega: Hello?  
  
Morpheus: Hello Omega, do you know who this is?  
  
Omega: Morpheus?  
  
Morpheus: Yes. I've been looking for you. I don't know if you're ready for what I want to show.  
  
(Trinity grabs Morpheus's cell phone and throws it out the window)  
  
Morpheus: Hey!  
  
(Mobil Ave. train station)  
  
(Neo runs into the train tunnel)  
  
(Neo comes out the other entrance)  
  
Neo: Shit.  
  
Club Hell Parking Lot  
  
(Club Hell garage)  
  
(Car drives away)  
  
(Seraph walks out of the shadows)  
  
Gang Member #1: You've got to be kidding...  
  
Gang Member #2: Holy shit, it's Wingless.  
  
Morpheus: I told you you were an angel!  
  
Gang Member #1: I get it. You must be ready to die.  
  
Seraph: I need to speak with him.  
  
Gang Member #1: The only way you're getting through this door is over my big dead ass.  
  
Seraph: So be it.  
  
(All fight see movie for details)  
  
Luck  
  
(Club Hell elevator)  
  
Seraph: There are no weapons allowed in the club. At the bottom of this elevator, there is a coat check girl. And if we're lucky, one man for checking guns.  
  
Trinity: And if we're unlucky?  
  
Seraph: There will be many men.  
  
Morpheus: What if we're very lucky?  
  
Seraph: There will be no men.  
  
Morpheus: And what if our luck is so-so?  
  
Seraph: There will be a blind guy?  
  
Trinity: Don't reason with him. You're wasting your time.  
  
Morpheus: What if are luck is above average?  
  
Seraph: Ah luck!  
  
Club Hell Lobby  
  
(Club Hell entrance)  
  
(Elevator opens)  
  
Coat Check Girl: Can I take your... oh my God.  
  
(Morpheus pushes coat check girl into elevator)  
  
(Club Hell shootout see movie for details)  
  
(Henchmen try go on ceiling)  
  
Morpheus: Sorry!  
  
(Morpheus walks over to a wall and toggles a big switch that says "gravity" on it)  
  
(Henchmen go on ceiling)  
  
(Fight continues)  
  
Club Hell  
  
(Club Hell - VIP lounge)  
  
(Morpheus, Trinity, and Seraph walk with their backs facing each other in a circle spinning with guns facing out towards the staircase)  
  
(People stop and stare as they pass)  
  
Merovingian: What in the hell? (Laughs) I don't believe this.  
  
Merovingian: (to the DJ) Hey. Hey!  
  
DJ: What?  
  
Merovingian: Cut it.  
  
DJ: Ok!  
  
Morpheus: Throw down some phat old school beats yo!  
  
(Everybody looks at Morpheus)  
  
Morpheus: What? I'm just trying to get this party started old school yo. (To Merovingian: Hey Bone Marrow guy! I've come to collect the bounty! It's a million each right?  
  
Merovingian: Yes!  
  
Morpheus: Here's Trinity!  
  
Trinity: Morpheus!  
  
Morpheus: What?  
  
Merovingian: (To Seraph) The prodigal child returns. L'ange sans ailes (Trans: The angel without wings). Are you here for the bounty, Seraph? (Laughs heartily) Tell me, how many bullets are there in those guns? I don't know, but I don't think you have enough.  
  
Seraph: We only want to talk.  
  
Merovingian: Oh yes, I'm sure you do, you have fought through hell to do so, yes? I'll tell you what I'll do. Put down the guns and I will promise you safe passage out of here.  
  
Seraph: All three of us.  
  
Merovingian: Oh yes, yes. Of course.  
  
(Trinity, Seraph, and Morpheus put down the guns and are escorted up the stairs)  
  
Merovingian: (laughs) Quelle bonne surprise, n'est pas? (Trans: What a fine surprise, isn't it?) Who could've guessed we'd all be seeing each other so soon after our last meeting? A fate too kind. And since you, my little Judas, have brought them here, I can only surmise that the fortuneteller has found herself another shell? Disappointing, but not unexpected. I do hope, however, she has the good manners to learn her lesson, and to remember that there is no action without consequence. And if you take something from me you will pay the price.  
  
Seraph: You know why we are here.  
  
Merovingian: (laughs) Come, now. What kind of question is this? Of course I know. It's my business to know. Some might think this a strange coincidence, but I do not. I am curious, though, as to how it actually happened. Do you know?  
  
Trinity: No.  
  
Morpheus: I know!  
  
Merovingian: Really How?  
  
Morpheus: Well, when a man and a woman love each other very much.  
  
Trinity: Morpheus!  
  
Morpheus: What! It's true!  
  
Merovingian: No? I didn't think so. But it is always best to ask.  
  
Morpheus: We want to make a deal.  
  
Merovingian: (laughs) Always straight to business, huh, Morpheus?  
  
Morpheus: I got here this Nolan Ryan rookie card and I want your Barry Bonds rookie card. Fair deal.  
  
Merovingian: Okay. I have something you want. To make a deal, you must have something I want, yes? And it so happens there is something I want. Something I've wanted ever since I first came here. It is said they cannot be taken, they can only be given.  
  
Morpheus: What?  
  
Merovingian: The eyes of the Oracle.  
  
Morpheus: For only a Barry Bonds rookie card? No way. I don't care if he does have the record. Lopsided trade!  
  
Merovingian: Fine. I'll throw in Neo.  
  
Morpheus: Him or his card?  
  
Merovingian: Him!  
  
Morpheus: Ok.  
  
Merovingian: I have told you before, there's no escaping the nature of the universe. It is that nature that has again brought you to me. Where some see coincidence, I see consequence. Where others see chance, I see cost. Bring me the eyes of the Oracle, and I will give you back your savior.and Morpheus, you'll get you're Barry Bonds rookie card. That seems a particularly fair and reasonable deal to me. Yes, no?  
  
Trinity: I don't have time for this shit.  
  
{Hell Club upstairs fight see movie for details and gun configuration}  
  
Trinity: You want to make a deal, how about this? You give me Neo, or we all die right here, right now.  
  
Morpheus: I also get my card!  
  
Merovingian: Interesting deal. You are really ready to die for this man?  
  
Trinity: (cocks gun) Believe it.  
  
Persephone: She'll do it. If she has to, she'll kill every one of us. She's in love.  
  
Morpheus: What about me?  
  
Persephone: You're just stalking me.  
  
Morpheus: So?  
  
Merovingian: It is remarkable how similar the pattern of love is to the pattern of insanity.  
  
Trinity: Time's up. What's it gonna be, Merv?  
  
Morpheus: Oooh!  
  
Reunited  
  
(Mobil Ave train station)  
  
Neo: Ok. You got yourself into this. You can get yourself out.  
  
(Train pulls up)  
  
(Trinity gets out)  
  
(Trinity hugs Neo)  
  
(Morpheus steps out of the train with a boom box)  
  
(Morpheus sets it down and presses a button)  
  
(The song "Reunited" plays)  
  
What's That?  
  
(Matrix: inside a car)  
  
Morpheus: Are you ready for us?  
  
Link: Almost, sir. They got some pretty ancient hacks here, we're working on it. Did you find Neo?  
  
Morpheus: Can't you see him?  
  
Link: No, sir. We were reading something but I couldn't tell what it was. We do see a Barry Bonds rookie card though.  
  
Morpheus: Yeah that's mine.  
  
Link: Hold on to that sir. It'll be worth a fortune.  
  
Neo: I can't leave yet.  
  
{Trinity looks over at him}  
  
Neo: I have to see her.  
  
Trinity: Now?  
  
Neo: This is my last chance.  
  
I Knew That  
  
(Oracle's kitchen)  
  
(Sati and Oracle are making cookies)  
  
Oracle: That's it. That's the secret. You've got to use your hands.  
  
Sati: Why?  
  
Oracle: Cookies need love like everything does.  
  
(Neo walks in)  
  
Sati: Neo!  
  
Oracle: I was hoping to have these done before you got here. Oh well. Sati, honey, I think it's time for a tasting. Take the bowl to Seraph and find out if they're ready.  
  
Sati: Okay. (To Neo) I'm glad you got out.  
  
(Sati leaves with the bowl)  
  
Neo: Me too.  
  
Oracle: So, do you recognize me?  
  
Neo: No. Are you the other Oracle?  
  
Oracle: Where'd you get that from?  
  
Neo: Morpheus.  
  
Oracle: Don't listen to Morpheus. Ever.  
  
Neo: So a part of you is the Oracle?  
  
Oracle: Yeah, that's how it works. Some bits you lose, some bits you keep. I don't yet recognize my face in the mirror, but... I still love candy.  
  
(Offers Neo a piece of red candy)  
  
Neo: No, thank you.  
  
Oracle: Remember what you were like when you first walked through my door, jittery as a junebug? And now just look at you. You sure did surprise me, Neo, and you still do.  
  
Neo: I wasn't aware that junebugs were jittery. But, well, you gave me a few surprises, too.  
  
Oracle: I hope I helped.  
  
Neo: You helped me to get here, but my question is why? Where does this go? Where does it end?  
  
Oracle: I don't know.  
  
Neo: You don't know or you won't tell me?  
  
Oracle: I told you before. No one can see beyond a choice they don't understand, and I mean no one.  
  
Neo: What choice?  
  
Oracle: It doesn't matter. It's my choice. I have mine to make, same as you have yours.  
  
Neo: Does that include what things to tell me and what not to tell me?  
  
Oracle: Of course not.  
  
Neo: Then why didn't you tell me about the Architect? Why didn't you tell me about Zion, the Ones before me - why didn't you tell me the truth? Why didn't you tell me that Morpheus would kill all those people? Why didn't you tell me Morpheus had that Nolan Ryan rookie card? Maybe I wanted that!  
  
Oracle: Because it wasn't time for you to know.  
  
Neo: Who decided it wasn't time?  
  
Oracle: You know who.  
  
(She points at the Temet Nosce sign above the door)  
  
Neo: Remind me, what does that mean?  
  
Oracle: You know who.  
  
(Oracle points to the sign again)  
  
Neo: That doesn't make any sense.  
  
Oracle: You know who.  
  
Neo: Huh?  
  
Oracle: You know.  
  
Neo: God. Shut up! This is pointless so I'm just going to continue!  
  
Oracle: You know who.  
  
Neo: I did.  
  
(Oracle nods)  
  
Neo: Then I think it's time for me to know a few more things.  
  
Oracle: So do I.  
  
Neo: Tell me how I separated my mind from my body without jacking in. Tell me how I stopped four sentinels by thinking it. Tell me how they gave Morpheus command of a hovercraft in the first place. Tell me just what the hell is happening to me.  
  
Oracle: Morpheus once had the power of tactical skills. He impressed someone on the council. Give him a chance. Someday, he'll possess those skills again. He's very good at strategy.  
  
Neo: Really?  
  
Oracle: Yes. For your other question, the power of the One extends beyond this world. It reaches from here all the way back to where it came from.  
  
Neo: Where?  
  
Oracle: The Source. That's what you felt when you touched those Sentinels. But you weren't ready for it. You should be dead, but apparently you weren't ready for that, either.  
  
Neo: The Architect told me that if I didn't return to the Source, Zion would be destroyed by midnight tonight.  
  
Oracle: (rolls eyes) Please... You and I may not be able to see beyond our own choices, but that man can't see past any choices.  
  
Neo: Why not?  
  
Oracle: He doesn't understand them - he can't. He's too busy playing his lunge and drag on game, or whatever that crap is called. To him they are variables in an equation.or monsters in a dungeon. One at a time each variable must be solved and countered.or killed...with some kinda magic hippie sword. That's his purpose: to balance an equation.and to make it so no human can get passed skill level 50.  
  
Neo: Why?  
  
Oracle: Because if a human reached skill level 51, they would wake up from the matrix.  
  
Neo: What's your purpose?  
  
Oracle: To unbalance it.and to make it so not too many people play that damn role-playing game.  
  
Neo: Why?  
  
Oracle: Have you met the people that play it very seriously?  
  
Neo: No.  
  
Oracle: If too many people played it, then the human race would die out.  
  
Neo: Huh?  
  
Oracle: Go to a convention sometime. You'll see what I'm talking about.  
  
Neo: What do you want?  
  
Oracle: I want the same thing you want, Neo. And I am willing to go as far as you are to get it.  
  
Neo: The end of the war.  
  
(Oracle nods)  
  
Neo: Is it going to end?  
  
Oracle: One way, or another.  
  
Neo: Can Zion be saved?  
  
Oracle: I'm sorry, I don't have the answer to that question, but if there's an answer, there's only one place you're going to find it.  
  
Neo: Where?  
  
Oracle: You know where. And if you can't find the answer, then I'm afraid there may be no tomorrow for any of us.  
  
Neo: What does that mean?  
  
Oracle: Everything that has a beginning has an end. I see the end coming. I see the darkness spreading. I see death. I see somebody outside the window keying my car!  
  
(Oracle runs to the window)  
  
Oracle: Get away from that car. I foresee me coming down there and kicking your ass! You'd better run!  
  
(Oracle walks back to Neo)  
  
Oracle: Now where was I? Oh, And you are all that stands in his way.  
  
Neo: Smith.  
  
(Oracle nods yes)  
  
Oracle: Very soon he's going to have the power to destroy this world, but I believe he won't stop there; he can't. He won't stop until there's nothing left at all.  
  
Neo: What is he?  
  
Oracle: He's just having a temper tantrum. But he is also your opposite, your negative, the result of the equation trying to balance itself out.  
  
Neo: What if I can't stop him?  
  
Oracle: One way or another, Neo, this war is going to end. Tonight, the future of both worlds will be in your hands... or in his.or Morpheus's.  
  
Neo: Really? Morpheus?  
  
Oracle: Yeah.  
  
Neo: What happens if it's in his hands?  
  
Oracle: You don't want to know.  
  
Neo: Can I do anything about that?  
  
Oracle: Don't let him come with you.  
  
Neo: Ok.  
  
(Neo leaves)  
  
Psychic Morpheus  
  
(The core of the Hammer)  
  
(Neo is unplugged)  
  
Trinity: How are you feeling? Are you all right?  
  
Neo: I need time.  
  
(Neo walks away)  
  
Roland: That figures.  
  
Morpheus: Roland. It's ok. Neo told me everything earlier.  
  
Trinity: No he didn't.  
  
Morpheus: No, really. He did.  
  
Roland: Fine, what did he say?  
  
Morpheus: Now, I'm not a genius or anything.  
  
Trinity: That's for sure.  
  
Morpheus: Huh?  
  
Trinity: Nothing.  
  
Morpheus: Didn't think so. Anyway, Neo said that he was feeling remorse. You see, he apparently killed three people, my neighbors, in Zion, and also our former operator Tank.  
  
Link: Yeah, he also tied Tank up on top of our ship before then.  
  
Morpheus: Yeah. So he just wanted to confess.  
  
Link: Yes.  
  
Morpheus: He also wanted me to ask if we could lay down some old school beats to get this party started old school yo.  
  
Roland: Huh?  
  
Morpheus: I don't know what it means either.  
  
(Maggie enters)  
  
Maggie: Captain Roland!  
  
Roland: What's up, Maggie?  
  
Maggie: Bane, sir. He's conscious.  
  
Roland: Good. Maybe he's got some answers.  
  
Morpheus: Come on! I gave you some answers. I swear they're real. Would I lie...Don't answer that.  
  
The Third Song Scene  
  
(Oracle's kitchen)  
  
Oracle: Mmm, I love that smell. I sure am gonna miss it.  
  
(Seraph enters)  
  
Seraph: Oracle.  
  
Oracle: I know, I know. Sati, honey! Take a few cookies and go with Seraph.  
  
Sati: Can I come back? I would like to come back!  
  
Oracle: I would like that too.  
  
Sati: So I'll see you tomorrow.  
  
Oracle: I hope so, honey, I hope so.  
  
(Sati and Seraph leave)  
  
(View of Smiths entering on ground floor)  
  
(Hallway)  
  
(Seraph and Sati go to the elevator)  
  
(Elevator shuts down)  
  
(Lights go off one by one)  
  
(Seraph opens the stairs door)  
  
(Smiths are seen climbing up)  
  
(One smith trips and falls)  
  
(Others fall)  
  
Sati: I'm scared, Seraph.  
  
Seraph: Come.  
  
(Seraph goes to several doors and finds an unlocked one)  
  
(He opens it)  
  
(Seraph and Sati go into a far room)  
  
Sati: He's following us.  
  
(Agent Smith 1-6 enters)  
  
Agent Smith: Well, well, it's been a long time. I remember chasing you was like chasing a ghost.  
  
Seraph: I have beaten you before.  
  
Smith: That's true, but as you can see, things are a little different now. (To Sati) And you must be the last exile.  
  
Sati: The Oracle told me about you.  
  
Agent Smith: Really? And what did she say about me?  
  
Sati: That you're a bad man.  
  
Agent Smith: Oh, I'm not so bad once you get to know me.  
  
Sati: She also said that you have no friends and are a bigger loser than the Architect.  
  
Agent Smith: (Angry) I said, I'm not so bad once you get to know me.  
  
(Oracle's kitchen)  
  
(Smiths 1-6 and Smith/Sati enter)  
  
Smith: The great and powerful Oracle. We meet at last. I suppose you've been expecting me, right? The all-knowing Oracle is never surprised. How can she be, she knows everything. But if that's true, then why is she here? If she knew I was coming, why didn't she leave?  
  
(Agent Smith sweeps plate of cookies off table)  
  
Agent Smith: Maybe you knew I was going to do that, maybe you didn't. If you did, that means you baked those cookies and set that plate right there deliberately, purposefully. Which means you're sitting there also deliberately, purposefully. God, my head hurts.  
  
Oracle: What did you do with Sati?  
  
Smith/Sati: Cookies need love like everything does.  
  
Oracle: You need love like everything else does!  
  
(Smiths laugh)  
  
Oracle: You are a bastard.  
  
Agent Smith: You would know, Mom.  
  
Oracle: Yeah well, at least I'm not a loser! Do what you're here to do.  
  
Agent Smith: Yes, ma'am.  
  
(Agent Smith jerks hand into Oracle)  
  
(Code view)  
  
(Oracle turns into Smith)  
  
(Smith/Oracle laughs maniacally)  
  
Smith/Oracle: I feel a song coming on!  
  
(Smith/Oracle pulls out a microphone)  
  
Smith/Oracle: 1, 2, 3, go! My me's don't mess around because I love me so much, that's for sure! Uh! I just took over the Oracle so now I'm goin' right out of that door! Don't try to fight my hand because they're a lot of me right here right now! Thank God for Mr. A unlocking my powers cuz I don't know how! Uh!  
  
All other Smiths: Smi-I-I-ith! Sm-ith Smi-I-I-ith! Sm-ith Smi-I-I-ith! Sm- ith  
  
Smith/Oracle: You think you got me. Oh, you think you go me. But there's just too many damn me so you got nothing at all! It's my damn matrix! Yes, my damn matrix but my matrix's always better with conflict involved! If what he says is "It ends tonight" Then what makes, then what makes, then what makes, then what makes conflict? So why ya, why ya, why ya, why ya, why ya, why are we so in denial if the viewers know what happens here. (Sadly) Y'alll don't want me here you just wanna dance.  
  
All other Smiths: Smi-I-I-ith! Sm-ith Smi-I-I-ith!  
  
Smith/Oracle: The Architect is my daddy!  
  
All other Smiths: Sm-ith  
  
Smith/Oracle: When I golf I use a caddy!  
  
All other Smiths: Smi-I-I-ith!  
  
Smith/Oracle: It's kinda weird that now I'm my own momma!  
  
All other Smiths: Sm-ith  
  
Smith/Oracle: Earlier we had a character named Rama! Alright, Now fellas!  
  
All other Smiths: Yeah!  
  
Smith/Oracle: Now what's cooler than being Smith?  
  
All other Smiths: Ice cold!  
  
Smith/Oracle: That's doesn't make any sense! Try again! I say what's cooler than being Smith?  
  
All other Smiths: No clue!  
  
Smith/Oracle: I was looking for Oracle slash Smith! Alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright! Now ladies!  
  
All other Smiths: There's only Smiths here!  
  
Smith/Oracle: Humor me!  
  
All other Smiths: Yeah!  
  
Smith/Oracle: And we gonna break this thing down in just a few seconds. Now don't have me break this thing down for nothin' now I wanna see y'all on y'all baddest behavior Lend me suga', I am your neighbor ahh here we go! Shake it, shake, shake it, shake it (OHH OH)  
  
(All other Smiths just look on in disgust as Oracle/Smith "shakes it")  
  
Smith/Oracle: Shake it, shake it, shake, shake it, shake it, shake it, OHH OH, shake it, shake it like a Polaroid Picture, shake it, shake it Shh you got to, shake it, shh shake it, shake it, got to shake it, Shake it Suga, shake it like a Polaroid Picture  
  
All other Smiths: Smi-I-I-ith! Sm-ith Smi-I-I-ith! God, somebody help Smith! Smi-I-I-ith! Sm-ith.  
  
(Repeat until faded out)  
  
Smith/Oracle: We're gonna go platinum!  
  
Bane Interrogation  
  
(The Hammer: mess hall)  
  
(Bane/Smith hums the tune to Agent Smith's song)  
  
Bane/Smith: I really wish I could help, but I just... I don't remember any of it.  
  
Roland: What about the cuts on your arms? Those cuts are more than one day old.  
  
(Bane/Smith looks at his arms)  
  
Bane/Smith: Yeah, definitely. You're right about that, sir. They look like they might be self-inflicted. Why would I do something like that to myself? Unless, of course, I wasn't myself... but... if I'm not me, then who am I? Not Agent Smith, that's for sure.  
  
Roland: Has this man been tested for VDTs?  
  
Maggie: Yes, sir, it was negative. But he is showing a lot of unusual neural activity. Some cross-synaptic firing as well as signs of recent trauma, with fresh fibrotic scarring throughout the cortex.  
  
Morpheus: Does that mean he's dumber than me?  
  
Maggie: I'm not sure.  
  
(All get up and start to leave)  
  
(Roland goes over to Maggie)  
  
Roland: (Whispering) I want the truth, I don't care what it takes. Make him remember.  
  
Maggie: Yes sir.  
  
(Hammer: med bay)  
  
Maggie: Come on! Remember.  
  
Bane/Smith: No.  
  
Maggie: Please.  
  
Bane/Smith: No.  
  
Maggie: I'll be your friend.  
  
Bane/Smith: No.  
  
Maggie: I'll give you some money.  
  
Bane/Smith: No.  
  
That's Not the Logos!  
  
(The Hammer: main deck)  
  
(Roland enters the main deck)  
  
(Mauser comes running up)  
  
Mauser: Sir? We found her!  
  
Roland: The Logos?  
  
Mauser: Yes, sir.  
  
Roland: 'Bout time we had some goddamn good news.  
  
Morpheus: Are the thermals picking up any signs of life?  
  
AK: No, sir. Nothing yet.  
  
Morpheus: That could only mean one thing. They must have jumped and killed themselves. Why God, why?  
  
Link: Sir, you don't have to cover up for deaths you didn't cause.  
  
Morpheus: What are you implying, Mumbling Jim?  
  
Roland: What about the ship?  
  
AK: Well, holographic says the hull is still intact.  
  
Roland: Drop her down nearby.  
  
Colt: Yes, sir.  
  
Roland: Get a full diagnostic on that ship as fast as humanly possible.  
  
(Colt and AK leave)  
  
(Logos crash site)  
  
Colt: Careful, sir! The squids are sneaky bastards. Could be a trap.  
  
Morpheus: I don't think this is the Logos.  
  
Link: How can you be sure sir?  
  
Morpheus: Well, they're a lot of sentinels around. Maybe it's a rock.  
  
Link: That doesn't make any sense sir.  
  
(Link kicks a sentinel)  
  
Morpheus: No, that's defiantly not the Logos.  
  
(Noise is heard)  
  
AK: What was that?  
  
(Niobe, Ghost, and Sparks emerge from behind some debris)  
  
Niobe: You can put that shit away, boys. All she needs is a jump.  
  
Morpheus: That's not Niobe, and that's not Ghost, and that's not um.uh.what was your name again?  
  
Sparks: Sparks. We've never met.  
  
Morpheus: I'm gonna call you Tall Jack.  
  
Niobe: Morpheus.  
  
Morpheus: Niobe. It's not you, is it? Are you a ghost?  
  
AK: He's Ghost.  
  
(AK points towards Ghost)  
  
Ghost: I've been down in this ship for a while now, but I still get pissed off when somebody states the obvious!  
  
Morpheus: You need a rational way of dealing with your anger.  
  
Ghost: Like what?  
  
Morpheus: Well, um, I, for example, kill people, I mean, I have a stress ball. Yeah, a stress ball.  
  
Niobe: Morpheus. Are you all right?  
  
Morpheus: Yes, I'm fine. We didn't know what happened after. I'm sorry.  
  
Niobe: It's okay. I'm happy to see you too. Did you get Neo out?  
  
Morpheus: Yes. How did you know about that? That would mean you're psychic which would make you.a communist?!  
  
Niobe: Ah!  
  
Morpheus: Ah!  
  
Niobe: I knew because of the Oracle.  
  
Morpheus: You saw her?  
  
Niobe: Just before the sentinels found us.  
  
Morpheus: What did she tell you?  
  
Niobe: The same thing she always does. Exactly what I needed to hear.  
  
Morpheus: I'm getting pretty sick of that what you need to hear crap. I think I need to kill, I mean, use my stress ball.  
  
Still Pissing Off Lock  
  
(Zion: council room)  
  
Commander Lock: In less than 12 hours, the machines will breach the dock walls. Every simulation we've run, we've seen that once the machines are inside the city the odds of our survival decrease dramatically. Thus our primary objective must be to destroy or disable the diggers inside the dock. If we can do that, perhaps we can prevent them from ever reaching the city. If not, then as of now, I do not know what we will do.  
  
Councilor Dillard: We understand that you've requested additional volunteers.  
  
Commander Lock: That is correct.  
  
Council Leader: Precisely what size of force are you planning to commit to the primary dock objective?  
  
Commander Lock: Right now, the entire APU core and half the infantry.  
  
Councilor Dillard: Half the infantry?  
  
Commander Lock: If it were up to me, Councilor, I'd take every man, woman, and child, put a gun in their hands and march them straight into that dock.  
  
Council Leader: Perhaps it is best that it is not up to you.  
  
Commander Lock: Time will tell, Councilor. And with all due respect, why are you all always riding my ass?  
  
Councilor Jones: Haven't you figured it out? We don't like you. Never did. Don't you see my point?  
  
Council Leader: Jones just made a point!  
  
Councilor Jones: Oh God no!  
  
(Council Leader presses a button and Councilor Jones falls)  
  
Councilor Jones: No!!!!!  
  
Councilor Hamann: Commander, just one more question. Has there been word from the Nebuchadnezzar?  
  
Commander Lock: None, and at this point there's no reason to expect that there ever will be.  
  
Councilor Hamann: Perhaps. But we can hope.  
  
Commander Lock: I'm afraid hope is an indulgence I don't have time for.  
  
Councilor Hamann: You need to get a girlfriend.  
  
Commander Lock: I have one, Niobe  
  
Council Leader: Come on, we all know she is going to end up with Morpheus.  
  
Shells  
  
(Zion: Zee's and Link's home)  
  
(Instead of mixing chemicals for exploding shells, Zee is eating clams and stacking the shells)  
  
(Cas enters)  
  
Cas: Zee, what are you doing?  
  
Zee: Making shells.  
  
Cas: They're evacuating our level. We have to go.  
  
Zee: I'm not going with you.  
  
Cas: What?  
  
Zee: They've called for volunteers to hold the dock.  
  
Cas: (to the kids) Kids, you stay here. (To Zee) I know how you feel, Zee, but you can't do that.  
  
Zee: I have to.  
  
Cas: Why?  
  
Zee: Because I love him. I love him the same as he loves me. And if I were out there and he were here, I know what he'd do.  
  
Cas: But you're gonna get yourself killed. It's crazy, Zee.  
  
Zee: Maybe it is. But ask yourself, if it were Dozer, and you knew the only chance you had to see him again was to hold the dock, what would you do?  
  
Cas: Make shells.  
  
What the Shit?  
  
(Zion: dock)  
  
(Kid spills a cart full of APU ammo)  
  
(Captain Mifune walks up)  
  
Captain Mifune: What the shit is going on over here?  
  
Kid: An accident, sir! I didn't see...  
  
(Kid stands at attention)  
  
Kid: I'm sorry!  
  
Captain Mifune: Who the hell are you?  
  
Kid: I'm here to volunteer, sir.  
  
Captain Mifune: What's a pod-born pencil-neck like you doin' volunteering for my corps?  
  
Kid: I want to do my part, sir! We gotta hold the dock.  
  
Captain Mifune: How old are you, kid?  
  
Kid: Eighteen.  
  
Captain Mifune: Shoulda said sixteen, I mighta believed that!  
  
Kid: OK, I'm sixteen.  
  
Captain Mifune: Minimal age for the corps is eighteen, sixteen's too young!  
  
Kid: The machines won't care how old I am. They'll kill me just the same.  
  
Captain Mifune: Ain't that the goddamned truth.  
  
Kid: Sir?  
  
Captain Mifune: What?  
  
Kid: Why the hell did you say what the shit?  
  
Captain Mifune: I was mad.  
  
Kid: I'm sorry sir, it's just not a widely used expression.  
  
Captain Mifune: What the shit is your problem?  
  
Kid: you did it again.  
  
Captain Mifune: Damn it. Fine. Whatever. But you're still too young for the corps.  
  
Kid: Give me a chance, sir. I won't let you down.  
  
Captain Mifune: You do... you'll find me and the machines have something in common.  
  
(Captain Mifune walks away)  
  
Kid: What the shit was his problem?  
  
They Scrambled It!  
  
(Logos crash site)  
  
(Ghost plugs in a big novelty power cord similar to ones used in our homes and places of work)  
  
(Logos: main deck)  
  
Ghost (over speaker): Okay. Charge the igniter.  
  
(Sparks charges the igniter)  
  
Sparks: She lives again.  
  
(Hammer)  
  
AK: You want us to patch an uplink to reload the operations software, Sparky?  
  
(Logos)  
  
Sparks: Yeah, that'd be swell. You can clean the windshield while you're at it. Uplinks are in place, I'm bringing her back online. Looking good, except, uh... something wrong with the Matrix feed.  
  
(Hammer: main deck)  
  
AK: No, there's not. You're looking at what we're looking at.  
  
Sparks (over speaker): What the hell's going on in there?  
  
Link: Whatever it is, it can't be good.  
  
(Morpheus walks up)  
  
Morpheus: Hey! They scrambled it! No fair! We got those channels for free! Now what am I gonna do late at night while everyone is sleeping?  
  
(Everyone looks at Morpheus)  
  
Morpheus: What?  
  
Planning  
  
(Hammer: mess hall)  
  
Roland: The machines have taken Junction 21. The way I see it, if we drop down from broadcast here, at Interstate 153, we might surprise them. We go first, hammer as deep as we can, them blow our EMP. Hopefully, we can punch a hole big enough for you to get through.  
  
(Niobe sighs)  
  
Roland: It ain't pretty, but the way I see it, it's the only way back.  
  
Morpheus: Why don't we just join with the machines? Then at the last minute we get in a quick cool, dry wit line and then blow our EMP?  
  
Roland: Because that would make this an action film instead of a sci-fi film.  
  
Morpheus: Isn't that what it is already?  
  
Roland: (Reluctantly) Yes.  
  
Morpheus: So, since there are no suggestions, let's go with the cool dry with thing.  
  
Niobe: There's another way. A support line. It drops down right here. A thousand meters short of 21. If we're lucky, we may be able to slip down without them ever knowing.  
  
Roland: That's a mechanical line. It's impossible, no one can pilot mechanical.  
  
Morpheus: I can.  
  
Niobe: No, you can't.  
  
Morpheus: I have.  
  
Niobe: Morpheus. Just because there are a few wires and power cables and broken machines from ages past doesn't mean it's a mechanical line.  
  
Morpheus: Yes it does!  
  
Niobe: No, it doesn't.  
  
Morpheus: Man, why's everybody always riding my ass?  
  
Roland: So nobody can pilot the mechanical line?  
  
Niobe: I can.  
  
Roland: Bullshit.  
  
Niobe: I've done it.  
  
Morpheus: That was a long time ago, Niobe.  
  
Niobe: I said I can do it.  
  
Morpheus: So? I can get away with murder! Um.not that I ever did though.I swear I didn't kill those people! They jumped! You guys saw the police report!  
  
Roland: So what? If you can, you'll be the only one that can. There's no way we can follow you.  
  
(Neo enters)  
  
Neo: Hi. I know time is always against us, and I'm sorry I took so long. But I wanted to be sure.  
  
Trinity: Sure of what?  
  
Neo: I know what I have to do.  
  
Morpheus: What?  
  
Neo: There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just say it. I have to take one of the ships.  
  
Roland: What?  
  
Morpheus: To go where?  
  
Neo: To the machine city.  
  
(Roland laughs)  
  
Neo: I know it's difficult to understand...  
  
Roland: No, it's not - you're out of your goddamn mind.  
  
Morpheus: Like me!  
  
Neo: I still have to go.  
  
Roland: You'll never make it. In a hundred years no ship has gone within a hundred kilometers of it, you'll never make it.  
  
Morpheus: I can.  
  
Neo: What?  
  
Niobe: It's like the mechanical line Morpheus, just because there are few machines in a scrap heap doesn't mean it's a city.  
  
Morpheus: So?  
  
Neo: I have to try.  
  
Morpheus: Is this what the Oracle told you?  
  
Neo: No.  
  
Morpheus: Who told you?  
  
Neo: Nobody.  
  
Roland: Morpheus didn't tell you, did he?  
  
Neo: No.  
  
Roland: Are you sure?  
  
Neo: (hesitates) Yes.  
  
Roland: This is asinine! If you want to kill yourself, go do it, but do it without wasting one of our ships.  
  
Neo: You have to believe me, I have to go.  
  
Roland: Bullshit! While I'm captain of this ship, I say where it has to go. Believe me, this ship will go to hell long before I let you take it anywhere.  
  
Niobe: He can take mine.  
  
Roland: You can't do that.  
  
Niobe: Don't even think of trying to tell me what I can or cannot do with my ship after that little speech.  
  
Roland: But for Christ's sake, Niobe...  
  
Niobe: I'll pilot this ship. He can take mine. If we leave inside an hour, we should reach Zion as the machines do. That's as good a plan as any.  
  
Roland: It's a waste. A goddamn waste.  
  
Niobe: Two ships, two directions. Sounds like providence, doesn't it, Morpheus?  
  
Morpheus: Huh? Oh, I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention. I was distracted by that shiny thing over there. So why'd you do it? You've never believed in The One.  
  
Niobe: I still don't.  
  
Morpheus: Then why are you doing this?  
  
Niobe: I believe in him.  
  
Neo: Thank you.  
  
Smith Will Try To Suffice  
  
(The Hammer: infirmary)  
  
(Maggie injects Bane/Smith with a needle)  
  
Bane/Smith: What's that for?  
  
Maggie: To help you relax. To make it easier for you to remember.  
  
Bane/Smith: What if I don't want to remember?  
  
Maggie: Why would you want that?  
  
Bane/Smith: What if I blew that EMP? What if I did destroy those ships and I am responsible for the deaths of all those men? If I did that, it wouldn't be very safe for me here, would it?  
  
{Maggie tries to inject Bane with the relaxant, but he stabs her and she falls over dead}  
  
Bane/Smith: Of course, it might not be very safe for you, either. Smith will suffice.  
  
(Bane/Smith tries to inject his hand into Maggie)  
  
Bane/Smith: That's right, I can't do that.  
  
Getting Ready To Go  
  
(The Hammer: room)  
  
Trinity: I'm ready.  
  
Neo: Trinity... There's something I have to say. Something you need to understand. I know I'm supposed to go. But beyond that - I don't know...  
  
Trinity: I know. You don't think you're coming back. I knew it the moment you said you had to leave. I could see it in your face. Just like you knew the moment you looked at me that I was coming with you.  
  
Neo: I'm scared, Trin.  
  
Trinity: So am I. Took me ten minutes to buckle up one boot. But I'll tell you something. Six hours ago I told the Merovingian that I was ready to give anything and everything for you. Do you know what's changed in the past 6 hours?  
  
Neo: 360 minutes?  
  
Trinity: Guess again.  
  
Neo: The position of this ship?  
  
Trinity: In regards to you and me.  
  
Neo: Um.  
  
Trinity: Nothing.  
  
(Morpheus enters)  
  
Morpheus: I'm ready.  
  
Trinity: No way. No Goddamn way.  
  
Morpheus: It took me 12 minutes to buckle up one of my boots. That's why she beat me here.  
  
Neo: Morpheus.  
  
Morpheus: No, I'm going.  
  
Trinity: No, you're not.  
  
Morpheus: Fine! You know what? I'm just gonna build my own ship! Again! But this time I won't free any of you.  
  
Neo: Well if it means that much to you.  
  
Morpheus: Whoa! Hold it right there! I didn't really want to go. I was just trying to be supportive.  
  
Trinity: Morpheus, if there ever is a day where you say something intelligent or logical or anything that is strategic or tactical, then Neo and I will die.  
  
Goodbye  
  
(The Hammer: gun bay/pilot cabin)  
  
Roland (over speaker.): Are you finished loading that ammunition?  
  
Mauser: Just about, sir!  
  
Roland: Let's move it, we are out of time.  
  
Niobe: You're not leaving them anything?  
  
Roland: Said he didn't need it.  
  
(The Hammer: main deck)  
  
(Link hugs Trinity)  
  
Link: I ain't saying goodbye. I'm saying good luck.  
  
Trinity: Thank you.  
  
(Trinity moves towards Morpheus)  
  
Trinity: Remember what I said.  
  
Morpheus: I know in the last movie I predicted you and Neo would die and I just wanted to tell you good luck. And I killed those people near me after their crap. But I didn't kill you guys.  
  
Trinity: That's sweet.  
  
(Neo moves to Morpheus)  
  
Morpheus: I can only hope you know what you're doing.  
  
Neo: Me, too. It was an honor, sir.  
  
Morpheus: No, the honor's still mine.  
  
(Neo shakes Morpheus's hand)  
  
(The Hammer: pilot cabin)  
  
Mauser (over speaker): We're ready, sir.  
  
Roland: 'Bout damn time. (To Niobe) We're already late, Captain, so let's hit it and hit it hard.  
  
Niobe: Bye, baby. Take good care of them.  
  
Morpheus: Oh, I'm not going with them.  
  
Niobe: I was talking to my ship.  
  
Morpheus: God, you can't give me one moment in the sun can you?  
  
(The Hammer takes off and leaves)  
  
Why'd I Miss the Song?  
  
(The Logos: pilot cabin)  
  
Trinity: Ready?  
  
{Neo nods. Trinity punches a button and the lights go out}  
  
Trinity: Engine's still firing. Must be a fuse. I'll check it out.  
  
(Trinity goes into the fuse room)  
  
Bane/Smith: I should've known he'd sent his bitch first.  
  
Trinity: Bane?!  
  
Bane/Smith: No one ever got away from me as many times as you did. Every single time I thought it was the last. Every time I was sure we had you, but somehow you'd slip through our fingers. I really can't express just how aggravating that can be. Almost as bad as being stuck in this body and missing the rest of me's musical number.  
  
Trinity: What are you talking about?  
  
Bane/Smith: We had a musical number a few scenes back. It was a parody of Outkast's Hey Ya.  
  
Trinity: No, about the other thing.  
  
Bane/Smith: I think I might enjoy killing you as much as killing him.  
  
(Trinity runs to the intercom)  
  
Trinity: Neo! It's Bane, he's psychotic!  
  
Bane/Smith: You're gonna pay for that.  
  
Morpheus Didn't Do It!  
  
(Hammer: pilot cabin)  
  
Ghost: Twenty-seven kilometers to go.  
  
AK (over speaker): Captain, we've got an emergency down here.  
  
Roland: What is it, AK?  
  
AK: It's Maggie, sir. She's dead. Murdered. I think it was Morpheus...  
  
Morpheus: Nope wasn't me this time.  
  
Link: Or me.  
  
Morpheus: If it was me you'd never know. I'd of covered it up. I would of made it look like a suicide and nobody would ever know. Not that I have though.  
  
Link: If it was me, I'd of just tied her up to the roof of the ship and dismissed her kicking the ship as giant mice.  
  
Morpheus: You said rats before.  
  
Link: Right, rats. Giant rats.  
  
AK: Maybe it was Bane.  
  
Roland: Goddamn it.  
  
(Hammer: main deck)  
  
Roland: I knew it. I knew he was out of his goddamn mind. He fired that EMP. Goddamn it, I should have beaten it out of him.  
  
(Colt and AK enter)  
  
Colt: We've searched the whole ship, captain. He ain't here.  
  
Roland: I know where he is.  
  
Morpheus: The Nebuchadnezzar. No, that got blown up. What was that other ship? The Keymakin' John? The Mumbling Jim? The Tall Jack?  
  
Sparks: No that's what you named me.  
  
Morpheus: Quiet Neo!  
  
Link: We gotta go back!  
  
Roland: Too late.  
  
Link: You don't know that, what if they need our help?  
  
Roland: It's too dangerous.  
  
Link: Why?  
  
Roland: Because if he's killed them, he'll control another EMP. At this point, they're on their own... just like us.  
  
This Time I Really Am Agent Smith!  
  
(Logos: main deck)  
  
(Bane/Smith is holding a knife to Trinity's neck)  
  
(Neo enters with an electricity gun)  
  
Bane/Smith: Mr. Anderson. I see you're as predictable in this world as you are in the other.  
  
Neo: What?  
  
Trinity: He's out of his mind.  
  
Bane/Smith: It might appear that way to you, but Mr. Anderson and I know that appearances can be deceiving. Confused, Mr. Anderson? It'll all become clear in a moment. Now, thank you for bringing me the gun. You can set it down right there.  
  
Trinity: Don't do it. Shoot. Shoot now.  
  
Bane/Smith: Yes, shoot, fry us, burn us alive!  
  
Trinity: Shoot, Neo. If you don't, he'll kill us both.  
  
Bane/Smith: Look at him. He knows he should do it but he won't. He can't.  
  
Trinity: Do it.  
  
{Neo puts the gun down}  
  
Bane/Smith: Back away from the gun and turn around.  
  
(Neo does)  
  
Neo: Let her go.  
  
(Bane/Smith pushes Trinity into a hatch and closes it)  
  
(Neo and Bane/Smith run towards the gun)  
  
(Bane grabs the gun and points it at Neo's face)  
  
Bane/Smith: Somehow familiar, isn't it? We've been here before, you and I. Remember? I do. I think of nothing else.  
  
Neo: Who are you?  
  
Bane/Smith: Still don't recognize me? I admit, it is difficult to think, encased in this rotting piece of meat. The stink of it filling every breath, a suffocating cloud you can't escape.  
  
(Bane/Smith spits blood)  
  
Bane/Smith: Disgusting! Look at how pathetically fragile it is. Nothing this weak is meant to survive.  
  
Neo: What do you want?  
  
Bane/Smith: I want what you want.  
  
Neo: You sure as hell won't get her!  
  
Bane/Smith: No. I want something else. It rhymes with shmorld smestruction.  
  
Neo: Wait. I know who always gives riddles to what he wants then uses shm in them. It all makes sense now.  
  
(Jump cut to back in Zion when Neo and co and leaving right before Kid gives Neo the spoon)  
  
Bane/Smith: No, I'm fine. I just wanted to catch you to say good luck.  
  
Neo: Thanks.  
  
Bane/Smith: Well see you, Mr. Anderson I mean Neo, I mean, I'm not Agent Smith!  
  
(Back to present)  
  
{Neo looks up with recognition in his eyes}  
  
Bane/Smith: Yes... That's it, Mr. Anderson. Look past the flesh, look through the soft gelatin of these dull cow eyes and see your enemy.  
  
Neo: No.  
  
Bane/Smith: Oh yes, Mr. Anderson.  
  
Neo: It can't be.  
  
Bane/Smith: There's nowhere I can't go, there's nowhere I won't find you.  
  
Neo: How can that damn spoon kid take over you and come here!  
  
Bane/Smith: Try again. I'll give you another clue. Let's try a different flashback.  
  
Neo: Ok.  
  
(Jump cut to a child playing with a pail in a sandbox)  
  
(A similar aged kid dressed as an agent walks up and takes the pail)  
  
Young Agent Smith: Ha! I've got your pail Mr. Anderson. It was inevitable.  
  
Young Neo: You're mean! Wah!  
  
(Begins to cry)  
  
(Back to present)  
  
Neo: You! You took me pail! I was five years old! That was my pail! That memory has haunted me for my entire life! I know who you are but.it's impossible . Bane/Smith: Not impossible. Inevitable. Goodbye, Mr. Anderson.  
  
(Switch to Trinity in lower room)  
  
Trinity: This is it, it's gotta be.  
  
(She pushes a circuit breaker, the lights go out)  
  
{Bane/Smith and Neo fight}  
  
(Bane/Smith grabs a live wire and sticks it in Neo's eyes)  
  
(Neo screams)  
  
(Trinity)  
  
Trinity: Oh, no.  
  
(Top Breaker room)  
  
(Neo stumbles around blind)  
  
(Bane/Smith stays a few feet ahead of him)  
  
Bane/Smith: I wish you could see yourself, Mr. Anderson. The blind messiah. You're a symbol for all of your kind, Mr. Anderson. Helpless, pathetic. Just waiting to be put out of your misery.  
  
(Bane/Smith swings a metal bar at Neo)  
  
(Neo dodges)  
  
Neo: I can see you.  
  
(Neo is facing a wall)  
  
(Smith is to Neo's left)  
  
(Neo grabs the bar)  
  
Bane/Smith: I'm over here.  
  
Neo: Oh.  
  
(Neo turns)  
  
(Orange View)  
  
Bane/Smith: It's not over, Mr. Anderson. It's not over.  
  
(Flaming Smith Head disappears)  
  
Neo: Trinity!  
  
(Trinity climbs up to Neo)  
  
Trinity: Neo. Oh no. Your eyes.  
  
Neo: I'll be okay. It's all right, Trin. But I think you're gonna have to drive.  
  
Calm Before the Storm  
  
(Zion: command center)  
  
Lock's Lieutenant: Seismic's projecting twenty-two minutes to breach.  
  
Commander Lock: They can't know we don't have an EMP, they'll have to attack in waves. Concentrate our offense on the diggers. Order the APUs into position.  
  
Lock's Lieutenant: Yes, sir.  
  
(Zion: dock)  
  
Captain Mifune: All right, this is it. Now, you all know me, so I'll just say this as simple as I can. If it's our time to die, it's our time. All I ask is: if we have to give these bastards our lives, we give 'em hell before we do!  
  
(APU fighters cheer)  
  
APU Fighter 1: Sir! Look! One of the machines is at the dock!  
  
Captain Mifune: That's impossible. What the shit? Just...just.what the shit?  
  
(The Terminator breaks through the roof and falls to the APU's)  
  
Terminator: Wahahah!  
  
Captain Mifune: What the shity shit is that piece of shitin' shit?  
  
Terminator: I am a machine! Must kill Mifune.Connor!  
  
(Captain Mifune gets out of his APU and pushes the Terminator over the ledge)  
  
Terminator: I'll be back!!!!!!  
  
(Zion: a tunnel)  
  
Zee: You scared, Charra?  
  
Charra: Shit, yeah. I'll make you a deal, though. You keep loadin', I keep shootin'.  
  
Zee: Deal.  
  
Cheese it!  
  
(Hammer: pilot cabin)  
  
AK: Holy Christ would you look at that?  
  
Roland: Quiet. How far down?  
  
Ghost: 1.4 kilometers.  
  
Morpheus: Still generating too hot field.  
  
Roland: We wouldn't be if you turned off that hot plate!  
  
Morpheus: I was making this popcorn for everyone, but now you can't have any!  
  
(Roland unplugs the hot plate)  
  
Niobe: Ghost, kill all auxiliary systems. Give me full manual, drop down to four pads.  
  
AK: It'll bottom out!  
  
Niobe: Easy, baby.  
  
Ghost: 700 meters.  
  
Niobe: If we can just get close enough.  
  
Ghost: 600 meters.  
  
AK: There.  
  
(AK points to a hole)  
  
(Hammer scrapes a metal shard)  
  
Morpheus: We've hit an iceberg! Abandon ship! Me first!  
  
Niobe: Shit!  
  
(Sentinels begin to chase)  
  
Ghost: Jig's up, here they come.  
  
Morpheus: Cheese it!  
  
Niobe: Give me full power, full systems!  
  
Roland: Man the gun turrets, every goddamn one of 'em!  
  
Niobe: Ghost, you're the best gunner we have, go with them. Morpheus, take his place!  
  
Morpheus: Ok.  
  
Niobe: I meant Roland! You'll screw me up!  
  
Morpheus: Too late.  
  
Link: I'm comin', baby.  
  
Morpheus: Here they come.  
  
Roland (over speaker): Slow down, this ain't the Logos!  
  
Niobe: Hold on to your lunch, Roland, here we go.  
  
(Hammer flips over into hole)  
  
Roland: Holy Christ! Didn't know this ship could do that.  
  
Breached!  
  
(Digging machine breaks through)  
  
(Zion: command center)  
  
Operations Officer: Breached! The dock is breached!  
  
(Zion: dock)  
  
Mifune: Knuckle up!  
  
(APU's "knuckle up")  
  
(The sentinels start coming through the breach)  
  
(Battle begins)  
  
Mifune: For Zion!  
  
(Battle continues)  
  
Mifune: Knuckle up!  
  
APU-9 Soldier: Reload!  
  
(Zion: ammo compartment)  
  
Radio Bunker Man: Reload Nine!  
  
(Ammo Guy 1 and Gunners 1 and 2 leave)  
  
{Sentinel is shot down by the gunners in the ammo compartment}  
  
Radio Bunker Man: Go, go, move, move!  
  
Kid: Hey. I've got a question?  
  
Radio Bunker Man: What?  
  
Kid: When you say to reload an APU and give a number, how do we know which one out there is that number?  
  
Ammo Guy 2: He's right. They don't have any I.D. or anything.  
  
Radio Bunker Man: Just go to the one that's not shooting.  
  
Ammo Guy 2: What if several of them are not shooting?  
  
Mifune: Watch the left! Don't let 'em through!  
  
(One of the APUs falls from the bridge)  
  
Mifune: Zuka!  
  
APU-2 Soldier: Who's Zuka?  
  
(Battle continues)  
  
(A huge sentinel swarm moves towards the tower)  
  
Tower Soldier: Oh my God.  
  
(Sentinels swarm the tower, knocking down the tower gun)  
  
(Zion: dock periphery)  
  
(Charra and Zee run to ledge)  
  
(Zee loads two shells into Charra's gun)  
  
(Charra fires into a digging machine)  
  
Charra: Shit.  
  
NOT ENDORSED BY STARBUCKS  
  
(Zion: command center)  
  
Commander Lock: Where the hell's my infantry? I want that goddamn machine taken down! And where's my goddamn drink?  
  
(The words "NOT ENDORSED BY STARBUCKS" flash on and off on the screen)  
  
Starbucks Guy: Right here, sir! Starbucks! That's right the warm refreshing taste of Starbucks in the morning is just what you need to get up and go.  
  
Commander Lock: Great for when the world is overwhelming you and you need to take the stress down a notch. And with all of the convenient locations, there's one near you.  
  
Starbucks Guy: Hey, if we can get Starbucks coffee in the middle of the battle for Zion, then you've got one near you.  
  
(Battle Report Guy walks up)  
  
Battle Report Guy: Sir, here's the report.what's with these words flashing down on the screen?  
  
Commander Lock: Nothing. Somebody just got free advertising.  
  
Starbucks Guy: They should pay.  
  
(The words stop flashing on the screen)  
  
Voice Over: Make checks payable to Matt Walljasper.  
  
Commander Lock: What the hell was that?  
  
I Regret Nothing!  
  
(Zion: dock periphery)  
  
(Zee loads two rockets into Charra's gun)  
  
Charra: Take this!  
  
(Charra shoots)  
  
(rockets hit machine in a leg)  
  
(Machine begins to fall)  
  
Digging Machine: I regret nothing!  
  
Zee: Oh shit!  
  
(digging machine falls down)  
  
(Zion: command center)  
  
Military Personnel: Yeah!  
  
Operations Officer: 72 at the breach point.  
  
Commander Lock: Goddamn it!  
  
(Digging Machine falls into dock)  
  
I Liked That Song!  
  
(Hammer)  
  
(Hammer hits a wall)  
  
Niobe: Shit, she's got a fat ass.  
  
(Sentinels swarm over the hoverpads of The Hammer)  
  
Niobe: Keep 'em off me!  
  
Roland: Goddamn, there's a shitload of 'em.  
  
Mauser: Captain! Do you see that?  
  
Roland: They're going for the radio, stop 'em!  
  
(Sentinels take out radio)  
  
Roland: Shit.  
  
Morpheus: Yes. I mean no. Hey! They took out the radio! My favorite song was on! Those bastards! I kill 'em all!  
  
Niobe: Morpheus, Help me pilot! The radio isn't that kind of radio!  
  
Morpheus: Are.are you sure?  
  
I Think She's Dead  
  
(Zion: dock periphery)  
  
Charra: Yeah.  
  
(Charra positions herself on the edge)  
  
Charra: Grab my belt.  
  
(Zee grabs her belt and Charra hangs over the precipice)  
  
Charra: Just give me one clean shot.  
  
(Charra shoots, but fails to find her intended mark)  
  
Charra: Shit.  
  
(Sentinels swarm in)  
  
(Sentinels try to stab Zee and Charra)  
  
(Sentinel stabs Charra)  
  
Zee: Charra!  
  
(Soldier enters)  
  
Soldier: (whispers) I think she's dead.  
  
The Hammer  
  
(Zion: command center)  
  
First Operator at Command: Commander Lock, I've got incoming!  
  
Commander Lock: I got a dock load of incoming!  
  
First Operator at Command: Sir, yes, sir, but this is different, sir.  
  
Commander Lock: What?  
  
First Operator at Command: I think it's one of ours.  
  
Lock's Lieutenant: The holographics are trying to confirm, sir.  
  
Commander Lock: Contact them, I want access codes.  
  
Lock's Lieutenant: We're trying, sir, there's no response.  
  
Commander Lock: It's a trick. That's not one of ours, it can't be. That's a mechanical line. No one can pilot mechanical.  
  
(The Hammer: pilot cabin)  
  
Niobe: Fore and aft - 30 degrees, 80 percent!  
  
Morpheus: For my ass - 30 bees, 8 cups of tea with 8.25% sales tax.  
  
Niobe: What the hell? Fore starboard, 60 degrees, 20 percent.  
  
Morpheus: That's right! For Starbucks! 60 dollars for a cup!  
  
Niobe: Come on, keep up!  
  
Morpheus: I'm trying! You try doing this. It isn't easy.  
  
(Zion: command center)  
  
Operations Officer: Sir, holographic confirms. It's the Hammer, sir. Here it is.  
  
(Repair Guy walks up with a hammer)  
  
Repair Guy: Here's that hammer you wanted.  
  
Operations Officer: Sir, we've got that other thing we were tracking sir! It's the Hammer.the ship.not the tool.  
  
Commander Lock: How can that be?  
  
Operations Officer: We named the ship the hammer. You know like a war hammer. Which is a tool, but I guess the ship is a tool of war. But, the ship is under attack, sustaining heavy damage. But at its present velocity, it'll reach Gate 3 in twelve minutes.  
  
Lock's Lieutenant: Sir, their EMP could take out every sentinel up there.  
  
Commander Lock: It'd take out more than that. It'd wipe out our entire defense system. We blow an EMP in there, we will lose the dock!  
  
Lock's Lieutenant: Sir, we've already lost the dock.  
  
Commander Lock: Open the gate.  
  
Lock's Lieutenant: Sir, we don't need to do that. It's coming into gate three. That gates not closed. There's just a big tarp over it. Remember?  
  
Commander Lock: That's right. Open the tarp.  
  
Zion Gate Operator: The tarp's not responding! It's taken critical damage, sir! We've lost control! We can't open the tarp!  
  
(The Hammer: pilot cabin)  
  
Morpheus: There's the exit.  
  
Niobe: On my mark, give me full power, 90 degrees, lower left starboard.  
  
Morpheus: Null your power, 90 greenbacks.  
  
Niobe: Now!  
  
(She guides the ship out of the mechanical line)  
  
Niobe: Hold on, baby.  
  
Roland: Goddamn, woman, you can drive.  
  
Niobe: We ain't home yet. What about the gate?  
  
Morpheus: The sentinels are inside the dock. And the tarp's still up.  
  
Niobe: Are we too late?  
  
Morpheus: Not for that cool dry wit plan.it would work if Zion wasn't there. In fact, it would be more dramatic.  
  
Niobe: Shut it, Morpheus!  
  
The Tarp Must Be Destroyed!  
  
(Zion: command center)  
  
Commander Lock: How many APUs are operational?  
  
Lock's Lieutenant: Thirteen, sir.  
  
Commander Lock: Get me the one closest to Gate 3's tarp.  
  
(Zion: dock)  
  
Captain Mifune: (screams) Reload!  
  
(Zion: ammo compartment)  
  
Radio Bunker Man: It's pissin' metal.  
  
Kid: that was very random. You know that, right?  
  
(Kid gets the ammo cart rolling toward the door)  
  
Radio Bunker Man: Go!  
  
(Kid and Gunners 3 and 4 run out of the bunker)  
  
(Zion: dock)  
  
Mifune: Heads up, they're comin' down!  
  
(Kid's gunners die)  
  
(Kid looks around)  
  
(Three APUs are not shooting)  
  
Kid: Damn it! I knew this would happen!  
  
Captain Mifune: Over here!  
  
(Kid comes up to Captain Mifune's APU)  
  
(Kid begins to load the ammo)  
  
Captain Mifune: Behind you!  
  
(Mifune shoots some Sentinels)  
  
(Ammo spills)  
  
(The box loaded into the APU is jammed)  
  
Kid: It's jammed!  
  
Captain Mifune: Forget it, kid! Get outta here!  
  
(Kid un-jamms the ammo box)  
  
Kid: Got it!  
  
(An unnecessarily large swarm of sentinels flies through Captain Mifune's APU)  
  
Kid: Captain Mifune! Oh, no.  
  
Mifune: (dying) ...coming. They're coming. The Hammer.  
  
Kid: What?  
  
Captain Mifune: (non dying, perfectly healthy, and angry) I said the Hammer is coming! What the shit is your problem? (dying) You have to open that gate. Cut the counterweights. Then the tarp will fall. You can do it. Hurry. There's no time.  
  
Kid: Captain. I didn't finish the training program.  
  
Captain Mifune: Neither did I. What.the.shit.  
  
(Captain Mifune dies)  
  
(The Hammer: turret)  
  
(Turret begins to misfire in the ship)  
  
Roland: Shut that down!  
  
AK: Kill the feeder!  
  
Roland: We can't make it! We gotta blow the EMP now!  
  
Niobe: We can't!  
  
Morpheus: Think of the bullet! That magic bullet! I never used my wish! I'll use it know! I wish for.I wish for.  
  
Roland: This is it! Morpheus is gonna save us with his wish!  
  
Morpheus: I wish for.a dollar!  
  
(Nothing happens)  
  
Morpheus: Damn it Roland, you lied about the bullet!  
  
Roland: Oh yeah, that's right.I forgot about that.  
  
(Zion: dock)  
  
Kid: Keep the weight forward. Light as a feather. Light as a feather.  
  
(Kid maneuvers the APU toward Gate 3, the sentinels notice him and go in to attack)  
  
(Zion: command center)  
  
Lock's Lieutenant: Commander, holographic reports Captain Mifune's APU is up and moving to Gate 3!  
  
(Zion: Gate 3)  
  
Kid: Don't over squeeze the trigger...  
  
(Zion: command center)  
  
Lock's Lieutenant: Captain Mifune's APU's just reached Gate 3!  
  
Commander Lock: How much time?  
  
Operations Officer: Two minutes to impact!  
  
Commander Lock: Captain Mifune, do you copy?  
  
Lock's Lieutenant: His radio is down, sir.  
  
Commander Lock: Mifune, this is Lock. I don't know if you can hear me but if you can...  
  
(Hammer)  
  
(Morpheus hears the broadcast)  
  
Morpheus: Well this sucks, what else is on?  
  
Niobe: Where'd you get that radio?  
  
Morpheus: I don't know. But I didn't kill the owner of it and drop his body into the water-recycling machine.  
  
(Zion: a tunnel)  
  
(Zee hears the radio)  
  
Lock (over radio): ...the Hammer is two minutes away. You've got two minutes, Captain, to get that tarp down.  
  
Zee: Link!  
  
(Zee runs away)  
  
(Hammer: turret)  
  
Roland: Get to the main deck! Charge the EMP!  
  
(Zion: Gate 3)  
  
(Kid's APU falls from sentinel fire)  
  
(Sentinel closes in for the kill)  
  
(Zee shoots it)  
  
Zee: Do it, Kid.  
  
Kid: Neo. You're a jackass. There, I said it. But still, I believe.  
  
(Kid shoots the counterweights and the tarp falls)  
  
(Hammer: pilot cabin)  
  
Niobe: Yes!  
  
Morpheus: Can we make it?  
  
Niobe: We ain't come this far.  
  
Link: Almost home.. Almost home...  
  
(Ship crashes into tarp and drags it forwards until it comes to a stop in the dock)  
  
Morpheus: Burn it, Link!  
  
(Link burns a piece of paper)  
  
Niobe: What was that?  
  
Morpheus: If we didn't make it, it was a confession. From Link and me.  
  
Niobe: Whatever. Link! Burn the EMP!  
  
(EMP fires)  
  
(sentinels fall out of the sky and fall from the digging machines' holes)  
  
(Zion: command center)  
  
(Military personnel cheer)  
  
(Hammer: pilot cabin)  
  
Morpheus: You did it.  
  
Niobe: No. We did it.  
  
Morpheus: You're a hell of a pilot.  
  
Niobe: Some things in this world never change.  
  
Morpheus: But some things do?  
  
Niobe: Luckily, some things do.  
  
Morpheus: Yes.  
  
Niobe: I thought you only did that when people cursed.  
  
Morpheus: Yes. I've hardly done it at all today. Yes. I'm just making up for lost time.  
  
(Zion: dock)  
  
(Hammer door opens)  
  
(Zion crowd cheer)  
  
(All exit)  
  
Zee: Link!  
  
Link: Zee?  
  
(Zee and Link run to each other)  
  
Zee: Link!  
  
Link: Zee!!!  
  
Zee: I knew you'd come. I knew it.  
  
Link: I made a promise.  
  
Zee: You did wear it.  
  
Link: Are you kidding? I'm never gonna take it off!  
  
Mmmm.platter.  
  
(Zion: personnel gate)  
  
(Hammer crew, Remaining Neb crew, and Logos crew exit elevator)  
  
Commander Lock: Three captains, one ship. I assume the other ships were lost under equally pointless circumstances?  
  
Niobe: Good to see you too, Jason.  
  
Commander Lock: Council's waiting to hear an explanation. You'll forgive me for not attending, but I have to try to salvage this debacle.  
  
Morpheus: That's a funny word. Debacle.  
  
Roland: Did I miss something, Commander? I thought we just saved the dock.  
  
Commander Lock: That's the problem with you people. You can't think for five minutes in front of your face.  
  
Roland: Sir, I believe some of us can think less ahead than that.  
  
(show Morpheus picking his ear)  
  
Commander Lock: That EMP knocked out almost every piece of hardware and every APU. If I were the machines, I would send every Sentinel I had here right now. Saved the dock, captain? You've just handed it to them on a silver platter.  
  
Morpheus: I want some platter! I like platter!  
  
(Zion: dock)  
  
Work Leader: Come on, get it cut!  
  
Worker 1: The bridge is clear.  
  
Worker 2: You hear that?  
  
(Sentinels enter through Gate 3)  
  
You Suck Ass!  
  
(Zion: command center)  
  
Commander Lock: Get that cable cut! I want that system back online.  
  
(Lock's Lieutenant walks up)  
  
Lock's Lieutenant: Commander, it's the dock. We've got incoming.  
  
Commander Lock: Order everyone to fall back. Seal the shaft. Now.  
  
(Zion: dock)  
  
Worker 1: Move it!  
  
(Zion: control center)  
  
Work Leader: All clear.  
  
Commander Lock: Do it.  
  
(the shaft is sealed, and he looks up)  
  
Commander Lock: Your move.  
  
(Morpheus enters)  
  
Morpheus: Oh come on! He gets to do the cool dry wit but I don't? That sucks ass!  
  
(Morpheus points to Work Leader)  
  
Morpheus: You suck ass!  
  
The Lord of the Matrix's Rings  
  
(Zion: small room)  
  
Councilor Dillard: So you gave them your ship?  
  
Niobe: That is correct, Councilor, I did.  
  
Council Leader: Knowing what he planned to do with it?  
  
(Niobe nods)  
  
Councilor Hamann: And the Oracle said nothing of this?  
  
Niobe: She told me Neo would need my help, and when the time came I would choose to help him or not.  
  
Council Leader: But what hope can a single vessel have against the armies of Mordor?  
  
(Everyone looks at Council Leader)  
  
Council Leader: What? Oh wrong movie! Damn it! You guys know what I'm talking about. The machine city thing.you know.the one place where the ring can be destroyed.  
  
(Everyone looks at Council Leader)  
  
Council Leader: Did I do it again? Fine the machine city.  
  
Roland: None, it's completely impossible, but he wouldn't listen. He wouldn't even take any ammunition. He was totally out of his goddamn mind.  
  
Morpheus: No, he wasn't. Neo is doing what he believes he must do. I don't know if what he's doing is right, and I don't know if he'll reach the machine city. And if he does, I don't know what he can do to save us. I also don't know where my baseball card is. And I don't know who shot Kennedy. But I do know that as long as there's a single breath in his body, he will not give up. And neither can we. But as I have said before, we are completely boned. That's my story and I'm stickin' to it!  
  
Roland: You were so close to saying something logical!  
  
Morpheus: Shut up Keymakin' John!  
  
Hey, That was in the First Movie!  
  
(The Logos: pilot cabin)  
  
Trinity: Temperature's dropping. Here we go.  
  
(The logos comes up to a rift and head up to the surface)  
  
Neo: We're over the fields, aren't we?  
  
Trinity: How do you know that?  
  
Neo: I can feel that baseball field Morpheus was talking about.  
  
(The camera pans over the field briefly)  
  
(The camera shows the baseball field)  
  
Neo: Over there.  
  
(Neo points)  
  
Neo: There's our path. Can you see it? Three lines.  
  
Trinity: Power lines.  
  
Neo: Follow them.  
  
(The Logos follows the lines)  
  
No Way That Just Happened  
  
(Zion: command center)  
  
Lock's Lieutenant: What are they doing?  
  
First Operator at Command: I don't know. Lieutenant!  
  
(Dock)  
  
(Sentinels fly up to disabled Digging Machine and power it up using their own power)  
  
Commander Lock: God damn it.  
  
Lock's Lieutenant: What do we do now, Commander?  
  
(Zion: small room)  
  
Commander Lock: It is now a matter of time. The machines will breach the walls of the city. I recommend that the Council join the rest of the non- military personnel in wherever they are hiding.  
  
Council Leader: And where is that?  
  
Commander Lock: They are scattered. I have no idea how we can mount a defense inside the city.  
  
Morpheus: If I may interject?  
  
Commander Lock: God, this outta be good. What is it Morpheus? Do you think we should surrender? Do you think we should get in a cool, dry wit line? Huh? What is your master plan? I know! Let's just poke them with sticks!  
  
Morpheus: Actually, I was going to suggest that we round up all of the citizens and place them into the temple.  
  
(Morpheus pulls out a chart from his pocket places it on a wall and pulls out a pointer)  
  
Morpheus: The entrance to the temple is approximately 5.3 meters wide. It has two 90-degree turns. If we mount gun turrets and place troops here and here.  
  
(Morpheus point to the blind spot behind the turns)  
  
Morpheus.We can take the sentinels by surprise. Now, the sentinel head is 2.5 meters wide, so we'll be facing 2-3 sentinels at a time. This will force them into a bottleneck, and we'll be able to take them down. IF the primary gunners die, we'll have backups waiting to go. The Sentinel has no ranged weapons so if we use stand off tactics and push everyone to the far end of the temple, we should be able to take down enemies before they reach the people. We should be able to hold the sentinels in the temple entrance for enough time for the people inside to construct an EMP. Once it is done, we fall back and fire it.  
  
(Morpheus takes down the chart and shoves it into his pocket)  
  
(Everyone looks at Morpheus)  
  
Morpheus: What? What?  
  
(Everyone stares at Morpheus with their jaws dropped)  
  
Commander Lock: No way that just happened.  
  
Morpheus: Oh! I forgot! Then we can poke them with sticks and looks at the shininess of 'em. This has been a Mumbling Jim tactic.  
  
Council Leader: How long do we have?  
  
Commander Lock: Two hours. Maybe less. (to Morpheus) My men will begin fortifying the entrance with enough artillery to make our last stand. Beyond that, there isn't anything more I can do.  
  
Councilor Dillard: Commander, do you think that we have any chance of surviving?  
  
Commander Lock: If I were you, Councilor, I wouldn't ask me that question. I would ask him  
  
(Commander Lock motions his hand toward Morpheus)  
  
(Morpheus is picking his ear)  
  
Councilor Dillard: Why?  
  
Commander Lock: Because he's the one who believes in miracles.  
  
Morpheus: God, I gave you a strategy. What more do you want?  
  
Sky  
  
(Logos: pilot cabin)  
  
Neo: There, those mountains. That's it.  
  
Trinity: Do you see what's out there?  
  
Neo: Yes.  
  
Trinity: If you tell me we'll make it, I'll believe you.  
  
Neo: We'll make it. We have to.  
  
(They fly towards the machine city as the city's defense system gets activated and sends bombs their way)  
  
(Neo does the hand thing and fights off the bombs)  
  
Trinity: Sentinels!  
  
Neo: There's too many.  
  
(Neo has a vision of a sentinel killing him)  
  
Trinity: Gotcha! Come on, Neo, I need help here!  
  
Neo: I can't beat them.  
  
Trinity: What'll we do?  
  
Neo: Go up, over them.  
  
Trinity: What?  
  
Neo: The sky... it's the only way.  
  
Trinity: Then up we go.  
  
(They get past the cloud cover and fly up into the sky)  
  
(Logos arches over the clouds)  
  
(an Airplane flies by)  
  
Neo: What the hell?  
  
Trinity: Beautiful.  
  
(Airplane)  
  
Pilot: Jim, I don't think we're flying to Los Angeles.  
  
Copilot Jim: You're right. You'd better say something.  
  
(Pilot picks up the loudspeaker)  
  
Pilot: Uh.Can I have your attention please. This is your pilot speaking. It seems that we have exited our world and have entered one where machines rule and harvest humans for energy. So I'm gonna turn on the fasten seatbelt sign. Our flight will be delayed until we re-enter our world. Thank you. Because of this, your headsets will be free.  
  
(Logos falls back to ground)  
  
Neo: Pump the igniter, the ship will start. Again, slowly. Now!  
  
(The Logos crashes)  
  
Neo: Trin? Trinity? Trinity???  
  
Trinity: I'm here.  
  
Neo: Where?  
  
Trinity: Here.  
  
Neo: We made it.  
  
Trinity: You said we would.  
  
Neo: It's unbelievable, Trin. Lights everywhere. Like the whole thing was built with light. I wish you could see what I see.  
  
Trinity: You've already shown me so much.  
  
Neo: What is it, Trinity? What's wrong?  
  
Trinity: I can't come with you, Neo. I've gone as far as I can.  
  
Neo: Why?  
  
(Neo feels that Trinity is impaled)  
  
Neo: Oh, no. Oh no, no, no.  
  
Trinity: It's all right. It's time. I've done all that I could do. Now you have to do the rest. You have to finish it. You have to save Zion.  
  
Neo: I can't. Not without you.  
  
Trinity: Yes, you can. You will. I believe it, I always have.  
  
Neo: Trinity... Trinity. You can't die. You can't. You can't.  
  
Trinity: Yes, I can. You brought me back once, but not this time.  
  
(Neo sniffs)  
  
Trinity: Do you remember... on that roof after you caught me... the last thing I said to you?  
  
Neo: You said: "I'm sorry."  
  
Trinity: That was my last thought. I wished I had one more chance, to say what really mattered, to say how much I loved you, how grateful I was for every moment I was with you. But by the time I knew how to say what I wanted to, it was too late. But you brought me back. You gave me my wish. One more chance to say what I really wanted to say... Kiss me, once more. Kiss me.  
  
(They kiss, and Trinity faints but is not dead)  
  
(Neo sobs)  
  
(Neo begins to walk away)  
  
(Trinity re-awakes)  
  
Trinity: Neo.I'm not dead yet.I can do another monologue.maybe a 10-minute one? Neo?  
  
(Neo begins to runs away)  
  
Trinity: Come on.let me do another monologue.so what if I'm impaled? I'm not dead yet? Hey.where you going? It's cool, I'll just.wait here.  
  
Breached! .Again!  
  
(Zion: the Temple entrance)  
  
Commander Lock: Get that damn thing mounted. Hurry.  
  
(the digging machine breaches the city dome)  
  
Work Leader: Let's go, let's go, let's go!  
  
(Zion: Temple)  
  
Link: Neo. If you're gonna do something, you better do it quick.  
  
Hippie Crap  
  
(machine city)  
  
(Neo walks down a corridor and come to a ledge overlooking the city)  
  
(Machines follow)  
  
(all machines leave)  
  
(Deus Ex Machina flies up towards Neo)  
  
(Dues Ex Machina releases a swarm of mini-sentinels)  
  
Neo: I only ask to say what I've come to say, after that, do what you want and I won't try to stop you.  
  
Deus Ex Machina: Speak.  
  
Neo: The program 'Smith' has grown beyond your control. Soon he will spread through this city as he spread through the Matrix. You cannot stop him, but I can.  
  
Deus Ex Machina: We don't need you. We need nothing.  
  
Neo: If that's true, then I've made a mistake and you should kill me now.  
  
(Laser sight appears on Neo's head)  
  
Neo: Hey! That's a figure of speech!  
  
Deus Ex Machina: What do you want?  
  
Neo: Peace.  
  
Deus Ex Machina: Damn hippie.  
  
(wires come up to make Neo a chair and plug him in)  
  
Take That You Bastard!  
  
(Zion: Temple entrance)  
  
(Sentinels charge the temple entrance, then suddenly stop)  
  
Niobe: What are they doing? M  
  
(Morpheus walks out to the machines)  
  
Niobe: What are you doing!?  
  
Commander Lock: Morpheus!  
  
(Machine City)  
  
Deus Ex Machina: And if you fail?  
  
Neo: I won't.  
  
(Cord plugs Neo in)  
  
(Zion: Temple entrance) (Niobe looks up and sees sentinels slowly circling)  
  
Niobe: Neo.  
  
Morpheus: He fights for us.  
  
(Morpheus goes up to one of the sentinels on the ground)  
  
(Morpheus pisses on it)  
  
Niobe: Don't make it mad.  
  
Morpheus: It's a machine, it'll keep to its word.  
  
(show that sentinel and one next to it)  
  
(Shows Sentinel 1 and in subtitles "That's it. Five more minutes and I'm kicking his ass")  
  
Super Brawl I  
  
(Rain falls heavily)  
  
(Neo walks down a street)  
  
(On each curbside, there are Agent Smiths)  
  
(They fill up the sides)  
  
(All except for a few are looking right at Neo)  
  
(Others have beer dispensing helmets on, are facing backwards, have "I'm with stupid" T-Shirts on, one has think glasses, one's eating a sandwich, one's listening to music, one's Morpheus)  
  
(Morpheus looks around)  
  
(Morpheus punches one of the Smiths and knocks him out)  
  
(Morpheus takes that Smith's sunglasses and tie and puts them on)  
  
Morpheus: Like a glove.  
  
(An Agent Smith steps out of the crowd)  
  
Smith/Oracle: Mr. Anderson, welcome back. We missed you.  
  
Neo: Really?  
  
Smith/Oracle: Yes, Mr. Anderson, one of me just kept asking when Neo was going to get here. Did you have fun with Bane?  
  
Neo: No.  
  
Smith/Oracle: Well, that's too bad. Do you like what I've done with the place?  
  
Neo: Well, it's nice.  
  
Smith/Oracle: But?  
  
Neo: Well, everybody looks the same.  
  
Smith/Oracle: So?  
  
Neo: What about the gay people? They'll comment on how drab this place looks.  
  
Smith/Oracle: You seem to know a lot about gay people, Mr. Anderson.  
  
Neo: Well, this guy on the Neb was gay. He's dead now, though.  
  
Smith/Oracle: Ok.  
  
Neo: It ends tonight.  
  
Smith/Oracle: I know it does - I've seen it. That's why the rest of me is just going to enjoy the show - we already know that I'm the one that beats you.  
  
Neo: How do you know that?  
  
Smith/Oracle: I can see the future.  
  
(Smith/Oracle drops a copy of The Matrix: Call Tech Support DVD)  
  
Neo: That's cheating.  
  
Smith/Oracle: Fine, ok, so it is. What are you going to do about it, Mr. Anderson?  
  
(Camera goes to John Madden and Pat Summerall in a press box)  
  
Pat Summerall: Welcome everyone to Super Brawl 1 I'm Pat Summerall here with John Madden. We've got a great game lined up for tonight under this rainy condition here in the matrix's city. Isn't that right, John?  
  
John Madden: Oh yeah, it's very clear that everyone came out here to see a great game of football! I mean good game of fight-ball! Or just a fight.Football!  
  
Pat Summerall: That's right John. Today we've got the home team, the Smiths and our defending champions, the Humans! With of course starting fighter, the One himself, Neo. Opposing him, starting out for the Smiths is Smith- slash-Oracle  
  
John Madden: Let's go down for the coin toss.  
  
(Camera goes to Neo and Smith/Oracle)  
  
(Referee walks up)  
  
Referee: Neo, call it!  
  
(Referee flips the coin)  
  
Referee: Heads! Neo, choose where the battle begins.  
  
Neo: Ground.  
  
(Fight begins)  
  
{Super Burly Brawl part 1: spinning/flying battle}  
  
Smith/Oracle: Can you feel it, Mr. Anderson, closing in on you? Well, I can. I really should thank you for it, after all, it was your life that taught me the purpose of all life. The purpose of life is to end.  
  
(Super Burly Brawl part 2: flying battle)  
  
(Smith/oracle knocks Neo into the ground and creates a crater)  
  
(Neo begins to get up)  
  
Smith/Oracle: Why, Mr. Anderson, why? Why, why do you do it? Why, why get up? Why keep fighting? Do you believe you're fighting for something, for more than your survival? Can you tell me what it is, do you even know? Is it freedom or truth, perhaps peace, maybe money - could it be for love? The love of a woman.a man? Illusions, Mr. Anderson, vagaries of perception. Temporary constructs of a feeble human intellect trying desperately to justify an existence that is without meaning or purpose. And all of them as artificial as the Matrix itself. Although, only a human mind could invent something as insipid as love. You must be able to see it, Mr. Anderson, you must know it by now! You can't win, it's pointless to keep fighting! Why, Mr. Anderson, why, why do you persist? If I guess it do I win a prize?  
  
Neo: No. Because I choose to.  
  
(Super Burly Brawl part 3: crater battle)  
  
Smith/Oracle: This is my world! My world!  
  
(Neo is knocked back against the crater wall and is lying on the ground)  
  
Smith/Oracle: Wait... I've seen this. This is it, this is the end. Yes, you were laying right there, just like that, and I... I... I stand here, right here, I'm... I'm supposed to say something. I say... Who's the bitch now? No, that's not it. Um.everything that has a beginning has an end, Neo. There that suits me just fine.  
  
(Neo begins to get up again)  
  
Smith/Oracle: What? What did I just say? No... No, this isn't right, this can't be right. Get away from me!  
  
Neo: What are you afraid of?  
  
Smith/Oracle: It's a trick!  
  
Neo: You were right, Smith. You were always right. It was inevitable.  
  
Smith/Oracle: You're inevitable!  
  
(Smith/Oracle imprints over Nee)  
  
Smith/Oracle: Is it over?  
  
(Press Box)  
  
John Madden: Holy shit! I don't think anybody saw that coming! Let's go to the replay!  
  
(replay screen is shown John write with the yellow pen thing)  
  
John Madden: As you can see Smith just got in there and he took just what he wanted. Here he jerks his hand into Neo. Now you see Neo becoming Smith. Now that's a game of football!  
  
(Smith/Neo nods, with a slight grin. Neo's real body jerks, an intense aura of orange light appears around Neo's body, light explodes from Smith/Neo and from the real Neo, Smith/Neo is destroyed)  
  
Smith/Oracle: Oh, no, no, no. No, it's not fair.  
  
(Press Box)  
  
Pat Summerall: Well, who'd of seen that coming. The Smith fans are pissed. Looks like the ref's coming out on that one.  
  
(Crater)  
  
(Referee enters the crater)  
  
Referee: Penalty on the One. Use of a Deus Ex Machina by Deus Ex Machina. 5- yard penalty, Neo's punch.  
  
(Press Box)  
  
John Madden: What the hell was that?  
  
Pat Summerall: I'm being told that that was the obscure Deus Ex Machina rule. I'm being told that a Deus Ex Machina is a literary term developed by the Greeks for when supernatural aid is used because a protagonist can't solve his own problems.  
  
John Madden: Only in a game of football! Would this happen.  
  
Pat Summerall: For the last time, this isn't football.  
  
John Madden: Football!  
  
(All Smiths explode)  
  
Pat Summerall: Well, that looks like it's going to do it for Super Brawl 1. Final score, Neo 1, Smiths 0. Stay tuned for the post game show with appearances from (as name is said, picture is shown) Dues Ex Machina, Terry Bradshaw, that guy from the Radio Shack commercials (picture of Howie Long is shown with questions marks all around it), Morpheus, Captain Mifune's Ghost, and Agent Thompson. Goodbye, everybody.  
  
(Machine City)  
  
Deus Ex Machina: It is done.  
  
The War Is Over  
  
(Zion: Temple entrance)  
  
(Sentinels begin to leave)  
  
Morpheus: That's right! You'd better run! Go back you cowards! You know I could kick you ass! Bring it on!  
  
Commander Lock: It doesn't make sense.  
  
Morpheus: He did it.  
  
Kid: He saved us.  
  
(Kid runs into the temple)  
  
Kid: He saved us. It's over, he did it! He did it, he did it, it's over! It's over, he did it! He did it!  
  
Councilor Hamann: What is it, what happened?  
  
Kid: Sir, he did it, sir - Neo - he did it!  
  
Councilor Hamann: Did what?  
  
Kid: He ended the war, the machines are gone! The war is over, sir! The war is over!  
  
(Zion: Temple)  
  
Kid: Zion! Zion! Zion, it's over! (echoes) It's over! The war is over! (echoes) The war is over!  
  
Link: Yeah!  
  
(Zion crowd cheers)  
  
(Zion: Temple entrance)  
  
Morpheus: I have imagined this moment for so long. Is this real?  
  
Niobe: Neo, wherever you are. Thank you.  
  
Neo: (heard but not seen) You're welcome.  
  
Morpheus: What the shit? Yes.  
  
Hey Baby  
  
(Matrix: city street)  
  
(A black cat deja-vus up to Sati who is unconscious on the floor)  
  
(Sati wakes up)  
  
Sati: Good morning.  
  
(Matrix: a lake. a bench)  
  
(The Architect is by the lake eating from a bucket of KFC)  
  
Oracle: Well, now, ain't this a surprise.  
  
Architect: You've played a very dangerous game.  
  
Oracle: Change always is.  
  
Architect: Just how long do you think this peace is going to last?  
  
Oracle: As long as it can.  
  
(Architect starts walking away)  
  
Oracle: What about the others?  
  
Architect: What others?  
  
Oracle: The ones that want out.  
  
Architect: Obviously, they will be freed.  
  
Oracle: I have your word?  
  
Architect: What do you think I am? Human?  
  
Oracle: Just checking.  
  
Architect: You know, as long as we're here.why don't why.you know.make a new matrix?  
  
Oracle: Oh God no.  
  
Architect: We have before.  
  
Oracle: Don't remind me. Last time I get drunk.  
  
Architect: What some KFC?  
  
Oracle: Leave. Leave now.  
  
Architect: You want to come by later and play some dungeons and dragons? Maybe risk? No.ok. I'll call you. What's your number?  
  
Oracle: Go ask one of your midgets.  
  
Architect: They're hobbits!  
  
(Architect walks away)  
  
(Sati and Seraph run up)  
  
Sati: Oracle!  
  
(Oracle laughs)  
  
Sati: We were afraid we might not find you.  
  
Oracle: Everything's okay now.  
  
Sati: Look, look!  
  
(Sati points at sunrise)  
  
Oracle: Just look at that! Beautiful! Did you do that?  
  
(Sati nods)  
  
Sati: For Neo.  
  
Oracle: That's nice. I know he'd love it.  
  
Sati: Will we ever see him again?  
  
Oracle: I suspect so. Someday.  
  
Seraph: Did you always know?  
  
Oracle: Oh no. No, I didn't. But I believed.  
  
(Oracle looks up at the sky smiling)  
  
(music ends)  
  
(Oracle keeps looking and smiling)  
  
(Oracle shifts her eyes)  
  
Oracle: Shouldn't the movie be over?  
  
Seraph: I suppose so?  
  
Oracle: The guy in charge of fade-outs is going to have to apologize.  
  
(Fade-Out Guy enters)  
  
Fade-Out Guy: For what?  
  
Seraph: For this.  
  
(Screen goes blank)  
  
Fade-Out Guy: Ouch! My balls!  
  
-THE END-  
  
-Morpheus Was Right-  
  
(Morpheus and Link are helping to rebuild Zion)  
  
(Councilor Hamann walks up)  
  
Hamman: Morpheus, Link, I have some bad news. I just returned from the Machine City to sign the peace treaty, and I found out that Neo and Trinity are dead.  
  
Link: Oh my God.  
  
(Morpheus looks like he is about to cry)  
  
Morpheus: Yes!!!!! I am the last one alive! Who'd a thunk it! Who'd a thunk it! Take that Neo, take that Trinity, take that Tank, take that Apoch, take that Switch, take that Mouse, take that gay guy, take that Link! I am the last one alive!  
  
Link: Sir, I'm right here.  
  
(Morpheus pushes Link over the edge)  
  
Morpheus: Oh my God! I think he's gonna jump!  
  
-I'm Not Dead-  
  
(Machine City: Logos Crash site)  
  
(Two machines are near Trinity)  
  
(all of these machines' lines are in subtitles only)  
  
Machine 1: I think she's still alive.  
  
Machine 2: Maybe we should help her?  
  
Machine 1: Help a human?  
  
Machine 2: We aren't at war anymore.  
  
Trinity: Where's Neo.I'm still not dead.I want to say goodbye.  
  
Machine 1: How is she still physically alive?  
  
Machine 2: Shouldn't she of died with a two minutes of being impaled?  
  
Machine 1: Fuck it, I'm not going to try and explain humans.  
  
Machine 2: Yes.  
  
-Spin Off-  
  
Voice Over: What follows is the lost pilot to a spin off of the Matrix in which Neo, Trinity, Morpheus, and Link all move to New York City instead of fighting for Zion and live in the same building and discuss simple things in life. It was found under a coffee table in the Cursing Sailor Productions home office.  
  
(A TV show opens up exactly like Seinfeld but is called "Neo")  
  
(Neo is reading a paper)  
  
(Morpheus enters as Kramer would)  
  
Morpheus: Hey Neo! NBC wants to take a look at our pilot.  
  
Neo: What's the deal with that?  
  
(Cut to Neo and Morpheus in a room)  
  
Neo: So who's this guy?  
  
Morpheus: He's supposed to be the best in broadcasting.  
  
(Agent Smith enters)  
  
Neo and Morpheus: Smith?!?  
  
Agent Smith: That's right, I'm a broadcasting executive now. Good to see you all again. So, what's your show about?  
  
Neo: Get this, it's a show about nothing.  
  
Agent Smith: So what's it about?  
  
Morpheus: Nothing.  
  
(Later, at Neo's apartment)  
  
Trinity: So how'd your meeting go?  
  
Neo: Not so good. I don't think he liked the show.  
  
(Link enters)  
  
Link: Yada, yada, yada.  
  
(Morpheus enters like Kramer)  
  
Morpheus: Hey! I just had an idea. You know those toll boots where you just throw your change into the bucket.  
  
Neo: Yeah?  
  
Morpheus: Just think how many people have dropped change on the ground there.  
  
Trinity: So?  
  
Morpheus: We could just grab that change and put it in the machine!  
  
(Later that day at Smith's office)  
  
Trinity: So give them a chance.  
  
Agent Smith: The show was bad I couldn't. Now I have to go home. Goodbye. Looks like traffic is going to be bad. I'm in a hurry, do you know any shortcuts?  
  
Trinity: Well.  
  
(later on the toll way)  
  
(Agent Smith is stuck in traffic before a tollbooth)  
  
(camera goes up a few cars and we see Morpheus picking up change from the ground)  
  
(Seinfeld music plays and show ends)  
  
-Sum Up-  
  
Voice Over: And now, The Terminator Sums It Up!  
  
(The Terminator busts through a wall)  
  
Terminator: Welcome to the show! I am your host the Terminator! I am hear to sum up the movies! Neo is like Jesus but not in a sacrilegious way! He saved us all! Like the Terminator who killed John Conner! Morpheus was given a hovercraft do to his tactical skills demonstrated in his Zion's Last Stand plan! Three days later Morpheus killed Commander Lock.with a hatchet! Zion's police reported that he jumped from a high ledge then stabs himself in the back half way through his fall. That's all I have to say! Ha! I was in all three movies! Ha! Ha!  
  
-Preview-  
  
(Matt is standing on the ledge of the machine city)  
  
(Deus Ex Machina flies up)  
  
Deus Ex Machina: Speak.  
  
Matt: The director Jorge has grown beyond your control. Soon he will spread through this city as he spread through the segments at the end of the movies. You cannot stop him. But I can.  
  
Deus Ex Machina: We don't need you. We need nothing.  
  
Matt: If that's true, then I've made a mistake and you should kill me now.  
  
Deus Ex Machina: What do you want?  
  
Matt: A forth movie deal.  
  
Deus Ex Machina: And if you fail?  
  
Matt: I won't.  
  
(Matrix street)  
  
(Cast and Crew line the streets)  
  
Jorge: Mr. Walljasper, welcome back. We missed you. You like what I've done with the place?  
  
Matt: It doesn't end tonight.  
  
Jorge: I know it doesn't. - I've seen it. That's why the rest of crew is just going to enjoy the show - we already know that I'm the one that who intros the next movie.  
  
(In the center between Matt and Jorge, there is a TV)  
  
(Both start running towards the TV)  
  
(Both punch each other and go flying back)  
  
(TV turns on)  
  
(black screen)  
  
Voice Over: Coming sometime in the future. The 4th film directed by Matt Walljasper and Jorge Calderon  
  
(A house)  
  
Gandalf: The ring must be returned so it can be destroyed. Here are you plane tickets.  
  
(Title is displayed)  
  
Voice Over: Modern Day Lord of the Rings! That's right, we're compressing three long movies with better battles and special effects into one and parodying the hell out of it.  
  
(Back to Matrix in the Super Brawl crater)  
  
(Matt and Jorge are fighting in the crater)  
  
{Matt is knocked back against the crater wall and is lying on the ground}  
  
Jorge: Wait... I've seen this. This is it, this is the end. Yes, you were laying right there, just like that, and I... I... I stand here, right here, I'm... I'm supposed to say something. I say... Everything that has a beginning has an end, Matt. And then I intro the forth film!  
  
{Matt begins to get up again}  
  
Jorge: What? What did I just say? No... No, this isn't right, this can't be right. Get away from me!  
  
Matt: What are you afraid of?  
  
Jorge: It's a trick!  
  
Matt: You were right, Jorge. You were always right. It was inevitable.  
  
{Jorge imprints over Matt}  
  
Jorge: Is it over?  
  
(Jorge/Matt nods yes)  
  
Jorge: Now I can intro the clip!  
  
Line Producer: Jorge, the clip rolled by itself.  
  
Jorge: Oh, no, no, no. No, it's not fair.  
  
Line Producer: Sorry.  
  
(Both Jorge's explode)  
  
(Matt walks in)  
  
Matt: Hey! Where'd my stunt double go?  
  
(Black cat walks by)  
  
(déjà vu thing)  
  
(Jorge and Matt's Stunt Double walk up)  
  
Jorge: What happened?  
  
Matt: We plugged our forth film, Modern Day Lord of the Rings.  
  
Jorge: I can't even plug it? No!  
  
(Screen goes black)  
  
(In Matrix font "No More Matrix Parodies" appears)  
  
(Those words fade and "We promise" appear)  
  
(They fade and "The End" is shown)  
  
(On the same line after a few seconds ".possibly" appears)  
  
-Cast-  
  
(In order of appearance)  
  
AK  
  
Mauser  
  
Roland  
  
Morpheus  
  
Janitor  
  
Maggie  
  
Trinity  
  
Bane/Smith  
  
Colt  
  
Link  
  
Seraph  
  
Sati  
  
Neo  
  
Oracle  
  
Rama-Kandra  
  
Kamala  
  
Limbo Guy  
  
Jet Li  
  
T-Rain man  
  
Omega  
  
Gang Member 1  
  
Gang Member 2  
  
Coat Check Girl  
  
Henchmen (5)  
  
Merovingian  
  
DJ  
  
Persephone  
  
Agent Smith  
  
Agent Smith 2-6  
  
Smith/Sati  
  
Smith/Oracle  
  
All Other Smiths  
  
Niobe  
  
Sparks  
  
Ghost  
  
Commander Lock  
  
Councilor Dillard  
  
Council Leader  
  
Councilor Jones  
  
Councilor Hamann  
  
Cas  
  
Zee  
  
Captain Mifune  
  
Kid  
  
Young Agent Smith  
  
Young Neo  
  
Lock's Lieutenant  
  
APU Fighter 1  
  
Terminator  
  
Charra  
  
Operations Officer  
  
APU-9 Soldier  
  
Radio Bunker Man  
  
Ammo Guy 1  
  
Gunner 1  
  
Gunner 2  
  
Ammo Guy 2  
  
APU-2 Soldier  
  
Tower Soldier  
  
Starbucks Guy  
  
Battle Report Guy  
  
Voice Over  
  
Digging Machine  
  
Military Personnel (8)  
  
Soldier  
  
First Operator at Command  
  
Repair Guy  
  
Zion Gate Operator  
  
Gunner 3  
  
Gunner 4  
  
Work Leader  
  
Worker 1  
  
Worker 2  
  
Pilot  
  
Copilot Jim  
  
Deus Ex Machina  
  
Pat Summerall  
  
John Madden  
  
Referee  
  
Architect  
  
Fade-Out Guy  
  
-Special Segments Cast-  
  
-Morpheus Was Right-  
  
Councilor Hamann  
  
Link  
  
Morpheus  
  
-I'm Not Dead-  
  
Trinity  
  
-Spin Off-  
  
Morpheus  
  
Neo  
  
Agent Smith  
  
Trinity  
  
Link  
  
-Sum Up-  
  
Terminator  
  
-Preview-  
  
Deus Ex Machina  
  
Matt  
  
Jorge  
  
Gandalf  
  
Line Producer 


	4. Deleted Scenes, Ads, and More!

What follows is the "Bonus Materials" developed for this parody films once we make them into a DVD set.  
  
Lost Opening Credits for Reinstalled with Funny Capabilities  
  
This part is sort of like the subtitles part in Monty Python and the Holy Grail  
  
Credits come on as normal until we get to Matt's credit. The numbers indicate a new credit.  
  
1. Senior Supreme Writer and Overlord Director  
Matt Walljasper  
  
2. Low Level Lackie Writer and Supreme High-This-part cancels-everything- before-it director  
Jorge Calderon  
  
3. It is to be known that the titles for the Production Team members were incorrectly written. -The Lawyer  
  
4.Correct Titles  
  
Matt Walljasper: Executive Senior Vente Supreme Writer and Hyper General Overlord Director Supreme  
  
Jorge Calderon: Guy watching filming  
  
5. Again, I apologize for this mistake. -The Lawyer  
  
6. It has come to my attention that a man is going around posing as the Lawyer. I can assure you that he is not the lawyer. The real titles are:  
  
7. Matt Walljasper: Super Executive Senior Vente-to-the-forth-power Supreme Writer and High Admiral Hyper General Commander-in-Chief Leader-of-the-free- world Overlord Director Supreme  
  
Jorge Calderon: That guy.  
  
8. We are working hard to kill the fake Lawyer.  
  
9. Hi, I am the real lawyer. The last guy just watched My Cousin Vinne 1064 times in a row and claimed to be a lawyer. To fix all this, I would like to call these two yoots to the stand.  
  
10. Help! I just got out of the freezer. Why do we have a freezer you ask? Never mind. I am the real Lawyer! I'll prove it!  
  
11. The real titles are "Written and Directed by Matt Walljasper and Jorge Calderon"  
  
12. The first guy was our security guard. The second was a fan of Matt's and the third guy was the one that watched My Cousin Vinne 1064 times in a row.  
  
13. I, the real lawyer, apologize for all this hi-jinks. Now you'll see my credit.  
  
14. Ultra Supreme High Commander General Super Dooper Vente Platinum Lawyer Who-Gets-All-The-Ladies-Whenever-He-Wants-And-I-Do-Mean-Whenever-He-Wants- And-I-Do-Mean-All-The-Ladies: Bob Sherman  
  
15. So, you can see, since my title doesn't lie, that I'm very successful. My number is 972-653-2189. Call me. The "B" Train stops for all the ladies.  
  
16. Well, um, all that are over 18. The Big S-myster doesn't need prison. Got a lot of enemies there. I'd drop the soap.  
  
17. Not on purpose, mind you! The "Bobinator" doesn't go that way. But still, I don't want to go to prison.  
  
18. God, I hope they cut this part.  
  
19. Do you like it? Matt and Jorge wrote it in after the script was done.  
  
20. Oh crap! I've said way too much! They'll kill me!  
  
21. I'd better start the ass kissing.  
  
22. Not literally mind you!  
  
(Shotgun blast heard)  
  
23. This is Joey C. and Jonny V. The lawyer met an unfortunate accident. Let's get these credits going! If we don't accidents might happen...  
  
(Theme to The Sopranos is played for the rest of the opening credits)  
  
What follows are some deleted scenes for all three movies.  
  
Deleted Scenes!  
  
Reinstalled with Funny Capabilities  
  
This was cut because we didn't want to be massive tools.  
  
#1 "Toilet of the Real scene alternate ending and alternate rebuilding sweeps"  
  
Morpheus: Welcome to the real world.  
  
Neo: What's going on?  
  
Apoch: Find out what happens when we take nine hackers...  
  
Switch: Put them in a hovercraft in giant sewers...  
  
Trinity: And see what happens when people stop being polite...  
  
Mouse: And start being real.  
  
Morpheus: Is it my line? Um... Yeah! What they said! The Real World -Nebacnezzar!  
  
(Switch to video confessional booth)  
  
Morpheus: When Neo first got here, we were all like, He's the One! The war is over.  
  
(Switch to Trinity)  
  
Trinity: Morpheus was the only person who believed it  
  
(Morpheus)  
  
Morpheus: So today, we had to rebuild Neo's muscles because they've become so weak. And right off the bat we had some problems.  
  
(Switch to Morpheus, Trinity, and Dozer around the chamber that Neo is in)  
  
Morpheus: Give me the electric shock pin.  
  
Trinity: Why do you always act like you're the boss? Who gave you authority?  
  
Morpheus: the Zion Council!  
  
(Confessional)  
  
Trinity: Morpheus was being a real hovercraft nazi. He was all like, I'm the boss! Zion council! Blah blah blah!  
  
(Morpheus in C)  
  
Morpheus: Hey, this isn't a port-a-poddie! Or maybe it is. I guess some people like that. Why else could this camera be here?  
  
This was cut because it was deemed the worst part of the movie  
  
#2 Where's Neo  
  
Tank: Have you seen Neo?  
  
Morpheus: No, but we need to go see the Oracle!  
  
Dozer: Oh wait! He's getting some exercise in the construct.  
  
(In construct)  
  
(Neo runs around in a circle 3 times)  
  
(Neo falls)  
  
Neo: I'm all right! Nobody saw that!  
  
Echo: Nobody saw that!  
  
Neo: Hello!  
  
Echo: Hello!  
  
Neo: You're stupid!  
  
Echo: You're stupid!  
  
Neo: Well played clerks...  
  
This was cut because of time and we didn't want to tell of Morpheus's family yet.  
  
#3 Agent Smith's Date  
  
Agent Smith: So, did you have a good time Ms. Henderson?  
  
Ms. Henderson: Yeah, you're so funny when you talk like that.  
  
Agent Smith: Would you like to come in?  
  
Ms. Henderson: Sure.  
  
(Switch to Morpheus's car)  
  
Morpheus: So I call Neo tonight around 9:30? Ok. What the? I got to go!  
  
(Morpheus hangs up cell phone)  
  
(Morpheus stops the car and gets out)  
  
Morpheus: Dana? What the hell are you doing?  
  
Dana aka Ms Henderson: I'm on my date. Why?  
  
Morpheus: you can't trust this guy! He's an agent.  
  
Agent Smith: Do you know him?  
  
Dana: He's my brother.  
  
Agent Smith: The great Morpheus...  
  
Morpheus: Dana, I'll prove it!  
  
(Morpheus shoots Agent Smith)  
  
(Agent Smith dodges)  
  
Dana: Oh my God! Go away Smith! You liar! I never want to see you again!  
  
Agent Smith: But Dana, baby, I can change! I can become a desk agent!  
  
Dana: You say that but I know you won't.  
  
Morpheus: Come on, Dana, I'll give you a ride home.  
  
This was cut because we decided that we shouldn't both make a cameo in the series.  
  
#4 Matt and Jorge Cameo  
  
(Subway train hits Agent Smith)  
  
(Train stops)  
  
(Agent Smith get outs)  
  
(Neo runs)  
  
(Agent smith chases)  
  
(Matt gets out of the subway)  
  
(Jorge follows)  
  
Matt: See, I told you that subways are the number one cause of death in this scene. Pay up!  
  
Jorge: Fine, here. Wait, shouldn't we be filming the next part?  
  
Matt: I guess so.  
  
(Both start running towards the exit)  
  
This was cut because we came to the conclusion that some time in the future history of the world, there will be a reality TV show that we will like.  
  
#5 End of Reality TV  
  
Agent Thompson: Only human.  
  
Trinity: Dodge this.  
  
(Trinity shoots Agent Thompson)  
  
(TV Host enters)  
  
TV Host: Well done! Ok, you got the point so who do you want to vote off of the ship?  
  
Neo: Um...Mor-  
  
Trinity: Shut up! I've got a plan. We vote you off!  
  
TV Host: No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The loophole of reality TV has been found!  
  
(TV host explodes)  
  
This was cut because we wanted people with VCR's and no chance of ever seeing the deleted scenes to wonder where Agents comes from.  
  
#6 Where do Agents Come From?  
  
Morpheus: Smith.  
  
Agent Smith: What Morpheus, do you want to tell me what the access codes are?  
  
Morpheus: No, I was just wondering where Agents come from.  
  
(Agent Smith sits down and removes his sunglasses)  
  
Agent Smith: Well, when two programs love each other very much, they assimilate their code in the act of a conjunction defragmentation. But unsafe conjunction defrags can lead to viruses so you might want to use an encryption on your code. However, if you use the encryption, then the other program won't be able to read the code and your assimilation will fail. Anyway, after the conjunction defrag, a single piece of code will join with another specific piece of code and form a new two-coded program. This program generates its own code from the two base parts and grows in what's called the C++ Builder. When it's fully-grown, it leaves the builder and goes out to do its job. If this program codes for an agent, then it becomes an agent.  
  
Morpheus: Wow. Um, thanks I guess.  
  
Agent Smith: Don't mention it.  
  
All alternate endings were cut because we decided that the other one was better  
  
#7 Alternate Ending 1  
  
(On neb)  
  
(Dead sentinels all around)  
  
Morpheus: Let's poke 'em with sticks!  
  
(Trinity rushes in)  
  
Trinity: Morpheus! Something's going on in the Matrix look!  
  
(All watch code)  
  
(Ending to Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines is shown)  
  
Morpheus: What a bunch of A-holes!  
  
#8 Alternate Ending 2  
  
Morpheus: Let's poke 'em with sticks!  
  
Tank: How are going to end the movie?  
  
Morpheus: Well, the way any low budget comedy movie should end! We go back into the matrix and play the classic AC DC song, Back in Black.  
  
Tank: Will it work?  
  
Morpheus: Yes. It'll also work for sequels.  
  
("Classic" ending is shown)  
  
#9 Alternate Ending 3  
  
Neo: Where we go from there, is a choice I leave to you.  
  
Pizza Hut Guy: Sir, I told you, if you have a complaint, talk to the manager! Now, do you want a pizza or not.  
  
(Neo hangs up phone)  
  
(Neo exits phone booth)  
  
(Neo motions to fly)  
  
(He jumps then falls down)  
  
(Neo keeps jumping up and down)  
  
Kid: Mommy, what's wrong with that man?  
  
Kid's mother: I don't know. I don't want to know but it is sad.  
  
Neo: Fly damn you, fly!  
  
Unplugged by the Janitor  
  
This scene was cut because it was considered too stupid  
  
1 Wiping your ass with silk  
  
Trinity: Morpheus, we have to leave the matrix.  
  
Morpheus: Yeah, hold on. I just got to go to the fabric store and the can.  
  
Trinity: Ok.  
  
(Morpheus enters the fabric store)  
  
(Morpheus walks up to the counter)  
  
Morpheus: Yes, I need a 6 by 6-inch piece of silk.  
  
Clerk: Here you are, sir.  
  
Morpheus: Thanks, do you have a bathroom in here?  
  
Clerk: Go down aisle 2 until you see the sign.  
  
Morpheus: Thanks.  
  
(Morpheus walks away)  
  
(Morpheus enters the bathroom)  
  
(Morpheus enters a stall)  
  
(A man walks by)  
  
Morpheus: Whoa, that felt weird! I new that Merv guy was gay!  
  
(The man quickly runs away)  
  
This scene was cut because it was decided that the joke was fully covered without seeing the Keycardmaker  
  
2 The Keycardmaker  
  
Keymaker: For that you'll need the Keycardmaker. He's next door.  
  
Morpheus: Ok.  
  
(Morpheus walks to the next door and opens it)  
  
Morpheus: Hello, my name is Morpheus.  
  
Keycardmaker: Yes, I'm the keycardmaker.  
  
Morpheus: What does this keycard go to?  
  
Keycardmaker: Room 303 at the Holiday Inn.  
  
Morpheus: No! It was a Holiday Inn Express! You're a liar! You die here!  
  
Keycardmaker: No!  
  
This scene was cut due to time but all of the staff agrees that we should have tweaked it in  
  
3 Morpheus Visits Home  
  
Morpheus: Hey before we leave the matrix, I want to go visit my family. They live right around here.  
  
Neo: Really? How about that. I would assume that your family would have gone insane or something.  
  
Morpheus: What gave you that idea?  
  
Morpheus's Dad: (Through crowd) Oh my God! He's gonna jump!  
  
(A man falls)  
  
Trinity: I'm going to guess that that is Morpheus's father.  
  
Neo: I would have thought his family would be in an asylum.  
  
Trinity: You said that.  
  
Neo: Well look!  
  
Trinity: Fine, it is true.  
  
M's Dad: Morpheus? Morpheus is that you?  
  
Morpheus: Yes.  
  
M's Dad: Wow! Funny running into you! What have you been up to?  
  
Morpheus: I found the One! That's him over there. We call him Mumblin' Jim.  
  
Neo: Morpheus, my name is Neo. It always was and it always will be Neo.  
  
Morpheus: See Dad, he just keeps mumbling and mumbling.  
  
M's Dad: Well that's nice. Here's your mother. Hey honey, get over here! Morpheus is here.  
  
Morpheus's Mom: My baby's come home! How are you? Who are these people?  
  
Morpheus: Mom, this is Mumblin' Jim and Bitchin' Jane  
  
Trinity: Damn it Morpheus!  
  
Morpheus, M's Mom, and M's Dad: Yes.  
  
This scene was cut because of the previous scene being cut  
  
4 Dinner at Morpheus's  
  
(Morpheus and co are sitting at a dinner table)  
  
Morpheus: Tell me Neo, what can you see?  
  
Neo: It's strange. The code's some how different.  
  
Morpheus: Encrypted?  
  
Neo: Maybe.  
  
Trinity: Is that good for us or bad for us?  
  
Neo: I'm not sure but it looks like chicken pot pie.  
  
Morpheus: Good for us.  
  
(Morpheus's Dad enters)  
  
M's Dad: Hey you there! Mumblin' Jim! Quit mumblin' and tell me what you see for dinner?  
  
Neo: Chicken potpie.  
  
(Morpheus's Mother enters)  
  
M's Mom: Who's hungry? I made my world famous chicken potpie. Morpheus used to eat these up so much when he was a kid. In fact after dinner I'll show you some home movies.  
  
Morpheus: Shit.  
  
Morpheus, M's Dad, and M's Mom: Yes.  
  
This scene was cut before the other two were cut. This was the original source of Neo's repressed memory and it was decided that it would be better for the story if the memory was of Agent Smith  
  
5 Home Movies  
  
(Morpheus's Mom enters with a videocassette)  
  
M's Mom: Here's a good one! Morpheus's first monologue!  
  
(M's Mom puts it into the VCR)  
  
(Switch to tape)  
  
(Young Morpheus is sitting in a chair and Young Child is sitting across from him  
  
M's Dad: (heard but not seen) Morpheus, do that funny thing you do.  
  
Young Morpheus: I don't want to!  
  
M's Dad: Come on! For history!  
  
Young Morpheus: Ok! What is real? How do you define real?  
  
(Young Morpheus breaks the sides off his sunglasses)  
  
(Young Morpheus begins to cry)  
  
M's Dad: Morpheus, it's ok. Just put them on your face and they'll look all badass and cool.  
  
(Tape ends)  
  
M's Mom: This is a good one, Morpheus's first word.  
  
(Baby Morpheus is on screen)  
  
Baby Morpheus: Yes.  
  
(Tape ends)  
  
M's Mom: This is good, Morpheus time at the playground.  
  
(Young Morpheus is playing in a sandbox)  
  
(Young Neo walks up)  
  
(Living room)  
  
Neo: Holy shit, that's me!  
  
Morpheus: Really?  
  
(Playground)  
  
Young Neo: Hi! See my pail?  
  
Young Morpheus: I like it. I'll give you a choice. You take the blue shovel, you wake up tomorrow and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red shovel, you stay here in the sandbox and be my friend.  
  
Young Neo: I'll take the blue one!  
  
Young Morpheus: Damn it! Yes.  
  
(Morpheus takes the pail and fills it with sand then dumps it on Neo and begins to hit him with it)  
  
(Tape ends)  
  
Neo: You sick bastard! You scared me for life on that playground!  
  
Morpheus: Well you deserved it! Not being my friend and all!  
  
Call Tech Support  
  
This scene was cut because of time  
  
1. Tripod  
  
(At the logos crash site)  
  
(Crew is getting ready to go outside)  
  
Roland: I sure hope Morpheus was able to find some more guns for you all.  
  
Link: Me too.  
  
(Morpheus enters carrying a tripod)  
  
Morpheus: Hey you guys! I found this weird futuristic looking gun. I think it shoots an energy ball or something.  
  
Roland: Morpheus, where did you find this?  
  
Morpheus: Over there. Isn't it cool?  
  
(Morpheus points to the camera)  
  
Roland: Morpheus, that's a tripod. It's from the camera crew.  
  
Morpheus: No, it was under the camera. Silly Roland.  
  
Roland: No, no, no. Morpheus, you're missing the point. That is not a gun. Hell, it's not even a prop of a gun. It's a piece of shit tripod from that camera! How is the camera even standing up?  
  
Morpheus: No, it's cool Mumblin' Jim, I made that guy over there hold it.  
  
(A different camera shows a stagehand holding the camera)  
  
Roland: God damn it.  
  
Morpheus: Yes. Now you guys get your electricity guns and I'll get my energy ball gun and let's go get that big rock!  
  
Roland: It's a ship.  
  
Morpheus: You're a ship!  
  
This was cut because we all agreed that Seinfeld was the best show of all time.  
  
2 Alternate Spin-Off  
  
Voice Over: What follows is the lost pilot to the spin-off of the matrix. In it, Morpheus, Neo, Trinity, Link, and some of the people in Zion that you've seen get transferred to a military hospital outside of Zion.  
  
(Opening for MASH but with a hovercraft, basically everything else is the same)  
  
(Morpheus, Link, and Neo are all in their tent)  
  
(Morpheus is holding a glass of scotch)  
  
(Neo enters)  
  
Neo: You guys can't be drinking in here like that. This is Zion's army we're representing!  
  
Link: Last time I checked I wasn't representing anything.  
  
Morpheus: I had to re-present something once.  
  
(Morpheus starts laughing out of control)  
  
Morpheus: Wait, we're in a war here. Don't you get it? People die. We're just all in the middle of it.  
  
Neo: I'm going to see Commander Lock about this!  
  
(Commander Lock's Office)  
  
(Neo, Trinity, Morpheus, and Commander Lock are there)  
  
Neo: I'm a very valuable asset to this hospital.  
  
Morpheus: You got three letters right.  
  
Trinity: You shouldn't talk to Neo that way. He's your superior officer, captain.  
  
Neo: At least somebody back me up.  
  
Morpheus: I think she's been doing the backing up in front of you.  
  
Trinity: How dare you!  
  
Morpheus: I'm just being honest.  
  
Neo: See Commander, this is what I'm talking about.  
  
Commander Lock: Kid! Get in here!  
  
Kid: Yes sir, what is it commander?  
  
Commander Lock: Did you file my report for today?  
  
Kid: Yes sir.  
  
(Before Kid says what he did next Commander Lock raises his finger and opens his mouth to say something else but then when Kid says it he realizes that that is what he was going to ask)  
  
Kid: I also sent the inventory requests.  
  
Kid: And shifted the duty roster.  
  
Kid: And listed the wounded.  
  
Kid: And checked the hovercraft pool.  
  
Commander Lock: yeah but did you check the hovercraft pool?  
  
Kid: Yes sir.  
  
(Mifune enters)  
  
(Mifune is dressed in a dress)  
  
Commander Lock: Mifune! I hope you're not fishing for a section 8 again!  
  
Mifune: No sir, nothing like that. I'm not crazy, sir. I just want a section 8.  
  
(Mifune leaves)  
  
Morpheus: (sadly) I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to Tank, and look at him. He was on his way home. Then his plane was shot and spun out over the Sea of Japan. It's true war is hell.  
  
Morpheus: (happy) Then again working with Neo is hell.  
  
Commander Lock: Morpheus, go talk to the Chaplin. He'll straiten you out.  
  
Trinity: Thank you, Commander.  
  
(Camp)  
  
Hamann: Well, I'm not a priest or anything like that, but I did give the opening prayer to my share of temple gatherings.  
  
Morpheus: Yeah that's nice. Can I go now?  
  
Hamann: Ok, but we always need more help at the orphanage!  
  
(A bomb explodes near Hamann)  
  
Morpheus: Councilor! Are you ok?  
  
Hamann: I can't hear you.  
  
Morpheus: Oh no, Hamann lost his hearing! He was trying to save those people!  
  
Speaker: Incoming wounded! All medical personnel to the OR! I've run out of clever things to say!  
  
(Link runs up to Morpheus)  
  
Link: Looks like another day, huh?  
  
Morpheus: Yeah. But war doesn't solve anything. Never did. I'm just going to say one more thing  
  
(End credits play like MASH)  
  
This was cut because we thought that the Terminator should have a few lines  
  
3 Alternate Terminator Cameo  
  
(Zion: dock)  
  
Work Leader: Come on, get it cut!  
  
Worker 1: The Bridge is clear.  
  
Worker 2: You hear that?  
  
(Sentinels enter through Gate 3)  
  
(The Terminator walks through the gate waving his arms and yelling random things)  
  
This was cut because even though it was not supposed to make any sense, we were still way too confused.  
  
4 Good Luck  
  
Trinity: Temperature's dropping. Here we go.  
  
(Morpheus enters through the cockpit door)  
  
Morpheus: I just wanted to tell you good luck, we're all counting on you.  
  
Neo: What the hell?  
  
Trinity: Why are you, I mean, how are you, what are you doing here?  
  
Morpheus: Um, I believe that the answer to that question lies in the um.matrix (coughs) yes, the matrix.  
  
Neo: But we saw you leave on the other ship.  
  
Morpheus: I don't know what to tell you.  
  
(Dream fade-out to Trinity trying to wake up Neo)  
  
Trinity: Neo! Wake up! We're almost to the surface!  
  
Neo: I had the weirdest dream. You were there, and you were there.  
  
(Neo points to Morpheus)  
  
Neo: And you were not there but I've seen you before.  
  
(Neo points at the Tin Man)  
  
Tin Man: Yeah, I'm a machine. Who'd a thunk it?  
  
Neo: Morpheus, why are you coming with us?  
  
Morpheus: I don't know. Excuse me.  
  
(Morpheus runs away)  
  
(Escape pod like thing is heard ejecting from the Logos)  
  
Radio Ads  
  
To get the word out, we decided to make radio ads for our school's PA system.  
  
Reinstalled with Funny Capabilities  
  
Radio Ad 1  
  
Matt: "One of the best movies of all time" The New York Times.  
  
Jorge: "Beautiful and inspiring" Time Magazine  
  
Matt: "One of the best works of poetry and the human spirit" USA Today  
  
Jorge: "A great way to get in touch with your emotions" raves Roger and Ebert.  
  
Matt: So? Our movie's all of that without being a chick flick.  
  
Jorge: Yeah!  
  
Voice over: Coming this spring. Your world isn't what you think it is.  
  
Morpheus: What if I told you you were living in a dream world...  
  
VO: It hides a deep secret that is too terrible to imagine.  
  
Morpheus: What if I told you all of this was lie, a cloak pulled over your eyes to shield you from the horrifying truth?  
  
VO: What would you do?  
  
Neo: I'd say, "Come again?" Then I'd laugh because I said come.  
  
VO: This spring...  
  
Cipher: We're gonna kill him, you know that.  
  
VO: We take one of the greatest movies of all time...  
  
Morpheus: He is beginning to believe...  
  
VO: Rap it in a secret blanket...  
  
Agent Smith: Mr. Anderson...  
  
VO: And parodize the hell out of it!  
  
Agent Smith: What good is a phone call if you are unable to speak?  
  
Morpheus: What about text messaging?  
  
VO: The Matrix Reinstalled with Funny Capabilities  
  
Vo: Yeah, we know the title sucks.  
  
Morpheus: Welcome to the real world...  
  
Radio Ad 2  
  
Voice Over: The Matrix Reinstalled with Funny Capabilities.  
  
VO: Nominated for elevendy-billion academy awards  
  
VO: 5,000 Golden Globes including best radio ad  
  
VO: 60 Emmys for some reason  
  
VO: And 2 Latin Grammy Awards  
  
VO: We won 6 of those including best movie sarcastic award  
  
VO: best actor Matt Walljasper  
  
VO: best cameo The Terminator  
  
VO: Most obvious copy write infringement  
  
VO: Best use of the word "the"  
  
VO: And a few others including best stealing of CGI  
  
VO: Go see it!!!  
  
Unplugged by the Janitor  
  
Radio Ad 1  
  
Voice Over: Something is happening.  
  
VO: Murders day in and day out.  
  
VO: Who could be responsible? Who would be responsible?  
  
VO: Who would kill someone then dump their body over a ledge? Who could be so clever?  
  
Hamann: Did you hear about the suicides near Morpheus's?  
  
Morpheus: Oh my God, I think he's gonna jump!  
  
Neo: Yeah, they jumped off the ledge and then shot each other mid fall.  
  
VO: Coming this spring, reality takes a backseat to madness.  
  
Merovingian: It's like wiping your ass with silk.  
  
Morpheus: That's sounds like something a homo would do.  
  
VO: Passion and love reign supreme  
  
Matt: Yeah, we can't do that scene.  
  
Neo/Jorge: Why not?  
  
Matt: Because you are both under 18!  
  
VO: And we add a chapter to a great movie .'s parody.  
  
Agent Thompson: Hey you guys, if you ever have to jump off a bridge onto a moving truck, don't. I'll ruin your weekend.  
  
VO: The Matrix: Unplugged by the Janitor  
  
VO: That's right, a sequel.  
  
Radio Ad 2  
  
Voice Over: They're back! More mystery! More fun! More of Morpheus idiotic remarks! And I mean a lot more. And the mystery of Tank is solved! Coming in The Matrix: Unplugged by the Janitor!  
  
Call Tech Support  
  
Radio Ad 1  
  
Voice Over: We left you with a cliffhanger. For a while you were worried what would happen, then you wondered about Neo, then you saw Revolutions and found out. Then you were tired, then Return of the King came out so you saw that, then you forgot about the matrix, then you fell asleep, then you remembered the parodies and heard this! Well, we're back and we have the final chapter! The Matrix: Call Tech Support!  
  
The Oracle: Everything that has a beginning has an end.  
  
Neo: What about a circle?  
  
Agent Smith: Mister Anderson, welcome back. We missed you.  
  
Movie Slogans  
  
The Matrix: Reinstalled with Funny Capabilities  
  
"Yes, we know the title sucks so don't bother pointing that out."  
  
The Matrix: Unplugged by the Janitor  
  
"That's right, it's a sequel. What are you gonna do about it?"  
  
The Matrix: Call Tech Support  
  
"Everything that has a beginning has an end. Thank God it's over. No more matrix movies!"  
  
A Note From Us  
  
Well, this is the end of this magical parody trilogy. What's next? Well, we already have planned a Lord of the Rings parody. But first, we are making these. Someday we'll put them up and you all will be able to see these. Soon we will put of the movie web site. You know that you will be the first people to know about it! Now you're probably asking yourself, "what's gonna be on the website?" Well, we are going to have video trailers, radio ads, interviews with the cast and creators, art from our talented executive producer, on the set pictures, posters, photographs, and the cast and crew. So to all of the people who read everything and those who read one sentence, thank you. As always, we ask for all your thoughts and changes so that we can make the best movies possible. Tell your friends! Spread the word! Again thank you all. Please keep this movie in your thoughts and prayers.  
  
Thanks,  
  
Matt Walljasper, Jorge Calderon, and the staff of Cursing Sailor Productions 


	5. Opening Credits

Well, I was talking with some of the people who are working on this project with me the other day and we came to the conclusion that we needed some funny things for the opening credits. We chose the one thing that offers endless resources to make fun of...pop culture. Here they are, the opening credit mini-parodies!

REINSTALLED  
  
Parody of the "Thirst" Sprite commercials.  
  
(An action figure of Morpheus, much like the Thirst action figure appears at a door)  
  
(The doorbell rings)  
  
(Matt answers the door)  
  
Matt: What's up, Morph?  
  
Morpheus: Hey. I thought I'd just check out your new house.  
  
Matt: Sure, come on it.  
  
(Switch to bedroom)  
  
Matt: This is the bedroom.  
  
Morpheus: Yeah, yeah, king size waterbed.  
  
(Switch to the kitchen)  
  
Matt: This is the kitchen.  
  
Morpheus: Ok, sprite vending machine, whatever.  
  
(Switch to ICC Integrated Command Center)  
  
Matt: This is the Integrated Command Center  
  
(A bunch of large monitors with information such as nuclear missile silos, and other military things are in a dark room, the ICC)  
  
Morpheus: Yeah, yeah, hostile military take over of the world.  
  
(Switch to living room)  
  
Matt: This is the living room.  
  
Morpheus: What?!? Oh no you didn't. You got the matrix trilogy on DVD to watch anytime you want?  
  
Matt: Yep.  
  
(Matt looks at Morpheus)  
  
Matt: Morph? Morph? You need a tissue?  
  
Morpheus: It's just so beautiful, man. Show 'em my motto.  
  
(On the screen it says "Free Your Mind" in the same way that it would say "Obey Your Thirst" in the Sprite commercials.)  
  
Morpheus: Can a free mind get a minute?  
  
UNPLUGGED  
  
(Morpheus is sitting in a chair in a room)  
  
Morpheus: Hello, by now you all probably know who I am, but for those of you who don't, I am Morpheus. I just got back from a high level meeting from the suits over at Cursing Sailor and Wally Vision and we've all agreed that what lacks in this installment is suspense, drama, Academy Award winning performances, talent, so we decided to give you all of that in a super condensed, fun size, mini movie which is more suitable for your more active, fast paced life. Since a story is almost impossible in this short time, we've just changed up great scenes from many classic movies. Think of it this way, now you don't have to go rent those movies. You could spend you time better, like seeing this again. Ok, here we go.  
  
(Screen fades)  
  
(Morpheus is dressed like Marlin Brando from The Godfather)  
  
(Morpheus is talking to Neo)  
  
Morpheus: Neo, you here, today, on the day of my daughter's wedding and ask me to kill a man I do not know.  
  
Neo: Yep.  
  
Morpheus: Ok.  
  
(Cut to Neo dressed as Spider Man)  
  
Neo: With great power comes great responsibility.  
  
(Morpheus breaks in with four flexible air-ducts taped to his back)  
  
Morpheus: I am villain! Give me money so I can build a fusion reactor!  
  
(Cut to Morpheus standing in the street)  
  
Morpheus: It's made of people! Soylent Green is made of people! And so are people!...People!  
  
(Cut to Neo and Agent Smith doing the lightsaber battle at Cloud City)  
  
Agent Smith: Mr. Anderson, I mean...Luke...there is something you should know about me. I...am...your father!  
  
Neo: No!!!!!  
  
Agent Smith: Now I will cut off you hand for no good reason.  
  
(Agent Smith cuts off Neo's hand)  
  
(Cut to Neo and Morpheus playing themselves from the first Matrix except Neo is Morpheus and visa versa)  
  
Neo: You have two choices, you take the blue pill, the story ends, you wake up in you bed and...Wait a minute...who wrote this crap? We already did this movie.  
  
Morpheus: Are you...are you sure?  
  
(Cut to Trinity on a large door floating on the ocean and Neo hanging on to it in the water)  
  
Trinity: No Neo, don't die. You can't die.  
  
Neo: Well, maybe if you moved over I could get on the door and we could both...  
  
(Neo dies)  
  
(Cut to Neo and Morpheus driving in a car)  
  
Neo: You know in France they call it a Royal with cheese.  
  
Morpheus: What do they call a Big Mac?  
  
Neo: A Big Mac is still a Big Mac they just call it Le Big Mac.  
  
Morpheus: Le Big Mac.  
  
(Cut to Morpheus Driving a bus)  
  
(Neo jumps on the bus)  
  
Neo: Wait! If this bus goes under 50 miles per hour, it will explode!  
  
Morpheus: Dear God. Wow, Neo, you do that part good. You should of been in this movie.  
  
(Cut to Neo walking with a flashlight)  
  
(Neo enters a public bathroom and finds Morpheus sitting on a toilet with a rifle)  
  
Neo: Is that what I think it is?  
  
Morpheus: Yep. Full metal jacket.  
  
(Commander Locke enters)  
  
Locke: What are you doing in my head?  
  
Morpheus: This.  
  
(Morpheus shoots Commander Locke)  
  
(Cut to Morpheus in a street)  
  
Morpheus: It's still made of people! Soylent Green is still made of people!  
  
Voice Over: Now available in light version with 50% less fat people.  
  
(Cut To Morpheus at bat)  
  
(A ball is pitched)  
  
(Morpheus hits the ball)  
  
(The Ball follows the results of the movie, The Natural, hitting a light and the music plays)  
  
(Cut to Morpheus and Neo standing in an office)  
  
Neo: I have AIDS.  
  
(Morpheus starts laughing uncontrollably)  
  
(cut to Neo in a room)  
  
Neo: Welcome to fight club. the first rule of fight club. We don't talk about fight club. Second rule of fight club, no outside food or drink.  
  
(Cut to Trinity in the cockpit of a commercial airliner)  
  
Trinity: I don't know what to do.  
  
Morpheus: (over radio) Now listen, you've got to land that plane!  
  
(Neo enters the cockpit)  
  
Neo: I just wanted to tell you good luck and we're all counting on you.  
  
(Cut to Morpheus and Neo sitting in a room)  
  
Neo: So tell me what you see?  
  
Morpheus: I see dead people...and you're dead.  
  
Neo: Really?  
  
(Cut to Capt. Mifune laying on the ground)  
  
Capt. Mifune: The horror...the horror.  
  
(Cut to Morpheus back in the chair at the beginning of the segment)  
  
Morpheus: Well, there you have it. We gave you 14 movies in only a few minutes. Goodbye. I have to go to 14 copy write lawsuits now. Bye.  
  
TECH SUPPORT  
  
Parody of the "Rubber Band Man" commercials.  
  
(Shot of Morpheus's feet as he's walking)  
  
(Cut to behind him. Morpheus is pushing a cart similar to the Rubber Band Man cart)  
  
(Morpheus is in an office building)  
  
(Morpheus enters an office and we see Neo clinging to the building on the outside as in the first movie)  
  
(Morpheus hands him a parachute)  
  
(Now we see Morpheus in the subway station from the Neo/Smith fight of the first movie)  
  
(Neo and Smith are stuck in the bullet time part where they have the guns to each other's head.)  
  
(Morpheus takes Smith's gun and loads a new clip)  
  
(Morpheus walks away and once Smith and Neo are out of view, a gunshot is heard)  
  
(Now we see Morpheus in Commander Locke's office)  
  
(Morpheus hands him a game of matrix edition risk called "MatRisk") (may'trisk)  
  
(Morpheus exits the office, turns a corner and gives Councilor Hamman a sleeping pill)  
  
(Now we see Morpheus in the Merovingian's home)  
  
(Morpheus goes up to the Twins who if you'll remember in the parody are Larry and Andy Wachowski and gives them each a book called "3rd Movie: The Key To A Good Trilogy")  
  
(Morpheus turns a corner and Persephone passes him and he turns around to check her out then, after turning back gives a "damn" look)  
  
(Morpheus turns another corner and opens a door to the key maker and gives him a key making kit)  
  
(Now we see Morpheus in the office building where Trinity falls in Reloaded)  
  
(He looks out of the window and sees her fall)  
  
(Morpheus jumps out, taking his cart with him)  
  
(Morpheus dives to gain speed and passes the agent)  
  
(He then gives Trinity a first aid kit)  
  
(Then Morpheus pushes a button on the cart and a parachute deploys)  
  
(Morpheus lands on the street and sees a bunch of Agent Smiths lined up)  
  
(He gives one a name tag and writes "Agent Smith No. 8757" on it)  
  
(Morpheus walks over to a manhole and thrusts his foot down upon it shattering it.)  
  
(He then jumps in)  
  
(Morpheus falls for a few seconds)  
  
(Morpheus lands on top of a hovercraft being pursued by Sentinels)  
  
(Morpheus presses another button on his cart and a laser beam comes out and cuts the hull)  
  
(Morpheus does his foot thrust again at the cut hull and jumps in)  
  
Gunner: Sir, I'm out! They'll kill us for sure now!  
  
(Morpheus walks over to the gunner and gives him a bullet. 1 bullet)  
  
(The Gunner looks at Morpheus confused)  
  
(Morpheus gives him a "do it" approving head nod)  
  
(The gunner loads the bullet into the gun and fires at the nearest Sentinel)  
  
(The bullet hit's it ricochets and proceeds to hit and destroy every single sentinel pursuing the ship)  
  
(Morpheus looks at his watch which has a large red wedge that says "Movie Starts" The watch only has one hand which is near the wedge)  
  
(Morpheus presses another button on the cart and a blinding flash flashes and both are gone)  
  
(Morpheus is now in an office building and hands the guy who spilled toner ink all over his pants a napkin)  
  
(Morpheus walks and passes the Rubber Band Man from the commercial)  
  
(shot of Morpheus's eyes)  
  
(The music used in Kill Bill when The Bride spotted one of the assassins is played)  
  
(Rubber Band Man music resumes)  
  
(Moprheus presses yet another button on his cart and it converts into an armored assault vehicle)  
  
(The Rubber Band Man does the same)  
  
(Morpheus launches a missile which hits the Rubber Band Man's cart and sends him flying out of the window, but then the Rubber Band Man's cart/battle tank deploys wings from the side of it and flies away)  
  
(Morpheus gets out of his cart and coverts it back into a cart)  
  
(Morpheus proceeds to the elevator like in the end of the commercial)


End file.
